So scared and worried.

[ReggaeLover]

I don't know where to begin this. I'm so distraught now. A few months ago I met a girl... on World of Warcraft of all places. I know that comment in itself will probably get my crucified. Certainly all my friends and family have bagged me out for it to no end. Each time I mention it they all say how I'm a weirdo and a "loser" for meeting a girl in an online game. Well anyway all that aside, it's not the point of this post. We met and just began talking. Soon we began talking every day. I realised all I began looking forward to was her logging onto msn (she ran out of WoW time). About a month after we met I told her I think i had a crush on her, and she said she felt the same.

 

We progressed I guess then. We became a couple, we always talked on msn, played WoW. Every day we were together, and we were talking even via voice chat and texting and mobile phone. I think.... as much as it sounds corny and stupid.... I think I fell in love online, with a girl I had never met. She also told me she had fallen desperatly in love with me, and couldn't stand not being with me. We have simply had a blast the time we have been together, I loved every second of it.

 

There are however, some rather major issues. First of all her health, she is always having fainting spells, migraines, and is generally a quite weak person. The first time she was meant to come down to see me, she fell in the shower beforehand, and had to go to hospital for stitches. So there went that idea. Basically for the last few months I've always been worried about her health, if she will be ok. The doctor told her she had to get scans because she may have brain tumors. So I'm terrified for her health every single day.

 

Also her family is quite overbearing and cruel to her. It even is domestic violence at some points, from what she told me has been happening. So im pretty much always worried if she will be ok, and this worrying is really impacting on me, and I am having trouble focusing on my studies. I am obsessed with her, and I can't think of anything but her. I know this is bad but it just happened. She feels the same way too, shes cried a lot whenever something bad happened to me.

 

Well anyway, due to my uni and her tafe we havent been able to catch up. We do both have a week off for easter however. So we made plans to meet up, her coming down to my house, since we both want that. She doesnt like her home, so it only made sense to come down here for a while. Lately however things have been really weird with her. She has become a lot less responsive than she normally is. She's telling me now that her mum isn't sure if she will let her come down to see me, which is quite a problem. Monica gets Centrelink payments every fortnight (a substantial amount too). I don't. I would still find some way to scrounge up money to go see her though if need be.

 

I am however worried about going to her house, because her family seems very strange from what shes told me. I rang her house tonight for the first time. We had always talked on internet voice chat or mobile phone before. This conversation made me very very worried. Her mum answered and I said "Hello this is Mike, Monica's friend, can I talk to her?" And she said "Monica do you have a friend called Mike?" To which Monica replied yes. Her mum then asked where i was from and she said "Melbourne." I was very worried now. SHE HAD TOLD ME THAT HER PARENTS KNEW ALL ABOUT ME.

 

The conversation with her was even more chilling. Monica sounded very strange. She only said yes or no asnwers. SHE DIDNT EVEN SAY ONE COMPLETE SENTENCE. What the hell? The longest sentence was "Getting ready for bed." I hadn't heard her voice in ages but she was sounding very strange, like she was hiding something. She didnt answer any of my questions. I asked if her mum knew who i was and she just trailed off. What is going on!!?? I dont know what to think now. She didnt even say "I love you" at the end. I'm so scared that something is wrong, that she has been lying to me all this time. That maybe no one in her family even knows who the hell i am? Easter break starts in FOUR DAYS AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE IS COMING DOWN OR IF IM COMING UP. Frankly though, I wouldnt feel right going into a house where no one knew me. I've tried texting and calling her mobile since then but she hasnt replied anything. I'm so scared now. I don't know what to think, If this whole thing has been a lie? Please... any advice would be welcome. I don't want to lose what I've had.

My mum says that I am looking like I am about to lose my mind. I havent been able to eat or sleep lately, I'm just so worried about meeting her.

 

 

 

P.S: I hope this post makes sense, I can't really get my mind in order.

P.P.S: We are both 18

[ReggaeLover]

Oh my god my worst fears just came through. She told me on msn to call her home again, her mum wanted to speak to me. I did, and it seems her parents had no knowledge of me, or that we were in a relationship. ARGH. I can't believe this is happening. 3 months of my life down the drain. She lied about everything. I can't believe this. I am actually crying now.

[Els]

She lied about everything? Or only about her parents' knowledge of you?

 

Seems a strange thing to lie about, really. Was it very important to you, that her parents knew? Would you have minded if they didn't?

 

Why do you have to meet at her HOUSE, btw?

[sm0ked]

No crucifixion from me. I met a guy on MySpace over two years ago and pretty much fell for him late last year. ;] Same sort of progress and endless talking, etc. Some people just don't understand, or aren't capable of feeling that way without physical interaction. What matters is what YOU feel, as long as you aren't kidding yourself, of course.

