crisla Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 :mad:I HATE HIM!!! So in my previous thread, we had a talk one day that we are just gonna be friends. We work together in the same place. So for like 3 weeks things are fine. We talk at work and sometimes talk on the phone. Talking just only regular stuff, never talk about 'us' at all. I'm fine and finally think that I'm over him already until... TODAY!!! Yesterday at work he told me : I love you! I ignored him. And after we finished work, he said he wanted to see me. I told him I can't. He said it's fine. But he called me after work. I told him that I don't want him to say that word anymore. He said that's how he feels.. I said I don't want to hear it. And I asked him the reason why he wanted to see me. He said nothing, just wanted to see me, that's all.. ? I thought he wanted to talk to me about something important!!.. I asked my burning questions on why he was so mean to me before when the first time we were broken up. I was so in pain I feel like I wanted to die before. I was lost and sad, I had to pretended that I was fine but I actually wasn't. I feel like he never missed me. I think I made a HUGE mistake telling him all that! And this morning he called me again. He said he is sorry about asking wanted to see me last night. I said it's fine. And he said that he will never want to ask me or call me ever again. We talk only on the job, that's all. He said he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend (WTF?). I cut him and told him I don't want to know anything about his girfriend! And he was trying to tell me more but I said I don't want to hear. I don't understand him! He then said see you later at work! I HATE HIM! He is messing up with my head again. I thought we can talk and be friends like normal, but look like we can't. It's been a little more than 2 months since we've broken up. Now I don't know what to do when I see him at work tonight. I feel like we've broken up all over again and THIS IS REALLY PAIN! Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Thomas X Forever Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Hurt his "gf"? Sounds like he just said that to gain leverage/dignity. I doubt he even has a gf. And if he does, I bet he just uses her to make you jealous. He broke up with you, right? Or did you break up with him? Sounds like he may be insane.
Author crisla Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 He dumped me! He said we can't be together. I agree at that time even though I was really hurt. We just can't be together because of soo much issues between us. I was hurt, he was fine. I cried everyday for a week and think about him all the time until one day he told me that he has a girlfriend ( 3 weeks after we've broken up). I was mad and angry, especially he told me 4 days after he has a girlfriend that : he missed me! (WTH?) And we've been through fight because he wanted me to still talk to him at the job but I ignored him all the time. After we had a talk (3 weeks ago) we were fine. Now why all of sudden he is messing with me again? He ruined my entire day! He is insane! Seriously. Now I don't know what to do when I see him at work tonight. Should I ignore him or just say hi or answer him if he talk to me? Right now, I really really want to call him to just say I HATE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN! SHOULD I?
Thomas X Forever Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Although it may make you feel better to tell him you hate him and never want to speak to him again, it isn't the right answer. The right answer is no contact. Cut him off completely. If you tell him you hate him etc., you will regret it one day once you're way over this. So just do your future self a favor and only cut him off and don't speak to him. He DOES sound insane, so don't worry, you aren't alone in thinking that.
andy2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 try to be formal ...i.e. talk only when needed because of work...and just ignore him for other matters.....i know it is hard.....but you have to for your better
Author crisla Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I need to start all over from the square one AGAIN. My heart is broken into million pieces again. I thought I was done picking up almost all the pieces, but I dropped most of them TODAY! I feel empty again in the inside.. I'm totally a mess today.. really.. I hate him! Really I do. But as much I hate him, I miss him..
Flying Burrito Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Hurt his "gf"? Sounds like he just said that to gain leverage/dignity. I doubt he even has a gf. And if he does, I bet he just uses her Strongly agree. I've been guilty of similar behavior. The second break from my ex, Amy went less than no contact to the point of no talking about me or spending time with our common friends. I didn't make up a girlfriend, but I started doing obnoxious things to get her attention. It makes no sense. I know but I thought HOW DARE SHE! How dare she ignore me! So I decided to teach her a lesson. It's not so much about you exactly or the attention as it is about power. When you stopped responding, you took his big power high away. HOW DARE YOU! Look, the choice is always (yes, ALWAYS) up to you. He has zero control over you. If you want to talk, then talk. If you want no contact, you stay no contact. My opinion is that calling to say "I HATE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN!" is giving your ex the power high. When you have to see him at your work, give him the professional minimum, like you would any guy you have zero interest in. Girls are great at this kind of aggression with other girls. You nothing him. You're fine, you're neutral, neither unhappy or happy. You're your normal you. You have no problem.
