burnwithme Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I know that second chances are DEFINITELY possible. My now ex broke up with me and got back together with me last year (I believe I explained in another post)... But i'm wondering... and I'm REALLY clinging on to..... If there are third chances??? This is our second break up, she said she doesn't love me anymore, etc etc... I'm out here 5-6 hours from her, and the long distance thing is hard, but.. is it most likely that she truly doesn't care anymore? How can someone be in a relationship for 2 years and then just NOT care suddenly during and right after a breakup... Last question... our anniversary date is the 5th of may, but usually every month we recognise it.. tomorrow will be the first 5th that we have been broken up, so..... should I mention is, since it's a very important date to her/us, or should I stick to the no contact rule? It's a tough decision! and I'm dieing not having heard from her since something like 9 pm last night. ugh!!!!!!!!
Author burnwithme Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 No one? No one has any ideas, or no one has any advice, or any tricks, or has an experience relating?
playlislay Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Ok, I'll give it a bash! NC..........hmmmmmm. Ive always been a wee bit dubious with this. Im not sure if it 'works' for the reasons that you want it to. I definately wouldnt hassle her at all, that definately pushes them away. I tried to find your sory from before but couldnt see it. Could you post the link onto here please? As for the '5th; thing. I wouldnt say anything, let her sit around and ponder over your special date. )
samsungxoxo Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I don't know as to why would someone not care all of the sudden but keep it NC, It will do no good trying to contact her. It's sad that people break up. One minute everything is good and right the next it isn't anymore, but it happens. You just have to deal with it in the proper way, but not contacting them nor acting like you care because afterall it's their loss. You done nothing wrong.
Author burnwithme Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 I see, thanks for your replies. I love getting any advice i can http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184935/ This is mostly whats going on. Things have calmed a bit now. I came out of my depression, mostly, and since, it seems she is trying to contact me a lot more now. The less i care, and the less i try to get ahold of her, the more she is trying to get ahold of me. I think thats a good sign, yes? Basically what happened, is we went no contact for about 26 hours the other day... I sent her a text at around 930 pm that night, she didn't say anything, so i turned off my phone around 1030, didn't turn it back on til 230 pm the next day, nothing. nothing all day, til she finally texted me. i didn't reply. 15 minutes later, she called me. i didn't answer. she texted me again, i returned with a simple "hi". she said "never mind." followed shortly by "i had a question then remembered" I didn't say anything. an hour or so later she texts me "so what are you doing." (this was last night) i didn't say anything. Then at 430 am or so, she just kept calling me and calling me until i answered. We had an alright conversation... she was in a bad mood. It was an ok talk i guess. Basically that i was the only friend she could count on and all this. I got her from a really bad mood to a decent one.... Then she texted me a huge paragraph about a book this morning.. didn't reply for 3 or 4 hours, sent a short reply, she answered, waited half hour or so and sent a reply. She answered shortly, then sent another text about how work was slow. i have not responded. she's been getting back to me ASAP, which is very unlike her. What should i do? should i keep replying to her, or should i just get distant? after all, she did ask for space, so if she asks why i'm not getting back to her, I'll tell her that.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 How about going complete NC on her? She's manipulating you like a chess piece, and you have absolutely no idea how to play the game. Not that I'm calling your relationship a game, but you're basically following and anticipating her moves and wants over what it is that you really want to do. If other LS veterans were to read this, they would tell you to stop contacting her and just move on. Because it's only reasonable if she asks for space, you might as well do the same for yourself.
Art_Critic Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Third chances? ........ When it's broken, it's broken..
CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 ........ When it's broken, it's broken.. LOL! Agree completely, Art (as usual!)
Soul Bear Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sorry, but i believe as many chances are you are willing to give each other are possible. 3,4,5,6,7....who cares how many. If you love someone, i believe that you should fight for that love. If you have been with someone for that long, you are obviously doing something right. Just my opinion. I have noticed that as great as this site is, and all the abundance of wealthy information that is available, there are alot of people here who im sure for your best interests, tell you to forget it, and just let it go, when it may have been entirely possible that the next chance you get/had will/would have been the one that brings you new found love and respect for each other. Thats what i believe, and thats what I am hopeing for in my sittuation too. Follow your heart, let your head come second, and other peoples advice come third. Sorry if i have offended anyone
Chinook Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 ........ When it's broken, it's broken..Yup, that pretty much covers it. Once you get into that cycle of 'giving each other another chance', what you're actually doing is stringing each other along because you're afraid to be alone. It doesn't work, it won't work and you won't make it work no matter how much you 'try' at it. Once it's broken, it's not for fixing... and it's best to cut to the chase and move on. Painful as that is, it's the only way forward.
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sorry if i have offended anyone You haven't offended anyone.. there isn't anything wrong with having the outlook that many chances are possible.. Just curious.. have you ever been with someone after 7 chances or breakups ?
Chinook Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sorry, but i believe as many chances are you are willing to give each other are possible. 3,4,5,6,7....who cares how many. If you love someone, i believe that you should fight for that love. If you have been with someone for that long, you are obviously doing something right. Just my opinion. I have noticed that as great as this site is, and all the abundance of wealthy information that is available, there are alot of people here who im sure for your best interests, tell you to forget it, and just let it go, when it may have been entirely possible that the next chance you get/had will/would have been the one that brings you new found love and respect for each other. Thats what i believe, and thats what I am hopeing for in my sittuation too. Follow your heart, let your head come second, and other peoples advice come third. Sorry if i have offended anyoneYou've not offended anyone I wouldn't think. But the reason you see so many responses saying the same thing, is because a lot of us have been here some time and we've seen second, third, fourth and fifth chances for some posters and more often than not, it always ends in the same result. The ONLY time a decent chance changes things is when there has been a significant period of 'no contact' and both parties have grown up and learned from their experiences. Instead what happens is both parties move on. Occasionally, this works... but not very often. The cycle of contact, no contact, contact, restarting relationship, breakup etc that the OP is talking about, generally doesn't tend to work that well. But I'm pretty sure, I'm not the only regular poster here who would absolutely LOVE to be proved wrong.
