Shallow idiot

[bananacake]

Most couples are madly attracted in the start of the relationship, like i was. However, the attraction tends to go away as the years go on, like it did with me. So if you're not attracted now, you most likely wont be.

 

I say you should bail. I thought i was shallow who wanted to break up with my girlfriend because i didnt find her attractive anymore, but the kind people on this forum have made me think otherwise. You cant control who you are attracted to. You just cant

 

Edit: ah you did. You made the right decision

[yongyong]

honestly it's not shallow at all because you didn't like her physically.

 

all people talking about personality sxit (especially women) should give 'the ugly guy' in this seciton a chance.

 

if you are not attracted her but still stay with her because of her eg) income, dad's money, then you are shallow.

 

there is no reason to say 'maybe I should focus on her personality, being overweight is ok since that's the trend in America' cuz you are not on a island just with her lol

[SoulSearch_CO]

all people talking about personality sxit (especially women) should give 'the ugly guy' in this seciton a chance.

Yongyong, WTF are you talking about? I don't see a single person (and especially not the women) saying anything about freaking personality. You're trying to stir up a debate about nothing. Freaking get over yourself.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Yongyong, WTF are you talking about? I don't see a single person (and especially not the women) saying anything about freaking personality. You're trying to stir up a debate about nothing. Freaking get over yourself.

Yongyong likes to fat bash SoulSearch he doesn't miss a beet when it comes to it hey yongyong I have normal fingers and toes thanks lmao... :laugh::laugh:

 

Um are you talking about BP? yongyong? the guy who's always asking how to deal with being ugly?

 

Hes now ugly to allot of women here mostly because of his attitude theres some one for every one no one put the OP down at all I don't think he led her on at all.. I think hes a good guy..

[2sure]

Bob -

 

Maybe its her weight, maybe its something else...doesnt matter. Dont feel guilty about there not being chemistry. We have all met/dated people that we WISH there was chemistry...but it just isnt there.

 

the important thing here for now, and for the future is:

 

Be a gentleman. I get the sense that being just that is important to you.

You cannot reject someone without hurting them . Period.

However, being treated respectfully and sensitively while being "rejected" makes it way easier to get over, doesnt leave one with self doubt, and doesnt make you look/feel like a heel.

 

Just be honest. White lies are ok to be polite - but people see thru them.

Tell her you like her, find her attractive...and are surprised yourself, but the chemistry just isnt there. Tell her you know that she, like you, is looking for a real relationship and that at this point you know thats not happening here. Wish her well.

 

Thats it.

[Els]

There's a difference between BoredPerson and this guy, yongyong, in case you didn't notice. Big difference.

 

OP, you tried and it isn't there. That's perfectly fine, just don't lead her on. Tell her nicely and don't agree to the dinner...

[yongyong]

honestly I find this thread quite interesting cuz usually when a guy says something like that , people say he is shallow

 

I think it's because of the way he expressed it nicely.

(he didn't say like 'I don't like her cuz she is fat')

 

For Spanksthemonkey, you don't have to be insecure about yourself.

I remember you said you were a 'Large' woman somewhere.

I just said I am not attracted to those extra fat on women's body.

 

I don't know why you have to say 'I am not like that' because I didn't say it towards you

 

I am sure you are proud of who you are and you don't have to give a shxx about what I or people say.

 

 

 

 

 

Yongyong likes to fat bash SoulSearch he doesn't miss a beet when it comes to it hey yongyong I have normal fingers and toes thanks lmao... :laugh::laugh:

 

Um are you talking about BP? yongyong? the guy who's always asking how to deal with being ugly?

 

Hes now ugly to allot of women here mostly because of his attitude theres some one for every one no one put the OP down at all I don't think he led her on at all.. I think hes a good guy..

[Els]

honestly I find this thread quite interesting cuz usually when a guy says something like that , people say he is shallow

 

I think it's because of the way he expressed it nicely.

(he didn't say like 'I don't like her cuz she is fat')

 

 

It's different mainly because he found she was a nice girl, he dated her because of that. But he realized later that he's not sexually attracted to her and he thinks it's because she's overweight.

 

BoredPerson says: 'The only women I can get are those so ugly noone would want to have sex with them. Why can't I get all the hot girls? Why can't they appreciate my good qualities even though I'm ugly?'

 

And yes, it's because of the utterly moronic, stubborn, and chauvinistic way he says things as well.

