Woggle Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I read women on here complaining about porn but many stay silent on a bigger threat to a relationship. If you ask any man on here who is going through a nasty seperation or divorce or having relationship drama the woman in their life most likely has a manhating friend or friends who fan the flames. These are the women who constantly tell her how better off she would be without you or how better single life is or encourage them to have an affair. They view cheating on their husbands as some act of liberation. They get her all riled up into hating you and if you dare try and speak up about this you are the controlling ogre. These women are trying to destroy your marriage but you are supposed to have no problem with this. Your feelings mean nothing. On the other hand if you happen to own a playboy or a look at a naked woman on the internet or take your friends to a strip club you are the worst husband or boyfriend in the world who is not being sensitive to her feelings. Why does this double standard exist?
alphamale Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Why does this double standard exist? i don't know....but to play devils advocate (which i love btw) i have said on some occasions to my buddies that their wives are worthless and they shouldn't be with them. few of them take my advice. one of my best friends is living in a nightmare marriage but he's too nice a guy to tell her to go to hell. she tells him when to go to bed, who he can hang out with, what to eat, when and where he can go. she even bought her own engagement ring because he couldn't afford a nice enough one...needless to say she doesn't care much for me. oh well
JackJack Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 My wife had a friend like this years ago....fortunately she dropped her friend like a hot potato and took everything she had to say about men with a grain of salt. My wife knows that not all men are like the way her friend described men to be. She knew her friend had been burned before and that she felt sorry for her. After years of being her friend and listening to her go on and on about how terrible men were, she ended up dropping the friendship. No one wants to be around someone who is always negative and has bad things to say. I do believe there are many people who CAN be influenced by others negativity, thank goodness my wife wasn't one of them because she refused to allow someone else's views ruin her own.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I read women on here complaining about porn but many stay silent on a bigger threat to a relationship. If you ask any man on here who is going through a nasty seperation or divorce or having relationship drama the woman in their life most likely has a manhating friend or friends who fan the flames. On the flip side, the man most likely has a woman-hating friend(s) that also fans the flames of hate and deceit. These are the women who constantly tell her how better off she would be without you or how better single life is or encourage them to have an affair. Again, this is something men can do as well. I actually think this is something men do more often then probably women do. Encourage their friend to have an affair or "have fun" because *they* don't think their friend is being treated right. On the other hand if you happen to own a playboy or a look at a naked woman on the internet or take your friends to a strip club you are the worst husband or boyfriend in the world who is not being sensitive to her feelings. Why does this double standard exist? Seriously, I don't even understand how these two things relate or how this is a double standard. How does not liking porn or strip clubs relate to a partner's friends saying negative things about the opposite sex? Are you trying to say anyone that doesn't like porn or strip clubs is automatically a man hater? I mean from my view point, men who have both porn or visit strip clubs and a real woman at home, are only thinking what is best for him, not what is best for the woman or the relationship. Lets be honest. Men don't visit strip clubs to make the marriage/partnership better. They visit it for their own pleasure. Do you really not understand why these things make women uncomforble and worried?
carhill Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Do women have "girls nights out" or "girls getaways" with their man-hating friends to make the marriage/partnership better? BTW, I think the topical material is apples and oranges. Two very disparate issues. Important issues, but I really can't see a relevant connection. For the record, no man I consider a friend has ever said a negative thing about my wife. Women in general, sure.
EnigmasMuse Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 My wife had a friend like this years ago....fortunately she dropped her friend like a hot potato and took everything she had to say about men with a grain of salt. My wife knows that not all men are like the way her friend described men to be. She knew her friend had been burned before and that she felt sorry for her. After years of being her friend and listening to her go on and on about how terrible men were, she ended up dropping the friendship. No one wants to be around someone who is always negative and has bad things to say. I do believe there are many people who CAN be influenced by others negativity, thank goodness my wife wasn't one of them because she refused to allow someone else's views ruin her own. Good for you wife JJ! Sometimes it is about the person who has the issue with men/women...and sometimes its more about the person who can walk away from such nonsense and choose not to believe the things they hear!
serial muse Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Yes, let's talk about this issue. Here's a good starting point: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138292/
Author Woggle Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Yes, let's talk about this issue. Here's a good starting point: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138292/ I didn't listen to him plus him and my wife have made peace and actually get along quite well now. This was when his seperation was still fresh and he was speaking from hurt. Now he is happily divorced and he will only remarry if he finds a woman as good as her.
angie2443 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 BTW, I think the topical material is apples and oranges. Two very disparate issues. Important issues, but I really can't see a relevant connection. . I agree. As for man-hating friends, I don't keep anyone in my life who is that negative to hate a whole group of people.
