Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I disagree. I still don't feel that there is an obligation to disclose HPV. Also, just say he DOES get it from you, hell chances are he already is carrying it himself. If he's had sex, there's an 80% chance he has it, too. There's just no tests to detect it in men. So if you have sex, and you do end up breaking up, and he has relations with another woman, and she turns up with HPV on her pap...there is NO way you can say it was from YOU...he could have already had it in his system BEFORE you...so why should you tell this guy if he, by odds, has it HIMSELF already? Why should you be labeled the contaminated one? Forget that. Also a friend of mine had an abnormal pap, she had the cells removed, not fun, but she went on to marry a year later, everything's fine, she's 7 months pregnant. I wouldn't even worry about it. However....if you ARE worried about it....just ask your doctor what he thinks.... Plus if you sleep with him, you will want to use condoms at least to begin with anyway, if it gets to a serious relationship, you won't use condoms probably, well then you're a close intimate couple anyway so the HPV doesn't matter unless warts do show up and actually warts kind of rare.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I disagree. I still don't feel that there is an obligation to disclose HPV. It isn't hard to research the subject.. The CDC has some info on what type of STD it is.. http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Yah...well...it is a personal choice and I don't feel a woman is obligated, especially, since I stated, the guy has a very good chance of having it already also, yet his is undetected and she gets to be labeled the contaminated one? For HPV, which really is not on the same level at ALL as HIV or herpes? You can have HPV and never know you had it at all, with absolutely no symptoms, in fact that is usually what happens. Like someone else said...if you're sexually active, you should get yearly paps anyway, so if you're pap turns up abnormal, then you deal with that with a procedure, but if not, there is no obligation. The website even states that HPV most often goes away on its own with no symptoms so if I had it, I would not tell the guy, especially since he could already have it anyway and it's not fair for me to put that out there when he very well could have it too.
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 OP, here's an aftermath thread from someone who dealt with disclosure of HSV http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t154022/ I can't find the original disclosure thread (it may have been deleted) but you can PM her and talk about your situation with someone who went through it. You know the specifics of your situation better than anyone. Hope it works out
pollywag Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Ok obviously i am going to tell him b4 we have any kind of sexual relations!!! i am not ignorant and i do not want anyone else to get this. I am not tricking him by waiting to see where this goes b4 i tell him. some of you on here have the wrong idea about wut i meant. I did not say i will hold him hostage emotinaly i did not say i will string him along and i do in no way want to trick him or being shady!!! considerin how you have no idea the amout of stress it is to live with an std find someone you like and have to tell them. so dont judge me and dont act like you know up from down in this. and hpv is not even in the same ballpark as hiv. period. You're right I have no idea what it must feel like to live with an STD and have to start a relationship on that foot since every time someone new comes into your life you have to go through the anxiety of sharing something as intimate and potentially damaging as that. I can't say I know exactly what that feels like since I do not or ever have had an STD, however I can still empathize with how stressful it must be. If you only wanted responses from people who knew "up from down", then why post on a public forum? Having said that, when I said the longer you wait it is like holding his emotions hostage I did not mean you were doing that intentionally or with malicious intent. I know and fully understand you are doing it because you don't want to potentially chase him away or ruin the chances of being with him. But it is more something that would be implied by your actions. I was responding sort of from the perspective of being in your guy's shoes and how he might interpret it. The more time you let go by the more he might be bothered by the idea that you let him get emotionally attached to you before you let him decide on his own. That's all I meant. If you have met him already and he has every intention of dating you when he gets home and you are spending all this time developing an emotional tie overseas then you owe it to him to let him know what he is investing his emotions on.
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 People are seriously overreacting. I just looked at some medical websites where people were asking if they should tell their partners they have HPV, and the doctors state there is no reason to since so many people have it anyway, as long as you don't have warts or symptoms. So....if doctors are advising not to tell, why do this???
pollywag Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 since I stated, the guy has a very good chance of having it already also, yet his is undetected and she gets to be labeled the contaminated one? Sorry but I didn't understand that, why does the guy have a great chance of having it too undetected?