[yongyong]

I remember that I told him he judged other girls based on their looks.

so if they judge him based on his looks, he got nothing say and he should date someone as chubby& ugly as he is.

 

 

 

It's different mainly because he found she was a nice girl, he dated her because of that. But he realized later that he's not sexually attracted to her and he thinks it's because she's overweight.

 

BoredPerson says: 'The only women I can get are those so ugly noone would want to have sex with them. Why can't I get all the hot girls? Why can't they appreciate my good qualities even though I'm ugly?'

 

And yes, it's because of the utterly moronic, stubborn, and chauvinistic way he says things as well.

[BobSacamento]

Do you think I should still contact her? I think she pretty much got the picture considering she unfriended me on FB. I just don't want to rub it in.

[WorriedOne]

Her body, she's overweight. The worst part is I used to be overweight. I feel like such a tool.

 

Why do you feel like a tool?

 

Some men are simply not attracted to overweight women. It is in men's nature to choose the best possible mate...this is why we are attracted to vibrant women who are not overweight, who have good skin, good hair, etc. This is not something you or I "DECIDE" to be attracted to, it is programmed into the core levels of our brain by nature.

[D-Lish]

Do you think I should still contact her? I think she pretty much got the picture considering she unfriended me on FB. I just don't want to rub it in.

 

I don't understand why she would de-friend you after not talking for only 24 hours! That seems extreme on her part.

 

I wouldn't contact her, why bother. If you contact her, you're going to give her hope.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about when you're not attracted to someone. That's not something you can force. It doesn't make you shallow. You gave the whole thing a shot because you DID enjoy hanging with her, so you were looking past her looks.

 

I had a great date with a guy I knew- he was nice, smart, funny but I had no sexual attraction for him. He had all the qualities I love in a friend, but that is all.

 

Sounds like she might have seen this coming?

[BobSacamento]

I don't understand why she would de-friend you after not talking for only 24 hours! That seems extreme on her part.

 

I wouldn't contact her, why bother. If you contact her, you're going to give her hope.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about when you're not attracted to someone. That's not something you can force. It doesn't make you shallow. You gave the whole thing a shot because you DID enjoy hanging with her, so you were looking past her looks.

 

I had a great date with a guy I knew- he was nice, smart, funny but I had no sexual attraction for him. He had all the qualities I love in a friend, but that is all.

 

Sounds like she might have seen this coming?

 

Perhaps she did see it coming. I was pretty shocked to get de-friended, gave me a pretty good laugh though. I mean seriously 24 hours? The mob gives you more time to think things over.

[Cherished]

Hey guys, this has become about overweight women and it's OK not to be attracted and this was not the original topic at all

the OP stated he was not attracted to her body, how do you let her down easily.

Only after a poster asked why was he wasn't attracted to her body did it become about weight and there were a lot of unnecessary comments regarding weight and how it's OK to not be attracted to "extra fat" etc.

Even if she was a size 2 and he didn't feel attracted to her body, why does it matter why he wasn't attracted, he just wasn't, and obviously you can't continue seeing someone if you're not attracted to them. No one stated that he is shallow for not giving her a chance, but yet yongyong is out accusing us of saying that, which no one did.

 

The correct answer is 'let her down easily, but let her know you're not interested in dating" which many posters stated in different ways, but the fact that she is overweight has nothing to do with the OP's question.

[SoulSearch_CO]

No - I wouldn't be contacting her. I think she gets the point and if you call her it will be rubbing it in, IMO.

[RecordProducer]

Basically I want someone who when I look at them I want to fantasize about having sex with them. I thought maybe because we seem so compatible that that attraction might set in but so far nothing.

You don't want to hurt her, which is very sweet of you.

No, I don't think you're shallow. I can understand you completely. Don't deepen the relationship. You used to be overweight, but you're not anymore. You can "afford" to have someone thinner.

[marlena]

In my experience, chemistry arises from something more than just physical attraction. It CAUSES physical attraction, but it's separate from how you view someone's looks. You're not shallow for thinking it's missing, and you won't be able to force it.

 

Interesting. Made me stop and think. Most people think chemistry IS physical attraction. Spookie may be on to something here. Chemistry causes physical attraction. It is that elusive something that makes you desire someone physically. It is an aura, that intangible "something in the way she moves me" feeling that often times does not have anything to do with what is considered standard beauty.

 

Like Spookie, I don't think it can be forced. It is either there or it isn't and no amount of wishing is going to bring it on.

 

Bob, you need to tell her that you view her only as a friend and nothing more.

