Women, it's common to let a guy agonize for a while when you will take him back, righ

[lonelypiscesguy]

My ex and I have talked a little and she has called me sweetheart on both occasions. As much of a jerk as I have been (and I freely admitted it here), I believe she still loves me for my good qualities, and hard as it may be to believe (Queen of Hearts), I do have some. I have thought long and hard about what she was trying to tell me throughout our relationship, and I want to give her the adoration and the courtship she desires and deserves, even with the difficulty of being LDR. It isn't a possessive thing when I say this (one of the things she likes about me, I don't do "Where were you? Who did you talk to?"), but she is fragile, she was in high school, and her last relationship (not a BF), the guy was a verbally abusive jerk to her, and didn't pay child-support and even admit to slapping a GF once! I worry about her and the jerks that are out there lurking on vulnerable women like her. If I can't get her back, I really would want her to be with a nice guy that will be good to her. Anyway, could she just be punishing me for a while? She said she misses me as well, and that she doesn't mind us talking, but I have tried to give her time and space (torture!). TY all, as always!

[Queen of Hearts]

L.P. Guy, please don't ever think that I am assuming you have no good qualities. The fact that you are on a relationship-help type of forum indicates that you are willing to learn and grow as a person. Not only that, you are aware of your flaws, and openly admit them. That is better than most.

 

Personally, I am not a game player when it comes to matters of the heart.

I don't get making anyone agonize over anything. I just can't operate that way. So, I am unable to say what her motives are.

 

I am sure, though.... that giving her time is not a bad thing. It will show her respect and that you have some self-control.

 

Again, L.P. Guy... Good luck.

[lonelypiscesguy]

Thank you very much, QoH. Your opinion and the opinion of everybody here matters, because I believe that, from reading what people post here, that this is a caring community of people that are broken-hearted, confused, etc. while the jerks of the world, men and women, are glibly continuing their jerk-off ways. My ex really is a very sweet woman, and I have put her through quite too much, but I never meant to hurt her, I swear! The fact is I haven't dated for several years and I never really dated at all because I'm shy, and too picky for my own good. My intentions with this woman are nothing but good, and I KNOW she knows this. And I didn't mena to put myself on a cross in saying that I have overlooked a little to be with her, but sometimes I think she forgets that she said I was sweet for looking past her past and I would NEVER tell her this, I'm a (sometimes) thoughtless jerk, but I'm not cruel. Neither one of us is the game playing type, but it did hurt and confuse me, last time I saw her, and I was an ass. Anyway, I'm rambling again, TY again, QoH.

[Jay34]

i believed i did so many things wrong when my relationship almost ended the first time, i thought i did so many things wrongs so i tried to fix them, be more caring, do the the things i hadn't done and it seemed to have the opposite affect at that time, the bottom line is even when i was screwing up, i was doing a lot for her, i always treated her well and though i made mistakes, i think she just wanted an excuse to end it, if it is a LDR, it is doubtful you will recouncile, just move on, i tried so hard and ended up with nothing, she will want your attention when you don't talk to her but that is all it is, remember she broke up with you, if you break up with someone you damage that relationship.

 

the best thing you can do is not talk to her, act like she doesn't exist, i know it is hard, but you have to do it, even if she does come back you want to be happy.

[lonelypiscesguy]

I know everybody is right when they say NC. We talked last (yes, I broke down and called her) and she is still sweet, I haven't said 'let's do it over', or anything of the sort. In fact, I apologized for calling, said I shouldn't have and I will leave her alone after this. And I will. She said she still gets mad at me when she thinks of the things I've done. I know the best thing I can do is simply start the healing. Thank you all.