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 There is no test to detect HPV in men. HPV is not HSV (herpes.) So up to 80% of people can have HPV...it's only detectable in women....ok, they are getting it from men who have no way of knowing they have it.
pollywag Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 There is no test to detect HPV in men. HPV is not HSV (herpes.) So up to 80% of people can have HPV...it's only detectable in women....ok, they are getting it from men who have no way of knowing they have it. Ahhh, got it! thanks. But the OP must have flare ups or warts otherwise how did she find out? If he also has warts or some sort of flare up then they have nothing to worry about they are both in the same boat. Otherwise she knows and has symptoms and should tell him because even if he is proned to be carrying it unless it is manifested then it doesn't matter if he is proned or not. It's like saying we all have cancer, yes we all carry early forms of cancer in our bodies but not everyone has malignant cancer. I dunno I think she should tell him, she is hiding this from him and it doesn't seem right. At what point would you recommend she tell him?
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 OP, I'm a bit confused... First, we have deployment (assuming the guy referred to here in this thread) discussed here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t182397/ Then a week later, this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t183210/ Any help here? How many guys are you dating or interested in right now?
pollywag Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Wow! Unless they are all different guys, she is either lying to the army guy and us or just can't keep up with all the men she is "in love with" Interesting.... I stand firmly by all my posts!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 But the OP must have flare ups or warts otherwise how did she find out? ? Only a few strains show up as warts. Most people find out through a pap smear. They have no idea that they have it. MANY people have it. OP, full disclosure I have it. So do a lot of women I know. One of my friends has had it off and on since she was 18. Both she and her sister were diagnosed before they even had sex. The fact is that if you make out with a guy, you can get it. If you have sex with a guy and he WEARS CONDOMS, you can get it. Since there is no test for men, most men have no idea that they have it. I have always been EXTREMELY careful about using protection, and I still got it. I have no idea how long I've had it or who I got it from. And no, for all you trolls, I wasn't seeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry who crossed my path. OP, I think you should tell him. Send him links to the CDC and NIH websites. Most likely he will be fine with it. And if he isn't? Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. He has a right to protect his sexual health in whatever way he feels is right for him. I know it is really difficult, but it is the right thing to do. BTW, I told my bf and it wasn't easy for me to do it. I just found out I had it at my last exam, so we had already slept together. That made it even harder. I just came out with it-I had to. I gave him information from reputable sources, and guess what? He didn't really care that much. I guess he saw that the risks are so incrementally low for men that I was worth the risk. Again, it is so common these days. It doesn't mean you're a dirty ho. Just do it!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Oh, and I had no idea I had it. I went in for my annual exam and it showed up in the tests. Ladies, get your annual exams! It's important!
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 If you are sexually active, yes, it is very important to get your annual exams but just carrying HPV...no disclosure necessary. Even doctors will tell you there is no reason to tell your partner. The guy you're sleeping with has an 80% chance of having himself anyway, so why should you tell him just that you're carrying it? Doesn't make sense.
Author rlindzie Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 ok idk y some of u feel it is important to tell me about my own dating history. I have dated more than one guy sence being one here. Things didnt work out. big f-ing deal!!! I meet a new guy!!! gezz that has nothing to do with my OP!!! Stop trying to split hairs here. it makes u sound bitter and judgemental. i have gotten actual advice form mostly only women on here so i guess men are dealing with some issues unrelated to mine, and feel the need to take it out on me. thank you to the people who gave me advice. i am still on the fence as to when exactly to tell him seeing as i wont even see him for 2 more months. And if things dont work out then i just told him for nothing.
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Yeah, some people like to get off-topic and question your veracity by digging up old posts, it's annoying. they think they're the "truth police" or something. Anyway, if you don't have any symptoms of HPV, doctors say there is absolutely no reason to disclose. This guy probably has it, too, and just doesn't know it, yet there is no test....so how fair is that???? Just don't tell.
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 IMO, table the issue until he returns. If your meeting goes well and you get on, decide a timeline at that point
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Yeah, some people like to get off-topic and question your veracity by digging up old posts, it's annoying. they think they're the "truth police" or something. Anyway, if you don't have any symptoms of HPV, doctors say there is absolutely no reason to disclose. This guy probably has it, too, and just doesn't know it, yet there is no test....so how fair is that???? Just don't tell. Actually, I was confused by the dynamic. Would you like to take this up via PM?