Author crisla Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Yeah.. I was thinking that I'd just be NORMAL ME today. If I feel I want to talk, then I talk, if I don't then I won't. I'll see what happens.. But I give him credit for messing up with my head and my day today. I don't know what he thinks about me. Guy supposed to know this. Does he feel that I'm ignoring him? Is that why he is doing this to me? He told me that he doesn't love his girlfriend before. I know he is just using her...
Flying Burrito Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Its not about you. Or messing your head up either really. Its about what makes him think he's back in control. As soon as you accept that this is a game he's playing with HIMSELF, you'll be able to see that what you do or say isn't the issue. What he wants is to think he's in control. It could be sociopathic or it could just be what a stupid young man does to get back some balance in his life. Either way, this is his problem to worry about. You have better things to do with your time.
Author crisla Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Thanks, I feel better. I'll post what happened after I get back from work tonight. I would just ignore him just like usual. Do you think that'll make him mad? I would looove to make him mad and drive him crazy.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Please ignore him and move on. I am/was in a similar situation and someone doing this to you isnt someone you want to be friends with let alone in a relationship with. It's not fair to you.
Excellent Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Thanks, I feel better. I'll post what happened after I get back from work tonight. I would just ignore him just like usual. Do you think that'll make him mad? I would looove to make him mad and drive him crazy. I'm in the same shoes as you. Got dumped, and now i have to see my ex at work, 5 days a week. I never, ever expected it to be so tough. She managed to string me along for 2 months after the break, before i cut the contact. Evaded her as much as possible at work, always said i didn't have the time when she called at wanted me to come over after work-hours. And never, ever initiated contact, except one time, when i offered to bring some of her stuff over. Not to have an excuse to see her, i just wanted to get rid of it, so i could finally be done with it all. I never showed her any weakness, never gave her that miss-you face, i didn't give her anything after that. And it didn't take long before i noticed the changes in her, and more importantly, me. NC does help. I still have my sad moments, but it's longer and longer between each time, and when they come, i let them out when i'm alone and at home. Yeah i miss what we had, yeah i miss her, but what i don't miss is the way she treated me right before and after the break. It's fine to hate him for what he did, and what he's doing to you, for starters. But don't let it fester, it will only effect you more than him. Always show him your best side at work, but never give him any attention what so ever. It will give you power, while taking away his. Thats the best revenge, rising above his level. And the taste is sweet.
Donovan Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 haha, i hated all my exes too for what they did but i got over it in a year or 2. you will as well.
Author crisla Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Here is the update: I saw him 2 days. Saturday and Sunday. Well.. on Saturday he said hi and how am I doing to me. I said hi. He asked me why I didn't asked him how he is doing? I said: HOW ARE YOU? And walked away from him. Didn't really want to know the answer. He was acting like he never called me that morning. He acted like 'normal' him. I just ignored him the whole time. When he asked me questions or stuff, I answered. That's all.. Oh.. he told me he has a new Iphone, I wasn't interested, and said nothing. But.. on Sunday, he approached me in the morning. He looked at me and wanted me to look at him. I turned around and said no. He kept standing there and tried to look into my eyes. He finally said: "You always look beautifull. Remember that!" I probably blushed when he said that.. (grrrrrrrrr..)... I WAS WEAK! HELP ME! Now, I feel like I'm missing him all over again. HELP ME! I WAS DOING FINE!!! I don't want to be with him again, but I admitted it, I'm missing him. Right now I'm thinking about him and I feel like I want to call him... What do I do? I'm a mess, A BIG MESS! Please please help me.
