Can there ever be another like her??

[Dreaming69]

Well around a month ago I broke up with my ex of approx 1 year, and its been a living hell everyday since!. I have completely fallen apart and don't feel like I'm going to get over her. Ive never loved anyone so unconditionally like this before. I completely adored her, it was the best sex i've ever had, we we're so compatible on every level, and I felt I was going to be with her the rest of my life. She was the whole package to me.

 

The thing is I'm now 39 and after 20 years of dating, I feel like no one else will come along that will ever compare to her. I can't even look at another woman now, and feel I will never have that feeling of love I had for her ever again. Its all so depressing!.. I've even resorted to thoughts of suicide, very irrational I know, but life now doesn't feel like its worth living.

I know I will probably get over all this pain eventually, but then I will be an empty shell of my former self.

 

Has anyone else had these feelings?, when the love of their life leaves, they could never be replaced?? and no future gf/bf will ever live up to expectation?.. im just going crazy..

[Thomas X Forever]

YOU broke up with HER you say? Why did you guys break up?

 

And yes, of course you can find another girl like her. But you don't WANT to. Because THAT girl and you weren't compatible, right?

 

So instead of looking for another girl like her, do yourself a favor and find someone better.

[Aerorobyn]

Well why did you break up with her? If you love her that much, and still want to be with her, why not man up a bit? Go to her house, on your hands and knees, and beg for forgiveness. You love her and want her, so it's worth a shot, right?

 

But yeah, right after my ex and I broke up I had those thoughts that I didn't want to live anymore, that no other man could compare, yada yada. But he dumped me, so I'll get on with my life, have fun, and find what's right for me; he can contact me if he has any apologies or a possible reconciliation.

 

Since you're the dumper...you can either get over it and move on in life, or you can try to get your true love back. I wouldn't really expect her to come running back to you though, especially since its been a month and she's probably thinking the same thing that I am about my ex.

[Dreaming69]

Sorry I should of clarified that, she actually broke up with me, all of a sudden out of the blue she started going cold and distant from me for no particular reason and eventually told me it just wasn't there for her anymore. My gut feeling was another guy must of been on the scene, but of course she wouldnt admit that. Which makes it all the harder, the thought of her with someone else tears you up inside. Trying to talk about it just turned into arguments. Once I felt her pull away I just got out and have gone complete NC.

[burnwithme]

Ah, man... I'm quite a few years younger than you, but i feel the exact same about my very recent breakup... I can't see any other girls as attractive... I loved her unconditionally, and I just can NOT see myself without her in the future...

 

Sorry you have to feel this way... But there are others of us out there, so at least there's comfort in knowing that.

[Dreaming69]

burnwithme, yeah its just debilitating. I know people always say theres more fish in the sea, but someone like this just doesnt come along everyday. As I mentioned I've been dating / in and out of relationships for 20 years, and with none of them I had the connection I had with this woman. The intensity was incredible and I also loved her unconditionally. For me to have another relationship I feel like now im going to have to settle for second best.. man, it just sucks ass !..

[burnwithme]

I agree. I hear you... Hell, EVERY. SINGLE. ASPECT of my life has been influenced by her. There's a movie on tv... It's a great movie, but I have only seen it... with her.

 

I love listening to my music....... that SHE got me into.

 

I love being in my room.... that SHE decorated.

 

Taking a shower is nice.... but HER razors are in there, and before HER, i hadn't used liquid soap. Not much, but it makes a difference.

 

My life is seriously like a crumbling cookie. it's aweful, and I'm sure you feel very similar...

 

I had a bunch of cards that she gave me up on my walls... Stuff that said "'us' is the only thing i can count on." and "I hope we're going to be together for a very, very long time." and that kinda stuff. it's so painful.. I know her better than anyone else does, and she, me.

 

 

It's terrible. Not to mention that fact that I'm a 5-6 hour drive from her, and I have no social life or anything going for me, but because of college, i'm STUCK out here until may... another 5 weeks or something! I'm dieing!

[Dreaming69]

Yes definately sounds like youre in the same place as me burnwithme, I feel for you mate. Ive never been so gutterered in all my life over a relationship breakdown. Ive always been able to get over previous relationships completely, but I feel like i'll never recover from this, and the emptiness will always be there with me.

