I feel hopeless.

[jwinters]

So I just found this site through Google. I just am so miserable and need a way to express how I'm feeling...

 

I had been dating this girl for about a year as of last February. For the last several months, it was long distance due to her being in medical school and I am still a junior in college. We're in our early 20s and we were completely in love. She would talk to me about cute houses she had found because we had planned on getting married when I graduated college and could move to her town.

 

She broke up with me in February, just shy of our one year anniversary. I have been completely miserable since then.

 

It's been 2 months now and we have yet to talk about what's going on in our lives. The only contact we've had in the past 2 months have been short 1 line texts here and there. I've been missing her so badly.

 

She just visited NYC for her Spring Break trip, and a few days ago I asked if I could give her a call just to see how the trip went and because I wanted to know what was going on in her life. She said sure, no problem, sounds great. Well, she got back tonight, and this morning I texted her asking if it was still cool to call her tonight. She said yeah, no problem.

 

Well tonight came about and I texted her asking what time would be good for me to give her a call. However, she didn't answer, and finally late tonight she texted me saying she was really tired and wanted to know if we could just talk another time.

 

Basically what I'm getting at is this. Is it totally hopeless? Is it completely over? Is she done with me? I love her so much and I don't want to lose her forever. I just have no idea what to do and I'm afraid of making a move that is going to push her in completely the wrong direction and make me have a zero chance to get her back.

 

I'm just so sad and feeling like there's no chance.

[Thomas X Forever]

First off, you warned her too many times about a call. You should've asked once, then called.

 

Now, to get her back.

 

There is one and only one chance.

 

Tell her how much you love her, tell her how much you care. Tell her everything you would tell her if it's the last time you'd ever speak to her again. But don't get repetitive. Say it all once.

 

Then end it by saying "this is why its too painful to talk to you now. I have to say goodbye, until you want to try to work things out.. hopefully it wont be too late when you do"

 

then cut her off 10000000000000000000%. And I mean mother ****ing 1000000000000000%. NO exceptions. Not for holidays, bdays, NOTHING!!!!!

 

I am very suspicious of second chances though. I had an opportunity and did everything I could. Chances are, the girl you loved is dead.

[confused11]

Did she say why she broke up with you? Any reason/excuses?

[jwinters]

She said she had made me too much of a priority in her life and needed to get her priorities in order. She said that she didn't want to lose me forever and hoped that we could be together again someday.

 

I think a lot of it too was that I didn't treat her all that well in the last couple weeks of it. It was a long distance relationship and I hadn't made time to really talk to her all that much.

 

She knows how much I love her. I texted her a week or so ago telling her that I hated we weren't friend anymore (we had been best friends). She said that she had completely shut down towards me because she was hurt so much in the breakup and wasn't sure if she still loved me anymore, but repeated that she didn't want to lose me forever.

[confused11]

I think I can say I know how she feels. I had been in a LTR that became a LDR, throughout the course of our relationship, I made him my priority. Rearranged my schedule to suit his, made classes on weekends because it was easier to see him, I mean you name it, I stupidly did it. Well during the LD part, I had started to see what I was doing and realized that it wasn't healthy for both me and the relationship.

 

Sometimes when it is LD, you get to take a step back and look at the picture from a whole because you are not so much in it. I had begun to realize that I didn't like how I was being treated. I tried to share how I felt, but he said it was my fault for him treating me the way he did (lots of other factors went into this too) . I didn't realize at the time but I gradually became detached from him because he wasn't making the time for me or communicating to me in a healthy way. It hurts when someone feels they are puting in all the effort for the relationship to work and the other person is putting very little in. So I ended it.

 

I am not trying to imply that you are anything like my ex so please don't think that but what I am trying to get at is that she didn't like how she was being treated and was detached enough from you to decided to break up. If this was something that has come up during the course of your relationship, then she is most likely gone forever but if this is your first "rough patch" so to speak then admit how you were behaving and apologize for it tell her how you feel and that is it, go NC as the ball is then in her court so to speak. Be prepared that she might not want to get back together but at least you tried to make amends for your actions.

[jwinters]

Thanks for the advice Confused.

 

To be honest that's exactly what it was like. She always kept her phone on her just in case I'd call. She pretty much revolved her schedule around me.

 

I guess you could say that this is our first rough patch. We've never fought before. In fact, we pretty much have always agreed on everything. That's why we worked so well together. We just fit. We saw eye to eye on everything.

 

I hate reading you say things like she is gone forever. I wish there was some guaranteed way to win her back. Is there any alternative to NC? I don't want to give up on her. Is there a way to keep me in her life without being pushing or harrassing her? I just love her so much... I don't want to lose her.

[confused11]

Aww hunny I really feel for you, if it is any help, even though we didn't get back together, I was so hurt when I broke up with him because I did love him so much but his actions pushed out of being in love with him. But see my ex was mean to me. Really mean, to the point that my friends and family didn't even like him for me because I went from being this bubbly person (I was a cheerleader lol) to a shell of who I used to be. I had become so concerned with trying not to get him mad at me for something stupid that I stopped being me. As long as you weren't verbally abusive towards her give her space to get herself together and start putting herself first. Did you two ever have a talk about your relationship after you broke up as to why is wasn't fixable? Did she say she was no longer in love with you or wanted to experience new people?

