Fianlly! great man, love-but compromises today and in future

[hummingbird]

Oi

brief background..

we are both 46. Both divorced our first long R. After those he ended a 6 yr R and so did I both in the past 2 years ...his because she cheated and mine; well, I found out I was with a true Jekyll/Hyde-a narcissist, liar, cheater total slime --he had everything very secretly hidden (really long story about how it took so long for the truths to be uncovered) but basically the guy gave me herpes and really injured me emotionally ......

move forward...

I finally meet this wonderful man.... we are 2 hours drive apart and have been with each other 6 months. He has 4 kids but none live with him but he is near them to be in very involved in their lives (27-16 age range) Me, my kids; 2 in college one in HS so am still an involeved mom.... I have a job, own my home that I moved to 2 yrs ago..I love where I live/

He rents but owns his own business and travels daily in a 4 state range of about 200 mi per week.

He fell in love with me earlllly on, and I with him soon after (me a little more cautious) and he is truly very very much a man I have wanted in my life in many ways in terms of honesty, respectfulness, goodness....

We are also different in many ways. Even tho my ex SO (we did not live together and is not the father of my kids--) he I thought was a great partner...very compatible in interests, likes, adventures, motivations, incredible sexual partners) he ended up truly being a parasite.

My present guy is not quite so compatible in those ways,.... just slightly.

 

so what is my concern? we see each other on weekends only..... sometimes just for an evening and night and depart next afternoon --not even 24 hrs. I usually drive to him as he is always on the road..... and he always has something to do for with his kids or work....fix the car, tires. work papers, billing, work on the boat, something.......

me, I leave my kid behind, (old enough and very responsible ) and my things to do so we could be together. Yes, he knows I sometimes like I am being scheduled into his life....it has caused some difficult conversations but basically he isn't going to change his life, this is how it goes for him and he often doesn't have his weeeknds planned out...it just happens that way ....

as for intimacy...he was a rare man to not back away from my herpes.... (he said he would be fool to lose me because of that) and so I so appreciate that and his willingness that way.... but as for time with each other ...not much...I am a very very sexual person,.... high libido and so when we are with each other.... I could spend all the time having sex..of course we don't . What doesn't help my sense of desirability is that one... he rarely has oral sex with me.... I always love to pleasure him that way..

I touch him all the time, rub his back, run my fingers thru his hair and he just loves that..... but he isn't as giving on the touching with me ( leaves me thinking my pu$$y is a turn off). In bed, he likes to do something different each time so as not to get boring, but even though I have talked, written and even in a sexy way let him know I love oral, boob/nipple play.... kissing.... those things are far and few between. Sex is nice with him ,it is sometimes earth shaking but overall it is nice sex. (previous SO.... was earth shattering for an hour sometimes 6 times in 2 days----)

So, I wonder is it my body, my parts, my looks..??? he tells me he loves my body and curves but particularly my arse. ... but it still leaves me feeling as tho I must not be that desirable. I mean .... example. we were with each other last eve/today... we had sex last night....no oral .... I kissed him, he touched my boobs a little.... we were in the shower together today... there I was naked with him and he didn't even touch me..(yes, I have initiated often but it is nice to be wanted that way too) he shaved to go do car work for his son instead of grabbing a quicky with me.

 

so far, I do feel I am compromising.... I drive to him ,,etc

I seem to be letting my sexual pleasures go ....I don't know what to do or think.. I would love for my man to love giving oral... loving my body, playing and touching me the way I do him....

I am also very playful on the phone/email and still do that with him but often he only plays along just a little or not at all (doesn't do that much because we are apart) although he masturbates almost daily.

he also doesn't like morning wake up sex ... ugh.... In our little time, I can't seem to figure out how to have sex more than just once in a short time with each other. We went on vacation a while ago and had 4 days with each other and had sex only once a day...but he sure talked about how we would be f**king our brains out while on vacation.. He talks about it sometimes and teases me... like this morning. "lets wake up and have breakfast and then do it" but .... all the other things happened, he shaved and it was time to go ...he had a car/kid agenda.

 

lastly, I have thought about our future...... he has a business he built....

I have busted my buns for years in my career and love my job.. i loooovvveee where I lived...it is a dream place ... it is a nature loves paradise. I don't want to leave here unless I can replicate or have even better than that. I know without asking he would not move here... won't leave his kids that far and move away further from his warehouse and work contracts unless it is in his retirement.

I am soooo stuck..... I meet a wonderful man, he is in many and most ways a wonderful partner..... but my heart hurts to have barely 24 hour visits,

and this for how much longer .his son has 2 more years to graduate HS.

I have thought about ending this..... thinking the compromises are so great. I have thought about losing a wonderful honest man...who I may not find ever again... I have thought about future.... and maybe one day being with each other all the time.... I have thought about not investing my life and heart in this anymore... because it has no guarantee for getting better than this now with out a huge compromise on my or his part.

 

yes, I am sharing just my frustrations,.... but there are many good things about him...he would be there for me, he is a great conversationalist, friend and companion ..... he is responsible, a great dad . genuine..

so there are many positives to this man.... maybe i am being silly and just selfish for feeling the frustrations I have.

 

we are the same age...but i am so much more active than he and even though he is young in heart.... he acts about 5-10 yrs older in some ways... aches and pains , back ache here, stomach ache there....

he loves air conditiong in the summer and I love open windows to hear the brook and the frogs and coyote...

I love to be more active and he loves to sit and watch a movie a couple times a week..(ugh.... so not me)

and yet, we also ... have great conversations, cook together and have fun in travels...I keep hoping he'll hike this summer with me and take the canoe out and not just his boat..

 

sorry... rambled too long.....

are there any objective thoughts, criticisms.. words of wisdom

so would be appreciated.

thanks

[Cherished]

If I were you, I wouldn't go to see him. If he really wants you in his life, he will come to see you, too. Next time he expects or asks you to come over, say "I'm really tired and I'd rather not drive again this weekend. Why don't you come here." See what he does and how one-sided this relationship is.