 

I'm completely at my wits end. God only knows how people get over this sort of loss. It just sux knowing she has already moved on, possibly with someone else right now, not giving me another thought, and giving him everything that she used to give me, while and im a prisoner in my own mind over her.. its completely insane!!.. Ive actually resorted to taking Valium just to calm myself dowm, This is just complete hell.. Anyway thanks for listening, helps to get it out of yr system !

[Ilovehim]

wow i completely understand what you mean. it is the worst. the exact same thing happened with my ex. i felt so shattered when he left me and somehow it got better but its still bad. i still love him and miss him. i dont know what advice to give but i know exactly what your feeling because i was such a broken disaster when my ex left, i lost 20 lbs and would cry every day. it was so intense. words cant even describe it.

[dudemag]

yeah man, its been over 3 months since my love left me for someone else. im constantly reminded by her in everything i do, everything i eat, every song i listen to. everything. most days i just want to sleep all day and not get out of bed. i just cant understand how she could have done this to me.. completely floor me like this. how can anyone be so despicable?

[Gibgobgib]

Well.......I hear what you are saying and I completely understand where you are coming from. Not from where I am at now, but where I was.

 

I have been in a position where I loved a person and we broke up....it hurts like hell. You feel as though your never meet anyone like it again.....trust me you have plenty of time.

 

I have meet so many people that I have thought are the one, but you know what. Every one of them had a unique touch to them. I would find that I loved these qualities.

 

I am just going through a divorce as I thought I was with the one I loved....apparently I am not.

 

There are so many people out there and you can't just look for it. It will happen....I mean that.

 

If you try and look for the love of your life you will be dissapointed. Enjoy your free time with friends and try to forget...easier said than done, I know.

 

Time is a great healer.....don't look for it....let it happen.....to an extent of course ;]

[sparklemama]

I know exactly how you feel my boyfriend broke up with my three days ago after 7 years.What makes things even worse is i have a daughter with him so its like i can't even pull away and do full NC.It was pretty much the same situation as yourself pretty distant for a while but then i found some text messages from other girls and was devastated i confronted him and asked him where does he see this going?He told me he just doesn't feel for me the way he use to and that he is not in love with me anymore.I have been doing a lot of sleeping,Crying and feelings of wanting to just leave everything behind and go far away.I feel like a crazy person as earlier i called him numerous times only to keep hearing his voicemail as he didn't answer any of my calls.Its hard to hear his daughter saying where is daddy or talk about him.I also start to feel like what is wrong with me?why am i not good enough.Am i not pretty enough?Will i ever find anyone that i love as much as i do him?Even though my mind knows that he is wrong and i should leave its like my heart has a mind of its own.I know you can probably relate to some of these feelings .

I know i may not be able to be the best person to give you advice right now but all i can say is if it is meant to be it will and if not then trying to get back with her won't do anything it will make things worse.Give each other the space that both of you need.You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is into it as much as you are and loves you as much.It doesnt look like things will feel better than they do now but they will you just have to let yourself grieve and go through the pain to get through the other side.It really does feel like a piece of yourself is gone when that person leaves so its natural to feel the way you do right now.Wish you the best!

[huck]

i feel for ya dreaming.

 

Just came out of a year long relationship exactly the same time as you.

 

She dumped me and I later found out she cheated on me.. I thought I was over her but I literally broke down this morning. Crying - the whole lot.

 

Im casually seeing someone else at the moment but I just find myself comparing her to my ex in every little detail..

 

I live in quite a small city and everywhere I go reminds me of her - the pubs and bars we used to go in...

 

As everyone says - time heals - but i had the perfect girl in my eyes and im not sure ill find anyone like her again...

[Tryng2Trust08]

To answer your question....no, there won't be another woman like her, only another woman that is better than her. She broke your heart and broke up with you. I know you have been dating for a long time, but you need to still have some hope, you will find somebody better, trust me.

[sunshinegirl]

I'd strongly encourage you to start reflecting on the things that weren't awesome. Because even if she was the best GF you've ever had, I guarantee that your relationship wasn't sunshine and flowers at every single moment. (If it was, I would challenge how deep your relationship actually went.)

 

The thing that has helped me move on from breakups the most is finding a way to stop seeing that person through rose-colored glasses. They weren't perfect, and the longer I kept them in a "one-up" position compared to me, of course I was never going to move on.

 

What I can say now, after four breakups of significant relationships, is that there is not a single ex that I would say was "the one that got away".

 

And in three of the four breakups, right after the breakup, I was convinced that they were and that I would never love again.

