indianlover Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Does anyone else here sometimes feel even lonelier after going on a date? I've gone on a few first dates recently and for some reason afterwards I've felt really lonely. The dates all went well, so I should be excited. Its as though I'm sad nothing is clicking yet. :-/
carhill Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Well, if you enjoy a person's company and then you part ways, it's normal to miss that connection. Generally, that doesn't happen for awhile, until you get to know them and like them. Do you mind being alone otherwise? Like right now I don't think there's a human within a quarter mile and it doesn't bother me. I could live like this for a couple weeks. I don't mind being alone and am not lonely when I am. Does that make sense? Of course, going on more dates is the solution
Author indianlover Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 Hi carhill, I'm a fairly independent person, have traveled on my own, live by myself, etc. So I don't mind being with myself, my thoughts. I'm excited to be dating again and meeting different people. For me dating stirs up memories of past relationships/people and can put me into a funk afterwards. Plus I haven't felt an immediate connection and have been a little hesitent about each guy for a different reason. Hard part is, I feel guilty about it because *they* haven't done anything to deserve my skepticism, its more my past experience. Trying to keep an open mind, keep the past from influencing the now.
carhill Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Be mindful of your circumstances and preferences (especially around living alone) which bleed into your dating and interpersonal relationship dynamic. When one is used to personal solitude, it takes some effort and energy to open themselves to connections with others. It's like dusting off an old wrench which hasn't been used in awhile. Give it time. Perhaps that emptiness is the cleaning process
Isolde Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I know what you mean. Spending time with someone can be more lonely than being by yourself. Because you get to know a little part of them, and if you don't feel the click, you wonder what you are doing there, if you will ever see them again, if you even want to... and if you do, you wonder if they feel the same. Yeah, it can feel hollow after awhile. Don't force yourself to date just for the heck of it, chances are if someone is relationship material you will feel compelled to go out with them and get to know them.
Isolde Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Be mindful of your circumstances and preferences (especially around living alone) which bleed into your dating and interpersonal relationship dynamic. When one is used to personal solitude, it takes some effort and energy to open themselves to connections with others. It's like dusting off an old wrench which hasn't been used in awhile. Give it time. Perhaps that emptiness is the cleaning process This, also. Carhill you are quite wise...
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