henrijoba Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Hello, I am just going to lay it all on the table here. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs. We have been together for a total of 5 years. We used to have sex about 4 to 5 times a week when we first started dating and that lasted a year into our relationship. When we got married, it slowly began to slack off. We now have sex once a week or maybe even 3 or 4 times a month. He does not come on to me anymore. I usually have to say something about it or mention it to him. A couple of times, we had a big blow up. I can't remember specifically what this was about, but the words he said echoed in my head over and over. He said "and that is why I don't have sex with you. I was really hurt and did not speak to him for a couple of days. Then another time, I clearly remember, he got mad because I did not feel like playing in his hair and then he said to me, "That is why men cheat on their wives. Again, another hurtful comment. He also makes it seems like everything is my fault, and makes me feel guilty sometimes. When I approach him about it, he makes like he had forgotten about it or he did not make much of it. I have explained to him in a letter, because I was so hurt, that I was still attracted him as it was the first day we met. He has been hiding porn from me. He goes on to the websites and watches these very graphic images, which I am almost embarrassed to watch. I even confronted him about this once and even blocked the porn channels on the TV. He was so upset I blocked the channels and complained. So, I removed the block. I had a dad who treated my mom wrong and my sisters refuse to get married. So, I decided to take a chance. If this marriage does not work out, I will never marry again. So now, I don't really sweat it any more. Unless there is something that comes up. I came home from work, and he left the computer on with the screensaver. I saw a topless picture of Alicia Keys. Knocking the water over to get to computer, I wanted to know what else he had saved under his files. He had another picture of a woman, this woman was completely naked and he had visited a bunch of porn websites on his two days off. Here is the crucial part. When we look at porn on TV, he hurries up and flips it off the channel. We used to watch porn together when we first met. So, I don't mind watching it with him. He tries to hide it from me. He came home from work yesterday, bragging, saying some guy is jealous of him because all of the girls like him, but he tells them that he is married. He seems so proud of this. In fact he is so proud, that he will not even cut his hair the way I like it because he says the people at work like his hair better that way. When I asked him if it mattered what his wife wanted, he did not answer. I may be seriously overreacting, and I need to know if I am. He has taken blows to my self esteem in the past, and says he has forgotten about it when I confront him minutes later. He says that he was just angry and did not mean anything by it, but I wonder why he would say it if he doesn't mean it. We had thought about having a baby over 3 years ago and we even tried, but after his attitude changed toward me, I changed my mind and went back on birth control. I did not want to have a baby with him and I already feel less desirable. I think if we did have a child, our marriage would be in jeopardy. I feel the fact that I did not become pregnant at the time, was the workings of god. I love him very much. I address these problems with him and he seems to forget we ever talked about them. My worry, he is not considerate of me and my feelings. Divorce has come up in my head several times. He claims he loves me, but it seems like he is more interested in impressing other people and I suggest his so called “groupie club” instead of me. He has stated in the past that I am his best friend, but sometimes I wonder if he really means it; as he thinks of me as only a good friend and not a wife. I have yet to confront him about the naked pictures on his computer, but I will. I think we may need marriage counseling, but the problems is we work very opposite hours. I work days and he works evenings. He would not come anyway if our schedules were the same. He does not want to be disturbed from his “beauty sleep.” What does it seem like to you all? Could you please respond? Thanks.
Jacquelyn8 Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 After reading your posting, it sounds like your husband is having unresolved issues about himself. He puts his friends or coworkers before you and he prefers to watch porn alone. Obviously, it looks like he is taking you for granted. When two people enter into a marriage, they are suppose to share experiences together, good or bad. For your case, it looks like your husband is having a separate life and does not put any efforts into the marriage. It looks like you are the only one concern about the relationship and wanting to make it work. I agree that having a baby now is not the right time until you have solve the existing relationship problems. All the best! Amy Jacquelyn http://Tips4Everyone.com
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