[Dreaming69]

Thanks Sunshine girl, they are encouraging words. Thats exactly how I am feeling. I too have never come out the other side of a relationship thinking 'that was the one that got away', but this time, I dunno, its feeling a bit like that.. At this stage I honestly feel I could never let myself love another woman like that again.. I just hope in six months I'll wonder what all the fuss was about, but boy the road is going to be long and bumpy.!.

 

And yes that whole thing where we see them through rose coloured glasses sux as well, especially when you know they have moved on.. Nothing knocks your confidence around more than this.

 

I do try and focus on the things that werent so good, but unfortunately they keep getting outweighed by the good things.

 

I guess at the moment its all still too fresh in my mind. I wish things would just fade a bit!

 

Thanks everyone for the advice, it certainly does help knowing other people go through exactly the same emotions as you do and your not the only one going crazy!

[sexyboy_69_69]

Ive read a few of these posts and i cna relate it them. My ex left me 2 months ago and her excuse was that she was starting a new job, was losing her friends, i never gave her space and she said we needed space and tiem apart. However, before she said this, she stopped calling, answering my calls and sending me texts all of a sudden. I was shocked and depressed for several days. I bought her $100 flowers delivered to her work tryign to arouse her but all she said was thanks and ignored me again, cancelled my valetines reservations for dinner and everything. I was depressed, couldnt sleep or eat so i decided to go to florida to see my sister for spring break and that helped me slightly until i got back and started thinking of her again liek crazy. Out of the 100 dreams i had, she was in 50 of them. It took me until now, so 2 months to finally start getting over her I believed i would never find anyone like her again because she seemed liek the one, perfect for me and i loved he more than she could ever have love me. Best thing to do is stop contacting her and let her realize life without you. I sent her a few messages right after a breakup and left it at that. But when i found out she was doing sexual things with her ex right after she left me, i got pissed off and mad at her and deleted her from facebook msn ... and told her to never contact me again and to pretend i dont exist anymore. She did contact me, pretending that she left something at my place but i ignored her twice already and it feels good. My suggestion is move on and pretend you dont care and that you are better than her and can live happily without her; she will realize that and i guarantee you she will try to message you if you leave her alone and give her space and pretend that she lost you forever and will not get a second chance. Meanwhile, get in shape, go to school or something, play sports and make yourself feel good and eventually you will feel good like i do now, Im over her but my stomach gets weird still when i see her but thats fine, it will take more time. Anyways hope this helps, and if u got any other questions, just ask, i have been researchign this stuff for a while and i got advice from a therapist already. Although my reply seems a little messy, im typing fast and sloppy. Feel free to ask anything

[Ruby Slippers]

You're in the sucky part right now, and most of us go through this. I am JUST starting to really open my eyes and mind, six months after I broke up with my ex, and see him as he really was, good and bad. It was very painful and difficult when things ended, but now I know he wasn't the right guy for me, and I'm glad I ended it before I invested too much more of my time and energy.

 

Keep an open heart and mind, and be positive, and you will find love again.

[Dreaming69]

Well yesterday I did what I shouldn't of and looked at her facebook profile, only to find pics of her with her new man.. yes my own stupid fault for looking.. Well now I feel Ive just taken 2 steps backwards.. Needless to say Ive now deleted her as a friend. But It's so incredibly painful seeing the one you love in the arms of another man!!.. I'm having such a hard time coping with the grief of all this!.. I know I need to be positive, get my **** together etc etc, but I feel like the life force has been sucked out of me and Im on a downward spiral... ive lost the motivation to exercise and my appetite has reduced.. I just feel like I'll never come out of it!.. i know only time can heal, but it feels like time has stopped for me and im stuck in a permanent place of pain!!.. she has so much power over me right now, its insane!

[Ruby Slippers]

Time is a great healer. Hang in there. Try to go out and do things. It helps get you out of that funk. Six months from now, you will feel WAY better. Just hang in there.

[copaisking]

Dreaming... you are not alone brother.

 

I'm going through the exact same thing. I've been married before, which I was 100% committed but she cheated on me, so we split. That hurt, a lot.

 

Its been 3 1/2 years since that happened, then in October I met my current heart ache She broke up with me 3 weeks ago, completely out of the blue (the full story is on the thread that I started titled... she's just me... it's worth a read). Literally, one day everything was perfect (in my mind) then she just wanted a week off (there's no such thing as space, thats just the green mile). The week after, she finished via text, saying that she has been depressed for a month.