 

Anyway. The first thing that occurs to me about your post is that you both sound a bit fragile. In my experience it takes two "whole" people to make a relationship work, so if I were you I would try not letting this girl become the centre of your world, because look at what it does to you, to both of you. Basically, you seem to have a relationship based on "survival" or "escape", even (in your words) "obsession". Try to look in on your relationship from an outsider's point of view, how do you see it?

 

Second, do be careful with the word "love". You've known her for three months, and considering all the issues you're having individually and together, it seems bad luck to start using the word "love" so soon. It doesn't mean any less even if you're just "in like" with each other, but don't jinx it before you've even met.

 

From what I gather, she seems to find reasons/excuses not to meet up. I did this with the guy I've fallen for, the whole time before he was deported, I would come up with reasons why I wouldn't meet with him despite him living 10 minutes away. Why? Fear, doubts, worry, putting off until his return here. So you see there could be a number of reasons why this girl is reluctant: Maybe she's scared of the relationship becoming "real", perhaps she lied about her family being abusive, or maybe she hasn't shown you her true pictures? The list is extensive, and only she knows the answer. =/

 

However, I understand why you're confused, but you need to calm down your reactions and think before you speak. She may have replied abruptly because you called her at home and weren't supposed to (did you even ask!?), or her parents were listening in to the convo. So she hasn't told her parents, she lied about that for some reason, likely for the same reasons you've been experiencing with being called a loser, etc. She said they're abusive, no? (If that's even the case)

 

Now, what to do about it. Well I think you should stop chasing so hard and realise that she has explaining to do. If she's been backing off, you won't help matters by obsessively contacting her. Also, realise that just because she didn't tell her parents, doesn't mean everything was a lie. What matters now is what she's going to do about it, and whether you can find out where you stand without coming across as angry or demanding.

[mental_traveller]

Oh my god my worst fears just came through. She told me on msn to call her home again, her mum wanted to speak to me. I did, and it seems her parents had no knowledge of me, or that we were in a relationship. ARGH. I can't believe this is happening. 3 months of my life down the drain. She lied about everything. I can't believe this. I am actually crying now.

 

This is the sad reality of many online "relationships", and human nature. I read a story once of a young guy who flew from England to New York to meet his internet "girlfriend" - who turned out to be a 70-something grandmother.

 

My advice is never take someone too seriously until you have met them in person at their home address. That's the only way you can really tell they are i) real ii) not married or living with someone else iii) genuinely interested in you.

 

Put this down as a good lesson in life. Trust, but verify, and remember that *anyone* you meet could be a total liar and con artist.

[EllieBean]

If she lied about her parents knowing about your relationship, goodness knows what else she lied about. Is her family really abusive? Did she really fall and need stitches, or was that an excuse not to come to see you? Did she make up the whole thing about brain tumours? Perhaps she's in a relationship already, or is older/younger than she claimed? There are many possibilities, but one thing that's certain is that she's definitely been lying to you.

 

The reason she was short with you on the phone was because her parents and/or someone else was listening, and she didn't want to give too much away - she certainly didn't want to say "I love you" in front of whoever was in the room. This all sounds very suspicious to me.

 

Now you're texting and calling but not getting any reply, so it seems like she's ignoring you. I hope she has the decency to speak to you eventually and tell you the truth, but I don't think she will. Please don't just pick up your relationship where you left off without getting some answers, because something is definitely very wrong here. If she refuses to speak to you, you may just have to put this one down to experience

[KikiW]

Ok, first of all I wanted to say that I met my LDR through WoW, too. Known each other for a year. It's not so weird.

 

I will play Devil's Advocate for a moment and say that if she is in an abusive household, I can see why she might not want to reveal her relationship with you. I can also see why she may have been hesitant to reveal her feelings on the phone if her mother was standing closeby. I have a daughter who does not know the extent of my relationship with my LDR (at the moment he is simply a "close friend" in her eyes), so I am very careful about how often I talk to him on the phone and what I say when I am.

 

On the other hand, she said her parents knew about you when they clearly didn't. If she had wanted to be careful, she would have told you that they didn't know and she wanted to keep it on the DL so she didn't have any trouble. And yes, she seems to be making excuses not to meet in person.

 

If you continue on with any sort of relationship, you should demand the entire truth from her. Tell her you loved her and it really hurts to think she could just play you like an idiot, so if she had any feelings for you she should be eager to clear up any misunderstandings or issues.

 

You deserve and should expect full disclosure. Anything less is her playing you, and I would ditch her immediately.

