wierdmunky Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I said I love you to the guy I've been dating for a year and some months, and I just got big hugs and kisses in return. Wow. That's never happened to me before, and I'm not sure what to do because maybe somethings in our relationship could be different, but now that we're a little older (26, 27) I don't know if it's a wait thing or something else. I was thinking about it for weeks if I should say it or not and one day while we were outside saying goodbye I said it. He just held me and responded with reassuring hugs and I asked, well what are you feeling, and he said I just want to be completely honest when I say it, because I've made that mistake before. Okay so I'm fine with that and I'm supportive but now I'm not so sure.
Queen of Hearts Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Wow.... He doesn't know in over a year? That's... odd to me. I don't know what to say. Personally, I would do one of two things: 1. Take a break and give him time without you to see how he feels. Go NC. I am not sure what your motive in dating is, but I am pretty sure it is to find a man to settle in with and have kids. If he is not on the same page, no need wasting time. 2. If you are not wanting to settle in and have kids, then I would begin to remove myself emotionally from the situation and just look to him to be a Maintenance Man (friend w/ benefits). Never bring up the conversation. Only speak about it if he brings it up. Never tell him you love him again, unless he does first and you feel that you do, too. There really is no need to be exclusive with someone who is unsure of their feelings for you. That sounds to wishy-washy to me after +1 year.
Author wierdmunky Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 Wow.... He doesn't know in over a year? That's... odd to me. I don't know what to say. Personally, I would do one of two things: 1. Take a break and give him time without you to see how he feels. Go NC. I am not sure what your motive in dating is, but I am pretty sure it is to find a man to settle in with and have kids. If he is not on the same page, no need wasting time. 2. If you are not wanting to settle in and have kids, then I would begin to remove myself emotionally from the situation and just look to him to be a Maintenance Man (friend w/ benefits). Never bring up the conversation. Only speak about it if he brings it up. Never tell him you love him again, unless he does first and you feel that you do, too. There really is no need to be exclusive with someone who is unsure of their feelings for you. That sounds to wishy-washy to me after +1 year. Yeah my thoughts exactly :/ and if we take a break that would be like going 2-3 weeks seeing how we see each other once a week because of our busy schedules. He also came out of a crappy relationship which was his only serious one, so I feel like I should cut him some slack, but what does that mean? I know he is not hung up on that particular gf, but I still hear complaints about her and I feel he hasn't moved on completely. I do want to settle and have kids, but not for a few years. He is so descent though. I really don't want to leave him.
Queen of Hearts Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah my thoughts exactly :/ and if we take a break that would be like going 2-3 weeks seeing how we see each other once a week because of our busy schedules. He also came out of a crappy relationship which was his only serious one, so I feel like I should cut him some slack, but what does that mean? I know he is not hung up on that particular gf, but I still hear complaints about her and I feel he hasn't moved on completely. I do want to settle and have kids, but not for a few years. He is so descent though. I really don't want to leave him. Cut him slack? Really? It has been at least a year plus since he has been with that girl, right? And he is STILL complaining about her, to YOU? Red flag. He is hung-up on her if he can't stop talking about her. Even if it is complaining, she is still in his mind, and maybe in his heart. And, just because he is decent, doesn't mean he is the one for you. Don't settle out of comfort. Demand what you deserve, and that is someone who is willing to give you what you are willing to give them. If he is not willing to give you his love, or not able to, don't stick around and wait to see what happens.
Author wierdmunky Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 well when I say slack, I mean because maybe if she was the only other serious girlfriend, maybe she is the only comparison. To how things are better now. It's annoying to hear it though, and it's not a lot I can count like 5 times, but it's like she is old news why is he even thinking there. But you are right about the settling part, I just want it from him! How long am I going to wait for it too. My best friend has said I love you first and waited for him to say it, but I doubt it was this long.
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