 

Now... i'm not blowing my own trumpet or anything, but I absolutely treated this girl like a princess, an angel etc. I did everything I could to make her happy, literally, everything I could. I'm not perfect and certain things I did irritated her, but thats the way people are. Apparently she said she was fed up with our routine... we got up, we worked out, she went to work... repeat. I used to encourage her to go out with her friends but she would make plans then just come over. I'm not possessive at all... then she says she isn't ready for something serious... this is the same girl who was throwing wedding magazines at me.

 

It's been three weeks, the first week was the worst for me, I really wanted to kill myself, the only reason I didn't was that I couldn't do that to my mum, dad and brother (they still live in the UK) but things got so bad my parents flew out to make sure I didn't do anything stupid ( I have no history at all of suicidal thoughts). My mum is actually still here, dad had to go back to work. I'm 32, I feel about 10. The second week was much the same, I brought all the ebooks on getting over your ex and moving on etc, the mp3's, all of which are great and make absolute sense, if I was in an 'absolute sense' frame of mind.

 

She kept in touch, even though I asked her not to, sending me pointless text messages, then getting irate when I would ignore her (for my own self preservation, not immaturity... plus, why should I be her emotional tampon?). She came over a week last Friday to give me my keys and my garage clicker, when she told me how well she's doing, how much more productive she's been, she's lost weight, looks great... basically making me feel like absolute crap. She then went on to say that she didn't feel bad about anything because she's just being honest etc etc. The texts started again so I sent her an email explaining why I had to cease all contact with her, and that obviously I still had feelings for her, and i'm not that guy who can be her friend... because i'm not. She decided to ignore that completely until last Friday until I got a barrel of abuse via email and text stating that its disgusting that I have these girls all over me on my myspace for her to see (these girls btw... I have no interest in, I have no interest in anyone on this planet other than her... but I can't tell her that...) and that if I don't respond then she will carry on living questioning whether she ever really knew the real me.

 

I responded today with:

Nicole

 

I got your text and email, but i've been really busy.

 

In the last few days I have realized that you were right about everything, it's weird and I don't know why, but exciting things are happening to me one after the other. I respect your decision with the breakup.

 

David

 

This was actually my attempt to get her back, make it seem like i'm not bothered, make it seem like i've moved on... but 10 minutes later I got this:

 

"Its interesting how you didn't respond to anything I wrote basically but whatever. Ill probably never speak to or see you again, which is ****ing weird but that's obviously how it has to be according to you. Good luck"

 

So it looks like i've royally screwed myself there doesn't it?

 

Listen, Dreaming69, I didn't write all that to make it about me, I wrote it to let you know that you are not alone in your pain. I genuinely thought that I was going to marry this girl and live forever with her and I in happiness. Now thats all turned sour, and I have to move on, in the city of Los Angeles of all places, where there are a million pretty apples, but the large majority have rotten cores... I had one of the good ones, but again, as with the three girls i've really loved in my life, its not the right timing.

 

If she was your soul mate, and if the girl i'm talking about was mine... why would life play such a nasty trick on us? It wouldn't. Focus on the bad, there was some, trust me, mine was a nag (in a good way) but that was about it, so I focus on that, and the fact that her family were a bit weird and I would have had to marry into that

 

Stay strong, stay off the valium, those drugs (xanax included) are just blockers... they block your anxiety without you dealing with it directly... I wish I could take my own advice, i've been taking xanax daily for 5 days now... and to be honest, it doesn't help, it just 'mongs' me out so that I seem that I don't care, but really i'm thinking about her in my zoned out state, and that's not healthy at all.

 

The fact is, that you're a good looking guy, this girl was attracted to you in the first place, and more girls will be attracted to you in the future. Who in the hell is she to dump you? Go out, and make sure that you make yourself your VERY BEST SELF. There is someone out there who will appreciate what you have to offer (again David, take your own damned advice!).

 

You my friend, are not alone.

