bradleyp5 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Hey guys! I am currently serving a tour of duty for the Air Force. Our rotation is only about 4 months so its not bad, which doesnt compare to the army's 15 months. so my heart goes out to those men/women who do that. Anyways to get to the point. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for going on three years now. Things were going good before i left, we had a couple weeks down with me being in Iraq, and we were still sending cute emails back and forth. She would tell me how she missed me, she wish she could still wake up next to me in the morning, she "loved" me, and all that good stuff... and when she said these things it was all random you know? so i thought we were going good. We had broken up a couple months before because a few choice words were said but had got back together and went back to practically living together. How we were before. But on our facebook we never put our status back to "in a relationship". (ill get to why this is important later) Well eventually she started getting a little distant on the phone, and i would get aggrevated at her. I honestly felt like i was talking to a wall. I would ask how her day was going and it would be constant one word answers. She would never ask how i was doing or even act like she cared. By me getting aggrevated with her she said i was stressing her out and thats why she didnt want to talk to me. That was her excuse. One day i send her an email that said "miss you like hell baby, I love you" .... that day i also ask her to be my girlfriend back on facebook, i dont know why i decided to do it that day, i just did. The next day in response to the "miss you, love you" email she sent me a message saying "we need to talk" and thats it... we all know where this goes haha, she said we needed to take a break and said that there was noone else. (which doesnt make any sense because im thousands of miles away, she has all the space and time she wants, also why do it right after i ask you to be my girlfriend? Who are you hiding it from? Would you have told me you wanted a break if i hadn't asked to be your girlfriend? she never answered those by the way) She's graduating college in a couple of months and she says she doesnt know how she feels. I asked if she was going to start dating other guys....she said no, but if the opportunity presents itself she would not pass it up. i was just like what the hell? Then she left me confused and hurt. I mean what can i do, im in Iraq? So i let her have her space. Now we are talking again AFTER SHE WENT ON SPRING BREAK by the way...she decided for some reason to stop ignoring me haha. I know that her not knowing how she feels is an automatic greenlight for me to hit the road, but i love her more anything, i had actually started saving money for a ring and i was going to ask her to marry me. We have been talking off and on since then and she says she wants to take it slow when we get back but i cant understand why she wants to take it slow when we were fine before we left? I mean maybe i sound like an idiot to some of you guys but this is why im posting this... I just feel like this is a total slap in my face. the one time i really need her is now more than ever simply because this place is nothing short of depressing. Like how could this girl, my best friend, the love of my life leave me especially in my current situation, why not have the decency to wait for me to get back so that i can play my game a little bit? So that i could possibly have the opportunity to get her off my mind. What do you guys think of my situation? Should i kick her to the curb or "take it slow" when i get back?
confused11 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Hey Bradley...I feel for you. I recently tried to make things work with a guy in the AF...except, because he is in the AF, he doesn't want to put in the time for a relationship so it is opposite from you. How old are the two of you? How much time left do you have to serve in Iraq and in the AF? She is just graduating school, probably young, probably meeting other people, and doesn't want to invest anymore time for something that she isn't sure about. I hate to say it, but it seems like someone has caught her attention. I really cared about this guy, distance or not, I would have commited had he wanted it, but he didn't. If she loves you, I don't think the distance would have mattered. It is only four months! I did something like that last year when he was tdy (i think that is the correct term lol). I'll tell you what, I had a great summer on my own and still talked to him pretty much everyday. It didn't work out because at the end of the day, no matter how much we talked or took time to build something, he didn't want it because he doesn't want to be with me. It seems like she doesn't want to either but that is only my opinion. I think as stupid as facebook and myspace is, if someone can't acknowledge you on there, then they are trying to hide it (i had the same reservations as you!) She is doing this while you are away so she can go out and have her fun and not run into you or see you do the same. It sucks that she did this to you while you are serving our country, but at least you can go NC, which will help you begin to heal. I know it feels much harder because you have all these unanswered questions and can't really talk to her so you feel helpless. But being home or not, the unanswered questions will still be there. Do you feel that if you hadn't gone, then this wouldn't have happened? Did she give you any other reasons? Were you both talking about your future together?
Enema Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She wanted a break so she wouldn't feel guilty about slutting it up on spring break. I'd say there's no doubt she had, or has some side-sausage. Up to you how you deal with it.
