the_otherhalf Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 It's been a long time since I've been here. And rightly so. I was devastated when he left me. He was my first love. We had been together for almost four years. And me, my constant nagging and misunderstandings, drove him away. I felt horrendous and hated myself. We broke up, and he still wanted to be friends. It was terrible. Of course, I still wanted to date him, but he wasn't at all interested in me. Finally, after six months of this, I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and that maybe we would talk sometime in the future. He agreed, and we stopped talking. In the meantime, I dated people, I partially gave my heart to some people, and I slept with two people (strange, because of how much my ex and I had joked about only sleeping with the same person for the rest of our lives...each other). My ex started dating someone about a month after we broke up, which was also devastating. But now apparently is the future. Two years later. I am taking a school trip to Germany this summer, and I found out from an acquaintance that he will be on the same trip. I had wondered if he was going (we have the same major), but I didn't think anything of it because he is in Europe right now on a different school trip. Unsure of what to do with this information, I finally decided to e-mail him to let him know that I will be on the same trip. He writes me back a surprisingly nice, human message, asking how I was, giving details about what he's doing now, etc. I e-mailed him back a short note and asked a few more questions about what he's been up to. I haven't heard anything back yet. A few days ago, I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend of two years (the same one he had been dating since we broke up). I found this incredibly strange because of the time they've been dating and because she just visited him in Europe over our Spring Break about three weeks ago. In fact, I think they just had their 2 year anniversary. I don't want to draw lines of cause and effect, especially since I haven't talked to him in so long (hell, we aren't even Facebook friends! my decision long ago...). But is there anything to make of this? It's been boggling my mind for these past few days. I should also add that I currently have a long-term boyfriend who I've been dating for a year. He's absolutely wonderful, and we are living together starting in August (after I get back from Germany). Our relationship is amazing and much more agreeable than any I've had in the past. So I don't know what's lingering in my mind. This just all seems very, very strange, coincidental and unpredictable. Maybe it's the first love coming back...but I don't feel love, I feel anxiety. Again, for what, I don't know. It also sucks that last time my ex and I were both in Germany, we had been dating for 3 years and had a great time there. This just all seems like too many things are falling into some place all at once. What do you think?
Author the_otherhalf Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 You know, I've wondered about that. I think we were compatible, but I was just very high strung. I've changed quite a bit since I dated him. He was always very forgiving, but I can't believe how many fights I picked with him (and previous boyfriends before that) for absolutely no reason.
carhill Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 There is such a thing as emotional compatibility. Did you feel he was close enough to you emotionally or were you always chasing him, taking responsibility for that part of the relationship? Or, the reverse? Those kinds of things are what I'm talking about. Being on the same wavelength emotionally. I can presume you know about the socio/political/religious/children part already....
Author the_otherhalf Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 There is such a thing as emotional compatibility. Did you feel he was close enough to you emotionally or were you always chasing him, taking responsibility for that part of the relationship? Or, the reverse? Those kinds of things are what I'm talking about. Being on the same wavelength emotionally. I can presume you know about the socio/political/religious/children part already.... I've always had a hard time being close to people, but of course after our relationship ended, I felt like I had completely lost a part of myself. He was close to me emotionally, and if anything, he was probably chasing me. We had a rough patch early in our relationship, so I chased him to bring him back, but I think one of the main problems was that I don't know if I was ever able to fully forgive him (for breaking up with me and going back to another girl and a mutual friend).
carhill Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 It's possible the anxiety you feel is regarding the "what if" potential of what you once had. Is it consistent or situational? Any pattern? I might otherwise call this a rubber band relationship, but don't think I'll make that call today. If you're having thoughts of him while in an otherwise satisfying relationship with someone else, that bears scrutiny. Keep us posted
Lucky_One Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I think you are looking WAY too much into something that is very likely to be total coincidence. Even more telling, I think you are thinking about it WAY too much, assuming that your words about your happy relationship with your fantastic BF are true. I'd forget it, I'd go on your trip, and I'd come back to live with my BF.
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