[Dreaming69]

Ok, so its been nearly 2 months now, and this woman will not leave my head! .. she's literally in my there 24 x 7. Yes it is getting easier, and sometimes I am now actually at the point where I feel like I'm starting to get over her, and then BAMM!!.. I'll have a flashback, or I'll think of her with the new guy!.. and I'm back to square one all over again. This **** just does your head in!.. Godammit I'd give anything now to fast forward to that point where you truly know you are over them and they won't rule your thoughts!.. I have her image permanently imprinted in my mind.. pisses me off!.. Ive kept up the NC, don't look a photos, stayed off the facebook crap... I feel haunted by her.. . i honestly thought I'd be further into the healing process that I am by now... And all that stuff about hooking up with other girls to help get over them is rubbish. Ive tried that, doesnt mean **** if you really loved someone!.... anyway just having a vent people ...

[Ruby Slippers]

Dreaming, it's been more than 7 months for me, and I still think about him at some point every day. I'm mostly over it now, but when you really love someone, that's powerful. It takes time to fade. The best thing you can do is get busy doing things you enjoy, to try to focus your mind on other things. Slowly but surely, you will spend less and less time thinking about her.

[playlislay]

Hun,

 

I know exactly where you are coming from-believe me!!!!!

Its been 4 months (wow ( ) and for the first time ever I have suffered from depression. I avoid places/music/tv add etc that WE shared. Infact, I refuse to go to or take any new man to a big woodland where we created many good, bad, sexually, and sad memories. I feel like its disrespecting him and us. That was 'our' place. We feel in love there, made love there, had deep conversations there, hell, we even planned on getting married there! Gr! God, off the subject, sorry..........

 

Its nice to know that people out there have the same strong feelings of love, but we have to be realistic. Now dont get me wrong, I think the world of my ex and I class him as 'the one', but I have spoken to soooooo many people who have had like 5 relationships and each one they thought was 'the one'.

I think it all depends on the intensity of the relationship and the love. My last relationship was intense and the love was strong, but obviously not strong enough to keep us together. I still love him to bloody pieces, Ive never felt like this before and everyone that has known me for many-a-years have never seen someone have such a hold over me.

 

It will be fine one day, it could take a while, but IT WILL BE FINE!

Chin up xx

[scootncash]

I recently joined this group and its been wonderful. I see so many stories and so much sadness and pain and an awful lot of it I can relate to. Its seems all of us contribute something to someone all the time in this blog. It gives hope and evidence that we are not the only one who has ever felt this pain called a breakup. We all have at one time or another and this blog is proof in itself that people get through these disasters, some people heal, some people dont. But, we live to see the next sunrise, hear a childs laughter, cry a tear, smell a puppy's breath, and we live. We live because we are supposed to.

 

No where did it say we could go through life without life lessons. Life lessons are the very things that mold us, that teach us to grow, and shape our characters. People come into and out of our lives for reasons. They are each there to teach us about life in one way or another. Some people come for a season or two and some for a lifetime. Its up to us to figure out which is which and life lessons help us do that.

 

The trick is learning that life lesson and using it in our next relationship whether it be with an ex or someone new. We are a product of our choices and we choose to be in the relationship we are in regardless to whether its a good or bad one. Broken hearts happen everyday, some expected, some out of the blue. Take any given page or any given comment here and you can see it. But also look at the good here. People hurt us and we hurt others but we are also healers. Imagine a place like this where total strangers lend a kind ear or experienced advice. What better gift could we recieve to help us through one of the most horrendous times in our lives?

 

The thing is you cant control what an ex does, you cannot, repeat, cannot make someone love you or come back to you. It is afterall their choice, their life, their decision. All you can do is work on you, practice happiness, and live your life.

 

Its sad sometimes that people cannot work through it or dont have enough confidence in themselves to make it through. My daughter recently had a friend at high school, wonderful young man with such a bright future, commit suicide because he loved his ex girlfriend so much that he didnt know how to work through the pain. I cannot for the life of me understand why it couldnt be prevented. This young man is gone and he will never ever know that there was life after breakup, that the pain can be healed and that life has so much to offer even at the very moment you would be willing to extinguish it. I watch his family and friends suffer at his death, the very idea that his voice will never be heard, and his smile will never be seen again. Perhaps had he been lucky enough to find this blog he would have been blessed with total strangers who could have possibly helped him find a way to work through it.

 

My point is his life didnt have to end. No one's life does. We heal, we are human, and sometimes life happens the way we dont want it to. We loose the ones we love but we live to love another day.

 

Stay strong, open your heart and let the pain subside. Take it an eyelash at a time. Work through just that minute and dont focus on the whole breakup all at one time. You will laugh again, you will smile again, and you will love again.

 

Scootncash