[RecordProducer]

Don't feel bad your a good man Bob for not taking advantage of her allot of other men would have...

Are you joking? How can he take advantage when he is appalled by her body?!

 

I guess you hated those extra fats on you and decided to lose weight so that's why you can't be attracted to her.

Exactly!

 

Do you think I should still contact her? I think she pretty much got the picture considering she unfriended me on FB. I just don't want to rub it in.

I say definitely call her! You went to her place twice and you were friends, dated, whatever. It doesn't matter if she got the picture. When you apply to a university, they send replies to everyone. Imagine if they said on their website "If you didn't get a positive reply in six weeks - well, you get the picture. ;)"

 

For all I know, she is playing games, she wants to initiate a reaction. She will be wondering what happened for weeks if you don't call her. I's just rude. Call her and explain that you think you shouldn't see each other as dates anymore. If you want to be firends with her sometime in the future, you may offer that. In any case, don't just disappear and leave her with a 1000 questions. If she asks you why, I would be honest. Weight is something that she can change and perhaps it will motivate her to lose weight. It's not healthy anyway, so I don't accept the I-am-happy-to-be-fat reasoning.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

honestly I find this thread quite interesting cuz usually when a guy says something like that , people say he is shallow

 

I think it's because of the way he expressed it nicely.

(he didn't say like 'I don't like her cuz she is fat')

 

For Spanksthemonkey, you don't have to be insecure about yourself.

I remember you said you were a 'Large' woman somewhere.

I just said I am not attracted to those extra fat on women's body.

 

I don't know why you have to say 'I am not like that' because I didn't say it toward you

 

I am sure you are proud of who you are and you don't have to give a shxx about what I or people say.

Thanks I am proud of myself I made my judgment about you because time after time you have nothing but negative nasty things to say about overweight people in general.

 

face it yongyong you love stereo types hence the fat fingers & toes crap I call it like I see it I wont candy cote it for ya you don't like overweight people fine goon on ya.

 

But don't be shocked and confused when one responds to the constant belittling you dish out to them...

 

Oh I'm far from insecure at this moment in time don't you worry your thin little toes off on that my friend lol..

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Are you joking? How can he take advantage when he is appalled by her body?!

 

.

And this stops every man out there from doing such a thing? overweight women are constant targets of being used just for sex and then completely dumped.

 

Trust me some guys will sleep with a overweight women simply because its more often then not very easy sex as so many have extremely low self esteem.

 

The guy just wont brag about it to there other guy buddies or any one else...

[era]

When you apply to a university, they send replies to everyone. Imagine if they said on their website "If you didn't get a positive reply in six weeks - well, you get the picture."

 

Your analogy makes no sense.

 

If she asks you why, I would be honest. Weight is something that she can change and perhaps it will motivate her to lose weight.

 

Wrong. She will meet lots of men who are not the least bit concerned about her weight.

[parky1969]

There's an amazing documentary series "The Human Body" that put the 'no chemistry' conundrum into perspective. In that series the Dr host said that when there's no 'chemistry' between a guy and gal its nature's way of letting you know your immune systems aren't very compatible. That's why kissing is also important it tells our bodies if our chemical make up is a good combination for making more humans.

 

So in short: you are apparently not shallow. Your body chemistry is detecting from this female, that combining your immune systems by forming another human wont be the optimum choice.

i.e. if the physical chemistry isn't there, it's for a reason.

That's the science anyhow..hopes this helps?

 

http://player.video.news.com.au/news/#_aQQL6CacvmRYkXr3mNWtSpLMB_fgpz8

[RecordProducer]

Your analogy makes no sense.

To you!

 

Wrong. She will meet lots of men who are not the least bit concerned about her weight.

One can meet lots of interested candidates if they're a drunkard, a drug addict, rude, dumb, etc. Most men prefer thinner women. She should strive to look her best and be healthy.

 

Besides, I am not saying she can't meet the love of her life if she's overweight, but it sounds like she met a man she liked a lot and the only thing that bothered him about her is - her weight! Don't you think she should know that? I am sure it crossed her mind many times and that she was wondering if it bothered him. I am also not saying she should call her and tell her she is OW. I am just saying he owes her an explanation that he isn't interested in seeing her and give her a chance to ask any questions she may have.

[Ross PK]

You can't help it if you're not physically attracted to her, BobSacamento. It doesn't make you a bad person.

[Cherished]

No, don't tell her it's because of her weight.