rlindzie Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I have HPV and i am talking to this guy and all is going well and he is just what i want and im what he wants. We meet online , he is in the army and over in Iraq right now [comming home in June]. We havent been talking that long but we both want to date when he comes home. My question : When should I tell him I have HPV? Early on? Lter when he likes me for me? When he comes home? Any ideas or advice would be great
EYECANDY000 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I guess there is no right way to tell someone . but definately let him know before it gets serious and you are coming up on that stage where you two are intimate with each other. I have two different insights about the matter! (a) why tell someone if you arent serious with them and its just conversation and (b) you need to tell him that way you can give him the option on if he would still like to communicate with you
yongyong Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 ah after having enough sex with him and he dumped you? lol JK I guess you should take time for sleeping with him and when you think you can't hold it off anymore, you should confess. If you really want to keep him, you should wait til he is emotionally attached to you
carhill Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Well, how did you handle it with the last guy? Which type do you have? IMO, disclosure should occur well before any chance of transmission would occur. If you engage in behaviors which support transmission quickly after meeting someone and interacting with them, then disclose early or immediately. If you typically refrain from intimacy for a goodly period of time, then waiting to disclose would be appropriate, IMO. However, I would not purposely adopt the latter behavior if the former is your norm. Be honest with yourself. Learn as much as you can about the disease and methods of mitigating risks. Always remember you're not alone.
Author rlindzie Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 thanks for the input. I think I will wait till he is attatched emotinaly to tell him. I havent delt with it b4 bc i was just found out i have it. Of course i will not be intimate with him b4 telling him, lucky for me it will be a while b4 i get the opprotunity to be physical with him. Usually I dont wait too terribly long b4 being intimate with a bf but now i have a whole new spin on things.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 You should have told him already.. He's in Iraq- they are talking online, they haven't gotten close to having sex.
DunnoWhat Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Whats HVP? I think you're being dishonest by trying to get him attached to you before telling him.
Gstover561 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 What do you mean tellin him later on when he "likes me for me"? This is you. You have HPV. Why string him along and hide "you" from him, then finally wait until he is emotionally attached to drop the bomb? Your behavior seems very shady and im sure he won't appreciate being strung along either.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I think I will wait till he is attatched emotinaly to tell him. ummm okay... How would feel if the roles were reversed and he waited till you were emotionally attached to him till he waited to tell you he had an STD.. like herpes or Aids ? If you feel that you would be pleased if he did it to you then by all means proceed.. otherwise tell him now or right before you become intimate.
likestolaugh Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 ummm okay... How would feel if the roles were reversed and he waited till you were emotionally attached to him till he waited to tell you he had an STD.. like herpes or Aids ? If you feel that you would be pleased if he did it to you then by all means proceed.. otherwise tell him now or right before you become intimate. agreed. however, just a minor point... there's a HUGE HUGE difference between having hpv and Aides...
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 HPV is very prevalent these days. Men don't show signs or symptoms, and there is no test for them to see if they have it. Therefore, they pass it on quite easily because they don't know they have it. HPV can be passed by skin to skin contact, so you definitely should tell him before you become intimate, even if you aren't planning on having sex yet. Since he is in Iraq, I assume you are emailing him? Or are you talking on the phone? Anyway, you can send him links to credible websites like the National Institute of Health or CDC so that he knows what it is. Most likely he has already been with a woman who has it. The risks for men are extremely low, thus they don't even have a test for them. For women, certain strains can lead to cervical cancer, so you need to get regular pap smears. Most people clear the virus within two years. Good luck!
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 agreed. however, just a minor point... there's a HUGE HUGE difference between having hpv and Aides... Not really.. if you were comparing them on face value then yes there is an obvious difference... HIV can take a life and might take years.. the same with HPV.. at least for a woman it can.. when it comes to spreading an STD there is no difference at all in any of them and in this thread she is talking about tricking a man and if a person can do that then they could also sleep with him and not tell him.. So there isn't much of a difference then in my mind.
Cherished Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Well... it's not like herpes or anything. Plus for guys to get actual symptoms from HPV, it is actually rare. It is actually rare for women to get actual symptoms. Yes it can cause cervical cancer, but even that is rare when you look at the stats. Often the HVP will just go away within a year or less. I seriously wouldn't worry about it. Now with herpes, that's another story. Honestly I wouldn't even tell him.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I seriously wouldn't worry about it. So it would be okay for her to infect him? ( not saying that she was intending to do that ). because then he would most likely infect another woman ?.. possibly giving her a strain that could give her cancer ?