[Rudeger]

Thanks for the responses. I'm sorry if my post didnt make much sense, I was quite upset that night. Well I have since then talked to both her mum and her on the phone, and we cleared everything up. Her mum told me she was just a nieve young girl, new to relationships. She was however happy that her daughter had found someone and was happy for us to be together.

 

I have since then talked to Monica several times on the phone, and she sounds just like her usual self, all bubbly and cheerful, with the usual "I love you's" etc. So it seems like we have patched things up. The only problem now is that my mum is scared to let me go to see her. Her family has told me that its fine for me to come, but my mum thinks that I will be killed and my organs sold on the black market, or something like that.

 

I have got into several huge arguments with the parents over this, and I dont know what to do. I go to uni full time, so i have a limited time to work, therefore i cant afford tickets to go see Monica. They don't want to let me go, even though I'm 18.

 

Oh wopps logged on a diff acc

[Lucky_One]

So, when you had her mom on the phone, did you confront her about the constant verbal abuse, the physical abuse, and the sexual abuse that leads your GF to want to be raped, to be spanked, to have rough anal sex, and to be dominated on a daily basis?

 

Her daughter doesn't sound so naive.

 

Your posts make no sense. I do hate a troll who takes people's time and efforts away from other people who could have real issues that they need help with.

[Rollercoasterr]

Why oh why do you have 2 accounts here? Dare I say troll?

 

Really. If this were true NO person would go back after a lie like what she's told to her parents. Who knows what else she'll lie about.

 

Troll, troll.

 

Nevermind, just read your other posts under that name. Tsk, tsk.

[Katherineos123]

So, when you had her mom on the phone, did you confront her about the constant verbal abuse, the physical abuse, and the sexual abuse that leads your GF to want to be raped, to be spanked, to have rough anal sex, and to be dominated on a daily basis?

 

Where did you get this information from Lucky? And what in the world is a troll?!

[LonelyTiger]

I'd like to know what 'troll' is too - I've seen it used a few times now.

 

Very strange having two different accounts - only reason I can think of is somebody telling 'fibs'!

 

The information Lucky posted is on one of 'Rudeger's other posts - it was ReggaeLover who was the original poster of this one.

 

Just shows you there are some very odd people 'out there'!

[Rollercoasterr]

All you need to do is look at the other posts of the particular account. That's all I can say...

[Island Girl]

I'd like to know what 'troll' is too - I've seen it used a few times now.

 

Very strange having two different accounts - only reason I can think of is somebody telling 'fibs'!

 

A troll is someone who creates an account just to post made up problems or posts harassing posts to the people here.

 

"Telling fibs" is exactly it.

 

The best policy is not to feed the trolls. That is - when they posts harassing abusive posts just ignore them.

[Magpies]

All you need to do is look at the other posts of the particular account. That's all I can say...

 

Did you really read them? Cause I did - I found the same 18 year old that's honest with his parents and admits his LDR girlfriend is mistreated at home. Is it really hard that to understand why he'd want to start a different account after coming out with weird sexual fantasies? He said his girlfriend is sickly, not a naive -- it was her Mother that said she was. Let's face it all children want their Mother's thinking that.

 

Give the guy a break. I see an 18-yr old that's honest enough with himself to post here and even too honest to not backtrack and re-posting after realizing he was on his other account.

 

After being crucified, I doubt he'll be back on this account ... but can you blame him? He just wants advice and not have to log-on and defend himself from accusers.

 

ReggaeLover, wherever you are, just take a deep breath and continue sharing details with your family. You both sound very serious for your age and since both parents are involved (whether you like it or not) than try to convince them to have a casual meeting together.

 

I commend you for being close with your parents and although it took her awhile to tell hers, realize exactly how HARD it is to tell your parents just how you two met.

 

Take it easy, if she really is as serious as you seem to be, then there is NO RUSH. Best of luck to both of you!

[Rollercoasterr]

I read them. During the first half of his post it sounds like he's right there with her. The second half he's saying that he's not and hasn't met her yet. His posts make NO sense. I'm not saying there isn't a problem, because there is, but this girl has some problems beyond her lying to him this huge huge lie. She needs help. He may be the one to assist her in getting that help. But really, he doesn't need to be feeding into all that by letting her tell the lie she did, and then him jump right back into the relationship unscathed. That's just going to let her know that it's alright for her to make up lies, because he's always going to be there. And then he condition will steadily worsen.

 

And I'm not just saying this to be saying it. I've seen it happen with my aunt. Her husband kept coming back, and she got worse. Now she's been in mental institutions at least 3 times. They said that her abuse and rape and with no help from her husband has lead to her "going away inside", and reverting to an 11 year old(the age this happened). Not saying this will be her, but still...you have to look at worst case scenario sometimes.