Tryng2Trust08 Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I need to vent...I think I have some sort of problem that I can't make a relationship work. I have been in tears for 3 days now, no word from my ex after his mean comments to me. I told him how bad it hurt me, he knows Im hurting right now and he could care less. I told him how bad it hurt me when he turned his back on me(after we broke up) and he said he reached his breaking point with me. I wish I could be like him and just not care, I have tried and it doesn't work. He knew how much stress I am under, raising kids on my own, going to school and trying to be financially stable. Im so angry with him and its not healthy for me to feel this anger, I want to move past him, I want the anger to go away. I dont know how he could live with himself knowing he just turned his back on me. SO, he reaches his breaking point, what about me? I really hate him for this. He doesnt understand why Im soo upset because I was divorced and that was painful. I guess he doesnt understand how it feels to have a friend turn on you when things start to go bad.
smile_through_tears Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 hey girl, first Im sending you a big hug!! Second, I want you to know that your not alone in this, I have been through it and still do go through it alot of times, the tears, the anger, the how could you just leave me...all of it...and there is no question that it sucks...if your really in alot of distress i would suggest talkin to a therapist..i def. would but i dont have the money for it...i hope u feel better soon.
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 It's better for me to get it out here than to try to contact him...which I have tried and he is ignoring me. I just gotta move on, and everytime I say this he ends up texting me, trying to joke around with me, and make light of the situation. I respond trying to be ok with things, I dont hold grudges, but it always turns out like this, me getting angry. He blames it ALL on me. I wish he would apologize, but I know he wont, and thats fine.
nature Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Trying, how long have you two been split up now? And how long were you in a relationship with him? I can't remember, sorry!
sparklemama Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 As long as you continue to have questions of why?You can not fully let go and start the healing process.I know you want answers after my ex ended things with me all i kept saying was why? why are you hurting me like this?why dont you care anymore?what can i do to make things right? He refuses to answer questions thats when they all of a sudden rather get off the phone.Best thing for you is to be o.k without those questions being answered because if you know he never will answer them your holding on to nothing.Also explanations wont change the situation.Also he broke up with you so chances are he is not feeling as bad as you are and also if you are calling him then he has a power control over you right now that makes him feel like you are there and a sure thing.Its easier to cut all ties no matter what.I know how hard it is.I have a child with my ex and now i am a single mother so it can get very frustrating.Talk to friends and family and continue to talk to us here i find that it is very therapeautic.I wish you the best.Take care
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 Nature, we have been broken up since Mid January and the longest we have been out of contact would be about a week. We dated for about 8 months. We decided to make things work, we had plans to go out on a date in a few days and in one of our texting conversations, he said He wanted a casual friendship with me. That was my breaking point...a week prior he was asking me what he could do to make things work and now he wants to be casual friends, call me everyday and make plans for dates? I called him and told him I couldnt take it anymore. He then texted me saying he has never tried this hard for a girl and nver been this close to anyone. I felt bad and considering I still had feelings for him, we continued to keep in contact. The longest we have been out of contact has been about a week. We have gone back and forth, etc...At times I wouldnt answer his text and he would ask me if I was still alive because I always respond. He said I was panicking by trying to cut contact, and then get angry with me and tell me to never contact him again. He would just send joking texts, and I kept thinking I was OK to be friends, he was having a hard time with work and I thought I could be there for him. I know now I can't for some reason, I have apologized for anything I have done. He has called me impatient, nothing is ever good enough for me, etc...He will ignore texts and then I stop texting and then texts me a few days later, telling me he is impressed with my behavior, etc....Impressed? Like Im a child. Im not trying to impress anyone, when I dont text him Im trying to move on, Im not trying to impress him. It's like he wants to keep me on a string, I see him as being controlling, if something doesnt go his way, he is going to blame me I feel better getting it out, than keeping it inside. My life is going good right now, I just want to move forward and away from HIM and his blame. My ex sounds a lot like yours...He would make the plans for us, anything I ever offered up doing together, he would change to what he wanted. So, I kept my mouth shut and whatever he wanted he got, then I started to complain because I know that's not right in a relationship. As soon as I started to complain, he told me he was losing interest in me. He honestly acted like my children, I asked him one time why he didn't spend the night(he lives an hr from me) and he went off on me saying now he is going to feel uncomfortable everytime he doesnt spend the night. WHAT?
LoveUrselfFirst Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 He seems very back and forth with you which would make any woman confused, angry and hurt at the same time. I'm so sorry that he is putting you through the misery that you don't deserve. Casual friendship does not work when you've been in a relationship with that person because I don't care what anyone says, but it is hard to keep those feelings aside being "friends". I think that you need to focus on what you are doing for your children's and your life as well (with school, work, and making the best of your life). Sometimes I get so depressed about my ex, but I think about the times he would forget to show up when we had plans, when he'd say negative things to me, and make it seem like he was better than me, and it made me feel a bit stronger to move forward without him. Maybe today isn't the day you meet Mr. Right, but honey you will. And when it does, you won't remember douche bags name. Stay strong!!! And whenever you feel like you want to cry or need someone to talk to, the board is always available
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Thanx loveyourself first...I guess I have a little guilt because ultimately I called things off when I still had strong feelings for him. But it was necessary because I just was not happy any longer and I feel I gave him chances for months and couldnt live like that. The whole relationship was the way he wanted and I told him that many times how I felt, he saw it as me complaining and nothing would make me happy. Its odd but having him in my life seemed to magnify some minor problems I had to deal with. I was getting unusually upset about things I would normally let slide. I wasnt myself. I have never ended a relationship, so this is new to me and I think thats why I have had trouble. I have only dated like 3-4 guys, thats including my ex husband( I got married young). I know I'll be fine, I have gotten too far in my life to be upset about him any longer, it's wierd to me I have been this undone. A couple things he said made me feel like because I am a single mom I should be more submissive because I have baggage and he is a single man, never married, no kids, etc...I would always fight back and tell him my POV and he hated that. He just wanted me to keep quiet and not stick up for myself. Sorry, thats not the type of woman I am! I still miss him, of course, but Im planning on NC if he even attempts to contact me, which I reallly doubt he will at this point. I just have to stay strong, which I dont think is going to be a problem
LoveUrselfFirst Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Don't let anyone ever tell you because you are a single mother, or that you were never marries and so forth that you have baggage or be negative towards you!!! Everyone has different lives and if he couldn't respect that, than let the door hit him in the ass!!! Be proud of your accomplishments and anything in life you've done. If he can't appreciate the fact that you are a strong woman, than to hell with him. I'm glad you spoke up and you didn't allow him to put you down, because god forbid if the relationship continued, because than he'd be your downfall, ya know? This isn't the caveman days where the man would pull the woman by the hair and he was the emporer....somebody told him wrong. Anyways now I'm starting to dislike him and I don't even know him, lol. Anyways the days will get better for you and if he calls, you don't have to pick up. He's nobody.
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