Author rlindzie Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Yeah, some people like to get off-topic and question your veracity by digging up old posts, it's annoying. they think they're the "truth police" or something. Anyway, if you don't have any symptoms of HPV, doctors say there is absolutely no reason to disclose. This guy probably has it, too, and just doesn't know it, yet there is no test....so how fair is that???? Just don't tell. Oh it so annoying lol , thank you for the advise i think i will dothat. Meet him for the first time and if it goes further than i will tell him and yes it is not fair.
CandyGirlXO Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 People are seriously overreacting. I just looked at some medical websites where people were asking if they should tell their partners they have HPV, and the doctors state there is no reason to since so many people have it anyway, as long as you don't have warts or symptoms. So....if doctors are advising not to tell, why do this??? AGREE here! I have HPV as well... YES 80% at least ALREADY have it. I had my abnormal cells removed 2 years ago, and ALL of my paps have been normal since. I did not tell my BF at all. I didn't see the need. There are no testing done for men, and it doesn't afffect them in anyway. Didn't see the need. It is not like herpes etc... Not even warts... just abnormal cancerous cells that were removed. Chances are they will never return, according to the doctor.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I disagree. I still don't feel that there is an obligation to disclose HPV. I think it is extremely selfish for a woman to have sex with a man knowing full well that she is infected an STD such as HPV. I think it is a complete breach of trust. So if the man catches it and later gives it to another woman, is the other woman not supposed to care that now she has HPV?
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I think it is extremely selfish for a woman to have sex with a man knowing full well that she is infected an STD such as HPV. I think it is a complete breach of trust. So if the man catches it and later gives it to another woman, is the other woman not supposed to care that now she has HPV? The 2nd woman had an 80% chance of having it before you already, so you don't know if she is even got it from you. You already have an 80% chance of it anyway before you are even getting with the first woman. I don't feel it is since women should have yearly tests anyway and if there are no symptoms (warts, abnormal pap, even if you have an abnormal pap, well, it might go into another's system and not affect them at all) doctors say no need to tell since it is so prevalent anyway.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 The 2nd woman had an 80% chance of having it before you already, so you don't know if she is even got it from you. You already have an 80% chance of it anyway before you are even getting with the first woman.. and part of the reason if not a big reason why it has taken such a hold onto the population is the exact thinking you have that I quoted below.. I still don't feel that there is an obligation to disclose HPV.. I agree that your thinking about not disclosing an STD is a very selfish position to take and not a very mature one.
Cherished Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 No. It's not selfish. Doctors state that there is no reason to tell, just because you are an HPV carrier. If I had it, it happened to pop up on a pap, I wouldn't tell any guy I was sleeping with. There's no way to trace who you got it from, if the guy you're with already has it, if he'll give it to his next partner and if he actually got it from me or someone else before me, if the partner already had it before he met her...... I'm not being labeled with having it when he could very well have it....I'm not a drama creator and doctors say it's so prevalent there's no need to "disclose" as people say. Sorry, it's not the same as herpes. I'm going with what doctors say. I would consider it if there were a test for men....but since there isn't...I'm not telling...doctors say don't bother, either.
pollywag Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 ISo if the man catches it and later gives it to another woman, is the other woman not supposed to care that now she has HPV? Was thinking the same thing. It's no wonder half the population is filled with STDs no one gives a feck! and part of the reason if not a big reason why it has taken such a hold onto the population is the exact thinking you have that I quoted below.. I agree that your thinking about not disclosing an STD is a very selfish position to take and not a very mature one. EXACTLY! It's ignorance and seems conniving to me. If the only ones that can tell are carrying it are the women it is the woman's duty then to inform men so that they don't pass it on. Gees! Thank goodness I don't have to sleep with women, this makes me ashamed for my gender. And OP no one is splitting hairs but if you post about a guy that you have been in relations with who went away to the army and then a month later you post about a man in the army you are getting close to and will be dating once he comes home, it is natural to wonder it is the same guy. If it is the same guy then that means you are already lying to him and witholding information and you two are well past the point of being intimate and it is definitely NOT too soon to tell him. So that leaves even more questions as to why you would toy with him like that?
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