akklavi Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Hi to everyone! I've been many times on this wonderful site, and at last decided to sign up and ask a question of my own :-) I have the usual tale - the ex ended the relationship (formally) back in November. But really months before, as he started to pull away. He'd all but stopped communicating, and me being totally in love, (and going through some difficult personal stuff at the time) made all sorts of excuses to myself about his behaviour. It was an LDR, but he'd said the "I love you" "never felt this way before" blah blah, and then obviously got scared, realised he didn't really feel it, and just disappeared. When I finally asked him directly what was going on, (as he was up and down - yes I want to see you - then not hearing anything for weeks etc...) He did reply, feeding me the standard excuse that he became "confused as things got more intense", timing was bad etc.. etc... I should say we were only together 6 months. My question is, why do we, who have been treated badly, still want to reconcile with our ex's? Why do we make excuses to ourselves for their inconsiderate behaviour? Because I still mourn this damn relationship, he totally broke my heart, but it ended months ago, and yet I am not over it. And deep down part of me wants him back. But feel ridiculous and pathetic for feeling so! Other people's experiences/advice would be great to hear. I've never been through this before like this. Thanks, and sorry this is sooooo long! ;-)
Thomas X Forever Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 It could be many different reasons. Firstly, we tend to want what we can't have. That usually f's us over. Secondly, you may feel deep down that you can't do better, or you can't even match it, and they're all you've got. There are many different explanations, but all we realize on the outside is that it sucks. Which it does.
EmperorR Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 - You want what you can't have - being rejected sucks, and hurts your pride - you love that person - you feel like you won't be able to find someone that "great", "pretty", or who understand you like they did - your comfortable with them, and it will be hard opening up to someone again - you think of the good/ great time Sorry about your loss, basically same as mine, a ldr but we saw each other every week, got the your the best bf ever, every other guy Cheated on me or hurt me, I've never felt this way before yawn, then she started to ignore aka emotionally detaching then dumped me, your a greet guy but I think we should be friends I still love you though., ah the classic break up lines.
Author akklavi Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 Thanks, it helped to hear that, you're both so right. And sorry you're going through the same thing too EmperorR. I can totally relate to your circumstances. It sounds like your ex was just as dishonest in a way, as mine, by doing the whole passive withdrawal thing, then offering the usual bs response for why they're ending it. I was thinking about this earlier, that maybe wanting one's ex back might also be because the person who was left feels like such a failure, that the ex renewing their affections would somehow nullify that feeling, and "prove" that one wasn't so inadequate after all.... I don't know, probably absolute rubbish I'm beginning to sound a bit pop-psych, but that's what's floating around in my head the moment.
Slymee Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 It could be many different reasons. Firstly, we tend to want what we can't have. That usually f's us over. Secondly, you may feel deep down that you can't do better, or you can't even match it, and they're all you've got. There are many different explanations, but all we realize on the outside is that it sucks. Which it does. i love how this guy always says "firstly and secondly" anyway, i stupidly got engaged after only 6 months of my relationship. if the communication slows down THIS early in the relationship... you might as well get out while you can. i spent 3 years in a terribly bad communicative relationship, which lead to me finally leaving when she wasn't home.... it was the only way out!!!
Lishy Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I think we miss what we thought the relationship could be and not what it actually was. We miss the potential that we thought our exes had and feel lonely. the feeling of rejection and failure makes us feel bad and not the loss of the actual real person who we have split up from! Thats my theory anyway Chin up honey, it will get better!!
Alex_M Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I think it's because we remember them for who they were, not who they've become. People change and we miss them. It's like they've died and we want them back. We all gotta move on. 6 months and still missing her though. :rolleyes: It helps the whole "wanting them back" when you try to think that they're permenantly gone. I think dealing with that is the hardest part.
Thomas X Forever Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Lmao was that sarcasm or do you really love it
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 It hurts because I loved him and lost him, and the worst part is he didn't even love me back. I gave him my heart, and he didn't even give me the courtesy of a phone call to say goodbye. I want him back because I'm deluding myself that he really was the perfect guy I thought he was, because I don't want to admit I haven't found that special someone after all, because I'm so tired of looking and I really wanted it to be him.
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