Author bradleyp5 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 thanks for the response....we are both 22. But i have no clue if this would have happened if i were still in the states. As of right now we are still talking, and like i said she wants to take things slow when we get back. There were some things in the past that happened that she brought up that have always bothered her which made me think "maybe" she did this for the right reasons. But i cant deny the fact that she came to this decision while im serving time in Iraq. I think now she feels bad for doing it, either that or she just is waiting to give me the slip until i get home. I dont know. So no one can call her a bitch if she does that right? lol...im just totally lost in my love for her, but having a feeling deep inside that tells me she wants to get out. I wish i just knew, becuase shes positive she wants to take it slow when i get back. just dont make much sense, but what part about love really does?
Template Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Hey dude, First I'd like to say, thanks for serving our country. Second, you have to get this out of your mind, and focus on staying safe there. The where, when, why, how, is totally irrelevant if she doesn't love you like you want, and/or deserve to be loved. I know it hurts, but it'll pass. Maybe she was seeing another guy, maybe a girl, who knows. Or maybe, the timing is just not right for the two of you. If you know you are a good guy, firm moral beliefs, know what you want in life, you'll find someone who'll appreciate it. Heck, you may just end up with her down the road when the time is right! You're young, and this is just another life experience that this is how the world works. Trust me, nothing sucks more when you need the support of someone you love, and they abandon you. You'll have other opportunities... look forward to them.
lostsunsets Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Bradley, I believe she did distance herself so she wouldn't have a guilty conscience to. And why she wants to take it slow. Is because she has tried to convince herself that you were broken up while she was cheating. She may really love you, but she did cheat during this time. You have the opportunity to make an impact on her while you are away. Do not contact her for awhile. And see what happens. This will require a lot of strength on your part. Do not call her. Wait a while and then respond to her with one or two word responses. When she asks why you are acting that way. Tell her that you are taking it slow. Tell her that you think she was right. Then say: "You acted one way before you went on spring break and acted another way after spring break. I believe the whole time you were distancing yourself from me so that you wouldn't feel guilty about seeing other guys. We had something special and I leave for 4 months and you lose interest. I have too much to offer a woman to be treated like this. I was making plans for our future but based upon your lack of commitment, I pretty much have put those plans on hold. I mean if our love only has a shelf life of less then 4 months, it doesn't give me a whole lot of confidence about making it 50 or 60 years. So have fun and see other guys or what ever you want to do. When I come home, if you have any interest left in me, maybe we can get together and talk and see where we stand. If not then don't feel obligated to keep in contact with me." My son was in Jibutti for a few months with the Air force, so I have an Idea of what you're going through. If you respond to her with this, DO NOT BE OR SOUND ANGRY. BE CONFIDENT AND SOMEWHAT UNEMOTIONAL. DO NOT ARGUE OR FIGHT WITH HER. KEEP YOUR COOL. Two things will happen. She will flake off. If that happens, she isn't worth spit. Forget her. Or she will wake up to how she treated you. When you do get home she needs to work to get you back. AND I MEAN WORK HER A$$ OFF. She has proven herself undependable and untrustworthy. Read through some of these infidelity sites, and see how chasing after a wayward significant other works. It doesn't. What you need to do is create an emotional vacuum. She has done it with you and she has you chasing her. You need to create that vacuum to pull her back (if you want her after her deserting you in your hour of need). You are worth more then this. And you are entitled to complete commitment.
lostsunsets Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Oh, and I would spend all my energy in working out. Buff up, It will help relieve stress and actually make you feel a lot happier. I was in the navy and I spent 7 months at sea, and that's what we did to pass time. When I was in we didn't have cell phones or the Internet. All we had were letters and telegraphs.
Jay34 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 yeah it is a slap in your face, you seem like a good guy and i believe she said those things, just like a couple other posters have said to relieve her of guilt, if she won't tell others she is in a relationship then she is hiding something, if she wants to act single then guess what she is. i would go no contact with her, you notice she contacts you AFTER spring break, meanwhile your over in iraq! what the hell, a girlfriend for 3 years, how can you depend on this woman ? what a b**** , if the opportunity presents itself she would, don't talk to her for awhile, right now unfortunately you can not trust anything she says, she definitely is not the girl who would stick around through thick and thin, i'm really sorry man, the best thing you can do is stop trying to contact her and ignore her for awhile, make her wonder, she asked for space, now give it to her permanently or at least until you go back home, and from now on she should be the one who is wondering whats up with you, why won't he answer me, etc... good luck!
Author bradleyp5 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 you guys have taken care of alot of my confusion... its nice knowing that im not the only guys going through this... but the thing is...it all makes sense. I think im going to take the route of not talking to her, even though shes been wanting to talk. I think its the only thing i can do.
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