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Not really.. if you were comparing them on face value then yes there is an obvious difference... HIV can take a life and might take years.. the same with HPV.. at least for a woman it can.. when it comes to spreading an STD there is no difference at all in any of them and in this thread she is talking about tricking a man and if a person can do that then they could also sleep with him and not tell him.. So there isn't much of a difference then in my mind. Some strains of HPV can cause cervical cancer in women. For men- the only manifestation of the strain are warts. There are so many different strains. This is why women get pap tests done- cervical cancer is easily treated when detected. HPV is only one of many possible causes. HPV and AIDS are soooooo different in theory and reality. But alas, it doesn't matter what STD or STV you have. You have an obligation to disclose this information to him prior to having sexual contact. It could be 15 minutes before or 3 month before...the choice is yours to make. I'd go for something in between those two extremes.
samsungxoxo Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Yes do tell him right away, what are you waiting for. If he catches a disease due to you not telling him then he can sue you for it.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Dont tell him while he is in Iraq! Im sure he has enough to think about. Tell him when he comes home. I dont think you should wait until he is emotionally attached though. I think you should tell him if you guys are conversing on a daily basis and it seems something is progressing . I mean if I had it , I wouldnt make that my only conversation piece if I barely know someone. I want to make sure they know me, the understand a little more about it, and then they choose if they would like to remain in contact ith me
pollywag Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 You should tell him the sooner the better, it's not right to hold a person emotionally hostage to your secret that could affect the outcome of his interaction with you. Waiting is not going to convince him in your favour especially if he realizes and feels you have been manipulating him. I mean if I had it , I wouldnt make that my only conversation piece if I barely know someone. I want to make sure they know me, the understand a little more about it, and then they choose if they would like to remain in contact ith me That's true! Are you guys an item yet, have you met in person yet?
lonelypiscesguy Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 ah after having enough sex with him and he dumped you? lol JK I guess you should take time for sleeping with him and when you think you can't hold it off anymore, you should confess. If you really want to keep him, you should wait til he is emotionally attached to youWHAT?! Are you kidding?! Please tell me you're kidding? So snare him by way of his heart, break his heart and hers, all in one fell swoop? Look, my ex had the class to tell me before things got to emotionally involved, at that point, all was talk of liking each other A LOT and finding each other irresistable. You'll only hurt the guy. If he cares about you, he'll do some research and find that it's NOT a death sentence and CAN in fact be avoided with condoms and your taking meds. But of course, there is still that risk. We we're LDR also, if that helps.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 WHAT?! Are you kidding?! Please tell me you're kidding? So snare him by way of his heart, break his heart and hers, all in one fell swoop? Look, my ex had the class to tell me before things got to emotionally involved, at that point, all was talk of liking each other A LOT and finding each other irresistable. You'll only hurt the guy. If he cares about you, he'll do some research and find that it's NOT a death sentence and CAN in fact be avoided with condoms and your taking meds. But of course, there is still that risk. We we're LDR also, if that helps. He was kidding. No meds for HPV though.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I have HPV and i am talking to this guy and all is going well and he is just what i want and im what he wants. We meet online , he is in the army and over in Iraq right now [comming home in June]. We havent been talking that long but we both want to date when he comes home. My question : When should I tell him I have HPV? Early on? Lter when he likes me for me? When he comes home? Any ideas or advice would be great It depends upon how comfortable YOU are with the fact that you have HPV. If you trend toward the considerably uncomfortable, you should tell him beFORE he returns from Iraq, then you don't have to be there face-to-face with him for the big announcement. If you have adjusted reasonably well to having HPV, then tell him when you have him right in front of you, and perhaps on real-life date #2 (provided you can hold out that long before getting deeply physical - otherwise you owe it to him to fess-up before sexual contact.
Author rlindzie Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Ok obviously i am going to tell him b4 we have any kind of sexual relations!!! i am not ignorant and i do not want anyone else to get this. I am not tricking him by waiting to see where this goes b4 i tell him. some of you on here have the wrong idea about wut i meant. I did not say i will hold him hostage emotinaly i did not say i will string him along and i do in no way want to trick him or being shady!!! considerin how you have no idea the amout of stress it is to live with an std find someone you like and have to tell them. so dont judge me and dont act like you know up from down in this. and hpv is not even in the same ballpark as hiv. period. now others have been very kind and understand what i am saying. and i thank you for your input i will tell him when i feel that we know enough about eachother to open up and talk about a very, very personal issue.
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 considerin how you have no idea the amout of stress it is to live with an std find someone you like and have to tell them. so dont judge me and dont act like you know up from down in this. and hpv is not even in the same ballpark as hiv. period. First off.. you have no idea if any of us posting has or has had an STD.. ( not saying I've had or have one.. just that you have no idea what any of us posters have dealt with ) Secondly...it is in the same ballpark as HIV when it comes to spreading an STD.. While they are different STD's they are still BOTH STD's and can be transmitted in similar fashions so they are similar when you are talking about prevention and spreading a disease.. I think you missed my point.. I wasn't drawing a comparison to which one was worse to have but drawing the comparison that they are equal or relatively equal in the transmission... and honestly HPV doesn't always leave after a couple of years like others have posted about.. it goes dormant and will continue to manifest itself in the future and stress can bring it about..
Recommended Posts