Thomas X Forever Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Well you have to be realistic. What will happen if you call him? Will it really solve anything?
LoveUrselfFirst Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Hun please take my advice because you and I are, were in the same boat (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181745/). My ex waited a whole week and a half to contact me and mess with my head. Oh yea forgot to mention that we work together...anyways I finally returned his call because I was in fact crying at one point at work and I didn't want anyone to see that and I couldn't take it anymore. I told him everything that I had to tell him and told him it was best to stop all communication and that if we bump into each other at work I would be cordial and say hello, but no phone calls or hanging out. He didn't quite get the point and showed up at my house at the end of the week and try to be cool with me....well to make a long story short....we don't speak to one another. I made it clear that his sorry's and his immaturity can't fix things. And in between him showing up in between times I've done things that I should have not done with him. Now let's make something clear....if you two hang around with each other, it will lead to kissing, hugging, touching....sex obviously to you feeling confused and still hanging onto something that doesn't matter anymore till it ends up in hurt in your part. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS.....tell him that you are moving on with your life.
Author crisla Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Thanks LoveUrselfFirst, I've read yours. What your ex doing to you is terrible, being so immature and let his mom answered the call. He didn't call me btw today. He used to call me every Tuesday morning. I found myself checking my cellphone every 2 seconds this morning waiting for his call (which is dumb). I'm trying my best NOT to call him even though I really want to. I know it doesn't make any difference. I'm trying to stay strong here. NO CONTACT questions: I've never really go NO CONTACT. How do you guys do it? Tell him that I don't want any contact from him anymore or just go cold turkey? I'm not gonna see him until Thursday. Usually he will chase me at work trying to get me to say hi to him. So.. I don't know.. I'm so dumb. I don't want him anymore in my life, but I'm finding myself missing him. As far as I hate him, I'm afraid to have him completely out of my life. Another question is: Why he keep doing this to me? He has a girlfriend, but look like he still wants to keep me around? He said he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend, but he keep chasing me around at work trying to make me talk to him? I don't understand him. Specially he acted like he never said anything before.. This is messed up!
Author crisla Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Yeah.. he called me around 6.00 PM today. I was at the gym. I missed his calls. I didn't call him back. I don't understand him at all. He clearly said on Saturday morning that he won't call me anymore. But look what he did? He confused me. I don't know what he wants? Someone help me please?
Author crisla Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 I just got 2 text messages from him. First message : I love you. Second message : Picture of himself. Don't know what to do at this point. I will see him at work tomorrow.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 NO CONTACT questions: I've never really go NO CONTACT. How do you guys do it? Tell him that I don't want any contact from him anymore or just go cold turkey? I'm not gonna see him until Thursday. Usually he will chase me at work trying to get me to say hi to him. So.. I don't know.. I'm so dumb. I don't want him anymore in my life, but I'm finding myself missing him. As far as I hate him, I'm afraid to have him completely out of my life. NC is never an easy thing but it's the best thing. You really don't have to say much because at some point of you not picking up, he will eventually get the point. If he chases you at work and he asks why you haven't returned his call(s), you could say nonchalantly is "I've been really busy with things". No need for further explanation because at this point, it's really none of his business. Also if he texts you, quickly delete the message without trying to read the entire thing. Secondly you are not dumb. We all make mistakes on caring for an ex because it's human nature until it's a point where we give up and move on. And yes it's even more difficult to move on when you work with one another. I guess I'm glad my job is closing down at the end of this month so that way I don't get to see my ex anymore. Finally don't be afraid to have him out of your life. I think him being out of your life would be...no...will be a great thing for you. Get into something you use to like doing, reading, exercising, dancing, whatever to keep you busy and your mind free from the "loser". The weather is eventually getting better...make it an effort to get out of your house and enjoy life!!!!
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