Baeboo22 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I am having some relationship issues and I don't know what to do! Here's a little background information: I am a 20-year-old college junior and my boyfriend is a 23-year-old college graduate. We have been together for almost 2 years now and things have always been great between the two of us. When we got together he was still in college, but ever since college and starting a new job (which he dislikes), he isn't the same. It seems as if my boyfriend is extremely depressed - but I have no idea if it has to do with me, or if it stems from the stresses he deals with on a day to day basis at his job (he has a somewhat high stress job). Before he began working there, I thought I had it made. He was very attentive, loving, affectionate, respectful towards my needs, etc. I never had doubts about our relationship until recently. About 4 months ago, he broke up with me out of nowhere. About a week later he begged and begged for me back. After about a month of thinking everything over, I decided to give our relationship another shot. Prior to the break up, things between us seemed fine, but there was still something off about him. Now, I find ourselves spending less and less time together (his choice). When I ask him whether or not he is happy with me, he mentions that he is unhappy with his life in general, but it has nothing to do with me. When we spend time together, it's great, but it's not the same. He seems to lack energy, wants to sleep all the time, and has been going out to the bars with his friends much more. This behavior makes me very insecure about our relationship. Whenever I bring this up to him, he seems sad and almost angry and says he feels "lost" and doesn't know what he is doing with his life. He says he lacks motivation to get a new job and talks about how he feels tired all of the time. He sleeps constantly! He goes to bed right when he gets home from work and sleeps in the next day until it's time to go back in to work again. This has been going on for a little bit more than a month now. He still likes to take me out on "date nights" and calls me to talk before bed on most nights if we are unable to see each other. But...he seems so distant compared to the way he used to be! I'm confused because I don't know if he is trying to pull away from ME and our relationship...or if it's because he is just trying to deal with his own issues right now. I almost feel a bit unloved, but when I ask he reassures me that he does love me. Do I stick by him and hope that this is a phase? Or should I just leave the man that I love and adore so much? Is it me...or him?
TM42 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 oh hun, I am going through the same thing. My boyfriend has a dark outlook on life and seems to think that even at the age of 23 his life is a failure. He is always trying to impress his old friends and family, and it is sad to watch. We are broken up right now but it does not feel right. I also wondered if I should stay with him and see if things got better. I now think that maybe I need to let him be and he can work out his own issues. But then again, I have no idea. Love is so confusing. I just hope things work out for you guys. It's so incredibly hard to watch someone be unhappy when they have ever chance to be happy. I think diet has a huge effect on our states of mind, you should do a quick google search of "natural diet to cure depression", etc. I suggested this to my ex (it feels weird to call him my ex) because I can see how the food we eat is so toxic that it could mess up our brains. Good luck, I hope things work out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I think it would be pretty heartless to leave the guy when it's clear he's suffering from depression. It reeks of fair-weather friend. Just because things get rough doesn't mean it's time to bail. It sounds to me like he's very unhappy about his JOB, not you. He might want to consider a counselor or some antidepressants. That's no way to live - half-alive. Believe me - BTDT. I definitely understand depression. Exercise can also help with the crappy feelings because of the endorphins - nature's antidepressant. Maybe you could encourage him to go on a walk with you?
4givrnt4gtr Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Sounds like he is going thru a case of the turbulent twenties....(its a book...totally recomend it). IT bassically said that most 20 year olds who graduate college get into "the real world" with such high expectations that when reality hits and they see it isnt as perfect as they thought it would be they slide into bouts of depression. (I went thru some of that as well, i kept looking back at all the hard work i did in college, all the money spent and then looked at how it all ended in me picking up dirty dishes for a bunch of snotty people in a coporation....if thats not depressing, i dont know what is). My bf is going thru the same. Its tough and we've also broken up over him feeling lost, even regarding us, for a few days. He was able to get his head straight at least regarding us so we got back together. YEt, i totally feel you on how it sometimes makes us gfs feel like its about us....but it isnt. All i can say from experience is if you love your man stand by him. Its gonna be rough and there are gonna be days when he wont even want to talk to you. But know that this doesnt mean he doesnt love you, it just means his life is too much for him right now and very likely you are about the one awesome thing he has. Listen to him, comfort him, be there for him. There will be a time when he will finally get up of his knees and be able to appreciate the amazing girl he has. For now, its time to be a little selfless and realize he might not be able to cater to you right now, but thats now why you love him right? Now, if he asks for space, provide it, if he truly loves you it will work itself out. But dont bail on him just yet....its a rought time and he needs the love and support you can provide. Good luck.
martinm Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I am not a doctor, just sharing my personal experience as I have had depressions and anxiety for sometime. The best way to get over anxiety and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. There are various prescription drugs to get over anxiety and depression, but these should only be used in accordance with the instruction of a physician. There is a lot of fake selling of such medicines on internet, so before you can order it online just make sure it is a real pharmacy.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I'm in the same situation but mines been going on for about 6 months now. First of all, you don't know he has depression for sure. He may be unhappy with job, that doesn't mean he is depressed. I mean aren't most of us unhappy with something? Doesn't automatically render a diagnosis. I also wondered if my boyfriend is depressed but if its not something he will admit to or seek help on, I will have to assume he is not. I do know he is stressed and tired. If your boyfriend discovers he is depressed, that is at least something. My boyfriend can't come forward to admit that. Also in my case, my boyfriend was also very attentive and caring and then it snowballed downhill. I was very patient and gave him all the space he needed. But it then becomes the issue that you are making allowances for their needs i.e. they are stressed and tired, but are they making allowances for yours? For instance in my case, my boyfriend can go out to bars and stay out, but if i'm at his its still an early night. Sometimes he can't give me 10 minutes on msn. I'm facing the same dilemna of whether its worth the wait or not. Its love versus happiness. You love them but you aren't being fulfilled. So should you wait it out or go and find someone else? So impossible to say! I know how impossible this decision is! Lately i've been leaning more toward breaking up. But my boyfriend seems to be taking forever to get out of this job! I guess its worth hanging in there but make sure he isn't using the job as an EXCUSE and it is legitimate.
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