Incredibly Lost

[confusedrt]

Hey guys thanks for replying and reading my wall of text in advance.

 

I am 22, and a respiratory therapist and paramedic in a local hospital, completing my bach's in pre-med. One of my many jobs is to monitor all the vents in the ICU's that I work in, usually I choose the ICU that has the most young and pretty nurses (i have a very nice choice too). In this specific ICU there is this one nurse I will call her Anna, Anna and I have been talking and flirting for several months. Anna is 23, a RN and is going to school to be a nurse anesthetist, she is very pretty, smart, and funny as hell. I'll come into work and chat with her for about an hour or 2 throughout the day (after my work is done!). This one day she asks me to go to the club with several of the other nurses on the floor (every man’s dream), so I say yes. Well we go to the club and dance, talk, and flirt. It really was a great time. So that starts a cascade of things that cause me and my girlfriend to split after 4 years. The night I break up with my girlfriend I send a text to Anna telling her what happened, and she calls me and we chat for a little.

 

A few days later we start to hang out and watch movies together, which really mean we talked the entire time talking and then I had to have her try to explain the movie to me after. After a few of these nights pass, she sends me a text and asks me when I won't cuddle with her on the couch. So then I start to cuddle and watch movies with her, she starts to tell me that she likes me and has for awhile. Me being really shy and only having 1 previous relationship kind of laughed and later that night I told her I liked her too.

 

Sooo the next night we start to kiss and wind up making out, cuddling and falling asleep on the couch. Before I leave she gives me a real passionate kiss goodbye. The next morning she says that her hormones are really off because we didn't do anything sexual, I told her that I was shy in that department and that I would remedy that. Later on in the day she tells me that she only wants friends with benefits and no attachments. I agree to that and later tell her that I couldn't do that because I would want a relationship out of it, and since I really liked her I would not be able to have "emotionless sex" , because I know that I had started to fall for her.

 

A few days later at work I was supposed to work in her ICU when they transferred me to the ER because they needed coverage. I text her that I won't be working with her today and she told me that it was too bad. Initially right off the bat we get a trauma patient who is quite sick and goes to her ICU. She goes into the room and keeps taking glances and smiling at me (very little talking, all work related). Later on that night my boss transfers me back up to her ICU. I talk and flirt with her like I normally do so as to not make it obvious to the other staff that I have a thing for her (I am a huge flirt, and other nurses, RTs, and other staff have been telling me that she said she likes me the other day and ask what is going on between us). As I am restocking my half of the equipment room Anna walks in and as she is getting some items she talks to me, as I leave we both move closer, close enough to kiss but it doesn't happen. Later that night one of the nurses asks me to go out to dinner with some of the staff, I ask who is going and when he says Anna I immediately agree to go.

 

For some reason the other 3 people decide to go get drinks and me and Anna are left alone to talk, so we chat for a few, and move to our seats. We sit across from each other and chat with our other friends there the entire time texting each other who sucks more and who is cooler between the two of us. When we go to leave we walk out together and she is tipsy (I didn't have my ID on me so I was as sober as a rock) and once again we stand close enough to kiss but with our colleagues there it doesn't happen.

 

I text her to drive safe and if she feels that she can't drive I can give her a ride home. She texts me that she wants me to come over and do stuff. Seeing as how I like her I agree. We both run to our respective houses and take a shower. Sooo I drive over to her house and she immediately tells me that she wanted to kiss me at work in the equipment room and starts to kiss me and make out. We make out for about an hour and a half and then she gets a stomach ache (it seems more to me that she was having an anxiety attack) so we stop and I rub her stomach till it goes away. We start to cuddle and I tell her that she is really nice to cuddle with, she tells me that we can't cuddle because it will lead to attachments and that I can only do dirty stuff to her. I cuddle her most of the night and we hold hands exchange kisses over all it was very nice. After we both take a nap I get up to leave and she walks me to the door and kisses me goodnight.

In the morning I tell her that I am frustrated because I enjoy kissing her so much and that I want more. She then proceeds to tell me that we have to go back to being friends and can't do that anymore. 10 minutes later she tells me that if I want I can have my way with her if I want to. I tell her that next time we hang out I will "half kidding".

 

Now I am very confused, like incredibly. I don't really know what she wants. She tells me one minute that she only wants FwB and that is how all her previous relationships got started and then the next I feel that she really does like me and is trying to hide it for some reason. I fear that it is because I blew it when I didn't tell her that I liked her when she asked me. So complains constantly that no guys ask her out and she hates that (which is probably because she is really pretty, smart, and funny and most guys are intimidated by her), and the kicker is that she is telling me! The other day I was like what do you mean no guys ask you out, WTF have I been doing! On the other hand I feel as though she is keeping me kind of apart from her because she tonight is going out to meet with her ex-ex from 4 years ago who left her and that she doesn't want to hurt me if something develops with him. This makes me feel kind of like **** because I like her so much and I thought that she did too.

 

Any help would be kindly appreciated. If she just wants to be friends that’s fine with me but I have no idea what she is trying to tell me.

 

Thanks the Incredibly Confused Respiratory Therapist

[Ruby Slippers]

If you want a relationship with her, you need to man up and make it happen. Sounds like she's scared of getting attached, possibly due to past injuries. It's your job to convince her you are serious about her, you want a serious relationship, and you will treat her right. Only proceed if all this is true.