nelib Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I am 27 yrs old and I am about to start another LDR come July 2009 (he has to move away for one year). I say another LDR because I was involved in one for 4 years that ended badly for me (I discovered that he was cheating on me) and then I was in another relationship for 9mos that ended shortly after it became long distance ( I had to move away). I am really dreading this because I am in the point in my life that I want to settle down and this move puts this relationship in a precarious state if you will. We are both resident physician in the exact same specialty..however, I am in the beginning of my training and he is near the end of his training. Meaning that, when we have to move....we have to move. Its not a choice. Thankfully, it is not too far away....about one hour by plane, five by driving. However, I am considering my options here. I really care about him but we have only been together for 6 months. Actually, I am totally in love with him. He claims that he feels strongly for me ...yet I think that I value this relationship more than he does. He has mentioned that he is looking to move to where i am after the year is done. But this is a "MAYBE" and he has even used those words. We have not had any discussions of where this relationship is going in the future....like MARRIAGE which he clearly knows I want. I don't want to scare the guy off and put pressure on him but I don't want to waste my time AGAIN...as I am getting older and everyone around me is getting hitched. Should I have a serious discussion with him and directly ask him where this relationship is going. HELP!!!!
lonelypiscesguy Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Of course you should, sweetheart! You have every right to ask him about his intentions. Explain to him your previous experiences and the reasons behind your trepidation. It's not asking too much.
Bearandsue Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I agree. Sit him down and lay out how you feel. That way you will know before hand if its worth entering a LDR. Which, since you have been in one before, You know that in order for them to succeed you need to have definite plans and know exactly where you stand with the other person. Both parties have to be fully committed. Good Luck. PS. Don't start the convo with "we need to talk".......lol
LonelyTiger Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I don't think you have any option other than to ask, unless you want to go through a whole lot of heartache all over again. Unfortunately, I think there is a very high risk that you will scare him off though. When a woman brings up the 'where is this going' conversation and the man's not ready for it, he generally runs a mile. If he hasn't told you that he loves you then he probably isn't ready. I still think you have to ask though because LDRs don't work unless you have a shared goal at the end of it and, like you say, you don't want to waste your time if he's not heading in the same direction as you. Good luck!
Author nelib Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 He finally has told me that he cares about me and that he loves me. I wrote him a very long email explaining what I am feeling and where I am coming from.....and he has not replied to my email and has not brought the topic up in phone conversations. I think I have my answer. The fact is that I am young, beautiful, intelligent and successful with zero baggage...I am not going to wait for a maybe...I cannot sacrifice so much for a "maybe" Thanks again
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