shadowplay Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I guess I was reminded of this idea by the cheesy (but pretty) song "A Thousand Miles." There is definitely a guy for whom I would, without hesitation, abandon my life and literally walk a thousand miles, climb five mountains, build a house, you name it to simply lay by his side for a night. I mean this in all seriousness, have felt this way for years, and know it's absolutely insane. Is there anybody about whom you feel or have ever felt this way? It's sad to know that nothing you could do, no physical feat or great act of endurance, could ever make somebody who doesn't want you reconsider. In this paranoid modern world you'd just seem creepy, not noble. Yet something's to be said for a determined, singular pursuit in the face of adversity, even if the goal itself seems unworthy to others. I have a well of strength inside me, but nothing taps into it more easily than the idea of pursuing that one. Why does 80% of my determination concentrate into such a narrow, hopeless channel? Why do I have difficulty spreading it elsewhere? I mean I have plenty of other goals that I care about, but not with the same passion. Most of my strength lies dormant because the only thing that could possibly trigger it will never occur. When it comes down to it love is all that has ever mattered to me. I just want to be with that person who feels like home. The feeling came to me once in a dream in full saturation, like something familiar and forgotten, something essential to my core that had been missing, that I knew was missing but before then could never quite identify. It wasn't a feeling of exhilaration as some people describe love; it was a feeling of total coziness, acceptance and warmth, a sensation so pure that only a child could probably experience it. Maybe it was in fact a memory from childhood. in many ways real love is a return to a child-like state. I wonder how many adults ever reconnect with that feeling -- probably not many, because it was so complete. If I knew there were a chance that it'd work, I'd go through almost anything to make it. I am certain that it wouldn't. And I'm 99% sure now that I will never find that person as I've only felt that amazing clarity for one guy in my 25 years and he didn't like me. I often think of alternative universes, how things might have gone differently had I chosen another path, whether I ever had any control at all.
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