PinkRibbon Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sorry, but i believe as many chances are you are willing to give each other are possible. 3,4,5,6,7....who cares how many. If you love someone, i believe that you should fight for that love. If you have been with someone for that long, you are obviously doing something right. Just my opinion. I have noticed that as great as this site is, and all the abundance of wealthy information that is available, there are alot of people here who im sure for your best interests, tell you to forget it, and just let it go, when it may have been entirely possible that the next chance you get/had will/would have been the one that brings you new found love and respect for each other. Thats what i believe, and thats what I am hopeing for in my sittuation too. Follow your heart, let your head come second, and other peoples advice come third. Sorry if i have offended anyone I am with you. I wish I would get a second chance but I do believe you get as many chances as the other person is willing to give.
scootncash Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I am with you. I wish I would get a second chance but I do believe you get as many chances as the other person is willing to give. Second Chances are successful and some couples not just one person but both, have done the necessary work. Love will not complete or sustain a relationship alone. Love conquers all! I love that quote but it can be so misleading in the wrong hands. 3,4,5,6....chances are not a successful relationship. Its going back to the same relationship with new fireworks but after the newness fades the same old relationship with the same old problems with the same two people are left. If you not willing to look at the relationship with an objective view, and not an emotional view, and then look at yourself and work through what you each bring wrong into the realtionship then you just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. When it gets to that point it isnt love, its the idea of love, unhealthy boundries, an inability to realize only you can make you happy. If you really want to get back together then you have to realize you cant ever ever go back to the old relationship, it wasnt working then and it certainly wont work now. You have to enter it with a lot of hard work, self realization, and dedication knowing that the fruits of your labor will have actually paid off by bringing a better, healthier, loving, relationship to the table. The problem with that is most people cant do the work, dont want to do the work, or worse refuse to do the work because they dont see anything wrong with themselves. Breakups are not the problem, they're the symptom. The symptom of something causing the relationship not to work. I previously had given someone the following information concerning getting back together. First I suggest getting the book "Getting Back Together" by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz. It has a incredible amount of information about breakups, why they happen, and how to handle them. Plus factors to help you, your partner, and deciding when and where and if a reconciliation should or could or can take place. Its definitely healthy reading. I learned a tremendous amount about myself from my therapist after a really bad breakup from a boyfriend of 8 years. Im not back with him based on my decision, my changes, and his ability to keep being the wonderful liar and cheat that he still is. My therapist gave me a huge list of books to read and this was one of the greats! Here is an example from the book: Key Ingredients of a Successful Separation and Reconciliation: 1. Take care of yourself 2. Get to know yourself 3. Work on Strengthening your own identity 4. If you and your partner are still speaking, agree on ground rules that will govern your actions during your time apart 5. Think through and create a strategy for recreating a healthy and loving relationship with your partner. 6. Prepare for those times when you seem to be unable to go forward. 7. Build a support system of people who root for you and your well being 8. Communication and trust are the keys to intimacy. Learn the art of how to listen and talk without judgement and with an open heart 9. Commit to resolving old habits and destructive behaviors that damage your relationship and learn what is needed to make it flourish 10. Think of reconciliation as the start of a new relationship. 11. Commit to sustaining your new relationship. Of course it goes more, way more in depth about these items and a whole lot more. I guess in all what Im saying is a lot of personal growth needs to take place during a breakup but it has to be both of you not just one to get a real second chance.
vessv6l Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Sorry, but i believe as many chances are you are willing to give each other are possible. 3,4,5,6,7....who cares how many. If you love someone, i believe that you should fight for that love. If you have been with someone for that long, you are obviously doing something right. Just my opinion. I have noticed that as great as this site is, and all the abundance of wealthy information that is available, there are alot of people here who im sure for your best interests, tell you to forget it, and just let it go, when it may have been entirely possible that the next chance you get/had will/would have been the one that brings you new found love and respect for each other. Thats what i believe, and thats what I am hopeing for in my sittuation too. Follow your heart, let your head come second, and other peoples advice come third. Sorry if i have offended anyone Im friends with a couple that had 2 sperarations during their relationship. The first was for 4 weeks the second time for 8 months. The second split my mate went NC after she told him that she wanted space. She didnt leave for someone else but did try another relationship after a few months of being single. Eventually she had to move to a remote location for her work. During their time apart the girl realised how much she missed my mate, loved him and wanted to be with him. She told me she didnt think she would get to be with him again or even if she deserved to be with him again after they way she had treated him. But out of the blue she sent him a text message and they began contact again, worked out their differences and got back together. He was living in the city at the time and she was living 300ks north in a small town being a teacher. After 2 weeks of being back together he went to live with her. That was over 2 years ago now and they are a great couple, married with a child due. What i gleam from this story is that there are no set rules for second/third chances. A relationship works if the people in it want it to work, and work hard to achieve that. Sometimes people need to lose what they have to be able to appreciate what they had. I think the maturity of the people involved determine if a second chance will work. Losing someone you love can lead to growth and a more mature outlook on love and relationships for both parties. I say dont give up hope of finding someone you love and want to spend your life with, it may be your ex, it may be someone new but whoever it will be wont matter when you find them
Recommended Posts