EnigmasMuse Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I didn't listen to him plus him and my wife have made peace and actually get along quite well now. This was when his seperation was still fresh and he was speaking from hurt. Now he is happily divorced and he will only remarry if he finds a woman as good as her. Women can speak from hurt too! I think the main issue is, when you have someone that continues to speak from hurt/anger years and years after something has passed.
soserious1 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Oh, you mean friends like the kind men have, the ones who will take you to the strip club and urge and urge you to get lapdances or go to the VIP room "because the biatch will never know? "
carhill Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Yup, those friends. I need to find some of those friends I think the main issue is, when you have someone that continues to speak from hurt/anger years and years after something has passed.IME, and I have a particular example IRL I'm drawing from, a woman who was cheated on, repeatedly, divorced and must still have contact with the ex because of their children, relives the prior pain in his current actions with the children and her. It colors her opinion of men in general (and I don't blame her for that) but that's not a good reason to be putting poison thoughts into a friend's head about their relationship. This is a key aspect of (and impetus to) a process I developed out of MC, that being relationship support. Support the friend; support the relationship; help them examine it if they so choose. I have no idea where porn fits into all this but will say that, due to a tight economy, I have suspended my newsgroup (Usenet) account. I'll bet the pay porn sites are feeling the crunch too
Lishy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Woggle you had a friend who told you to leave your wife yes? Why do you hate women so much? This must play a part of your marriage and I would love to see your wife post on here and hear her views of you as a husband! I remember that you remained friends with that man - It is not only women who encourage their friends to leave and they would only encourage a friend to leave a man who is not good.
serial muse Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 IME, and I have a particular example IRL I'm drawing from, a woman who was cheated on, repeatedly, divorced and must still have contact with the ex because of their children, relives the prior pain in his current actions with the children and her. It colors her opinion of men in general (and I don't blame her for that) but that's not a good reason to be putting poison thoughts into a friend's head about their relationship. This is a key aspect of (and impetus to) a process I developed out of MC, that being relationship support. Support the friend; support the relationship; help them examine it if they so choose. I agree that if someone's carrying around the pain of old relationships, old betrayals and old anger into their new relationships and friendships - in fact, perhaps telling people of their gender not to trust others of the opposite gender - that there's a problem. An anger-management problem. Don't you agree, Woggle? And what? Why does your friend get a pass for saying the crap he said? Because he has a y-chromosome and was hurting? What you're talking about in your OP happens to be exactly what your friend did to you: These are the women who constantly tell her how better off she would be without you or how better single life is or encourage them to have an affair. They view cheating on their husbands as some act of liberation. They get her all riled up into hating you and if you dare try and speak up about this you are the controlling ogre. These women are trying to destroy your marriage but you are supposed to have no problem with this. Your feelings mean nothing. I mean, exactly. To the point where your wife got really upset. And you were really struggling with who to believe and who to trust. Your "friend" nearly helped you end your relationship. Remember?? Don't be a hypocrite, Woggle. I think you can see what I'm saying here. I think, at heart, you're an honest guy. You're better than this.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Do women have "girls nights out" or "girls getaways" with their man-hating friends to make the marriage/partnership better? How is a girls or guys night out comparable to strip clubs? I'm not saying men shouldn't have guys nights out. Just that a guys night out at a strip club isn't just about being with your buds. And I think men that claim otherwise think women are stupid. I think any guy that lets another man make disparging comments about his own wife is either very weak or disrespectful to his own partner.
alphamale Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 an old lady once told me that one of the keys to a successful marriage is to never listen to what others say about your spouse. she sounded fairly reasonable.
Author Woggle Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 My wife was quite upset and looking back at the whole thing it was understandable. If she had some misandrist friend trying to destroy our marriage I would have flipped also but at the time I looked at like she was trying to control me and tell me who I could associate with. Looking back I realize how wrong I was and I did apologize. I told him to knock it off or he was not welcome in out home and he did. He snapped out of it and him and my wife actually get along quite well now.
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