Ilovehim Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 (( SORRY ITS LONG BUT PLEASE TRY TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THIS!!!))) By now I shouldnt even care nor should it matter but it does unfortuantely and I was just wondering what your guys' opinions were on this.. When me and my ex were together I was very irratable and yes made alot of mistakes due to my anger issues. He used to tell me he was sooo in love with me and there were times that he would start crying because of things I would say and my attitude was really bad at times. Of course I would apologize and cry too afterwards and we would work on everything, hold each other tight and promise to ALWAYS be able to work on everything. I remember when we would breka up out of arguments. We would cry with each other and say how bad it felt to lose each other and that we would NEVER put each other through that. Now press forward to the break-up..He told me I had hurt him way too much (because I did something that he considered "cheating" according to him) and that how could I had done all the things I did to him?? All this anger came out and things I never even knew about that bothered him, it was as if he had kept everything bottled up inside and then he exploded... That night I could not help but cry so much telling him how sorry I was and I thought we had worked through this..and he replies "i cant forgive you for everything you did, you hurt me so much." BUT WE HAD ESTABLISHED THIS AND IT WAS OVER...WE HAD MANY CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THIS...I WAS SO HURT HE WAS EVEN BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN. Then he starts crying and mentioning all my mistakes and how he just couldnt forgive me for "cheating" on him ALTHOUGH IT WAS NOT CHEATING TO ME (sorry I dont really want to get into details about this part)...I can completely understand that I hurt him but I thought he had forgiven me..by the way this "cheating thing" had happened SOO LONG ago, and he always mentioned it untill the day he broke up with me.. Then he kept telling me how he had "suppressed" his feelings for me because of how much i hurt him, he resented me and that made him grow distant from me to the point that he no longer was in love with me.. Then after seeing me cry sooo much over this, he says "im sorry, i didnt mean to say that to hurt you...its not your fault at all, im just not in love with you anymore and i dont know why." Then I tell him 'well you dont know how much this is hurting me." and he goes to say "yeah well now you know how i felt when you "cheated" on me, and when you did all the stuff you did." Then he would come saying again.."im soo sorry, i didnt mean to say that..noo its not your fault at all, your beautiful and a sweetheart. im sorry i no longer feel the same way anymore.." When I told him he was confusing me..he replies "we need to stop seeing each other to move on...i dont want to try anymore in this relationship.." and keeps going on about how he is so confused but knows that WANTS to move on from me and then tells me the sprak is not there anymore and when we first met he was so into me and really really liked me so much..and this went on for a year and so and so on....but he kept mentioning "my mistakes" and how he tried to deal with it but he couldnt and it basically boiled down to this..."the sparks were gone because we were so comfortable with each other and he used to feel so nervous around me and now he didnt..he used to love me so much but my mistakes and the fact that i hurt him led him to suppress his feelings which eventually led to them being GONE and now he was no longer in love with me, and didnt want to be with me because I was his first everything and we are soo young, and we are two different people.) This has left me with many regrets and confused as to think was I the reason why he stopped loving me??? Was he ever TRULY IN LOVE with me??? how could he have loved me so much and do this to me??? I guess one of the reasons why this bothers me soo much is because i loved him SO SO MUCH and i feel like he just gave up...im mad he let everything out when we broke up...because i KNOW if he would have told me how he was feeling when he started to feel it WHICH WAS 8 MONTHS BEFORE HE LEFT ME....I was mad he dragged me along untill he got over me so he wouldnt hurt KNOWING this was happening, he didnt tell me...made me believe we WERE WORKING THINGS OUT when in reality he was looking for a way out...I know if he would have told me all this, I would have tried to make it work and then if it didnt work, we would have ended it and it would have been much less painful.. but he dragged me alogn through the mudd, putting me through soo much for so long while i was with him, confusing me and playing with my head..untill when he finally left me i was so broken!!!! cans omeone give me some input, please anything??? why did this break-up BREAK ME??? I used to be so strong Im just so confused at what happened because how can a love that FEELS and seems so strong fade?? he used to cry over me and we used to tell each other we would give our life for each other...and he SHOWED me he cared by his actions and words...i just dont understand how can ALL THAT LOVE just dissapear???? i just hope i wasnt living a lie....i dont even think i want the answer to the question whether was his love ever real?? sigh.....can someone help me understand?? where did it all go wrong???
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