[jwinters]

Haha no I was never verbally abusive. Despite being a total douche to her I'm actually a good guy. To be honest I was just so upset about some personal things going on in my life at the time that I had put her on the back burner. We talked pretty often but I was just completely out of focus. I was basically being a total idiot. Her entire family loves me though and all of her friends did too.

 

When we broke up, she just said that she needed to re-prioritize her life but she was so hopeful that we'd end up together again.

 

For the next month we didn't talk at all. It was basically NC except for she would send me a text every few days with something like "Hope your day is going good!" and stuff like that. I'd reciprocate with something nice back.

 

Then after a month, the texts stopped and she didn't talk to me at all. This really upset me because I thought we would still be friends and that she had just been needing space, and now she wasn't talking at all. So I texted her and I was like "I feel like we aren't even friends anymore. Is this ok?" To which she replied "That is definitely not ok." Basically she was taking her finals for Med School and said that she had been really busy with them.

 

Still, after those were over, she didn't text me, so I became really upset one night and bitter. This was about two weeks ago. I texted her asking why she didn't talk to me and I basically told her she didn't care. Pretty much I made a huge mistake in getting angry at her. Still, I apologized the next day and told her there was no excuse for it.

 

Then, this last week (we're in to 2 months now) I texted her about some tv show. Her response, as had been usual since the break up, was a 1 or 2 word answer. I felt like she was being completely dismissive of me and that she didn't even care what was going on in my life. So, I asked "do you even still love me?"

 

To that she replied "I just don't know. Honestly I was just so hurt from the breakup, and then you kept hurting me afterwards (assuming she's talking about me getting angry) that I started to shut down. Right now I don't know what I feel. I'm so sorry." So basically that's how she feels.

 

A couple days later, I texted her and was like "This sucks." And she goes, "It's ok. Unfortunately you have to go through this." And just the way she said it upset me so much. I felt like she was being condenscending to me. So I said, "Yeah, still trying to figure out how to shut down and fall out of love." To that she replied, "It's not easy, that's for sure. It's a process. It takes time."

 

So I was really pissed about this, and I made another idiotic mistake and got upset. So, I said, "Yeah, apparently it can be done in only 4 weeks." I was referring to how it only took her a little over a month to decide she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore, which was so shocking because we had so much together. Anyway, this made her upset, and she was like "I'm so sorry about this, but it's been a long process that has been going on before that. But I dont have time to hash this all out for you again. I'm sorry. Good night."

 

So, basically I made 2 really mortal mistakes in getting verbally pissed at her. She hasn't said anything about meeting new people, and honestly I don't think that's on her mind.

 

Really, I just feel like I'm making every mistake in the book. When she told me I could call her tonight, I was *so* excited. I have a meeting every Sunday night, and I was literally shaking with excitement through the entire meeting because I knew I would talk to her afterwards. I mean we haven't really talked at all in two months, so I was stoked at the idea at just having a conversation. Then she said she was tired and going to bed, and I can't express how angry I was. Fortunately I didn't take it out on her.

 

What she did tell me a long time ago though (and I can't remember why) was that if we were to ever break up, and she was to shut down, I would have to fight like hell to win her back. I feel like that's what I'm doing. I'm putting myself through so much hell. I texted her tonight telling her that I wasn't going to give up on her. I told her that if she wanted more space, I would give her more space. If she wanted me to just not talk to her at all until she was ready to just let me know and I would do it, but she had said that she wanted to keep contact so that she knows what's going on.

 

I don't know if it's pathetic or not. But basically I was just like "I'm not giving up on you. I'm not quitting." But I really hope that doesn't come off as annoying.

 

Sorry, this whole bit is just completely scatterbrained. I hope most of that makes sense. Thank you so much for giving me a girl's point of view.

 

Edit: Reading over that, I guess she's never flat out said "I don't love you anymore." Rather, she has said, "I don't know if I love you or not anymore." Not sure if that means anything different or what. Who knows.

[sparklemama]

I know how you feel it is hard to go with NC but she told you she needs to make some changes in her life and it is best for you to give her the space to do so.There is a chance that she may come back and if so great she can come back and you guys can go at it even harder than before.Theres going to have to be some sacrifices on both of your parts without it becoming to much of a hassle for you both.If she decides she doesnt want to be with you then no amount of calling her and texting her will change how she feels for you and your just going to become the clingy ex.The best thing to do is to let her work on herself and you on yourself because if you do not give her the space that she asked for she may end up resenting you.

[LoveUrselfFirst]

Verses texting asking if you can call her, you should have just called her. If she was willing to pick up the phone that would have been great, but now it will be hard to figure that out without her getting annoyed.

 

Although it's been two months she obviously hasn't attempted to call so I think you already know the answer although you are not ready to move on.

 

Stop texting because it doesn't make the matter better. If she texts you, hit the delete button. The wound is still fresh and you or her may say something that may be regretful.

[jwinters]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

Today I went NC. I called her and told her to not expect any additional texts from me anymore. I deleted her phone number so I won't be tempted.

 

This sucks...