daphne123 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. We have a great relationship, are completely comfortable with each other, and spend almost all our time together. But we have one HUGE issue that we are having a big problem finding a resolution to - his ex-girlfriend. When we first started dating, he had been sleeping with her occasionally, and she was still trying to get back together with him, though he said it was a bad idea. He talked to me about her A LOT in the early stages of our relationship and mentioned her all the time about anything - if we were going to see a movie, I had to hear what she thought about it. Once, he told me they had made a pact to get married if they weren't with anyone in ten years. He also once told me that he was "on edge" because he had had to hear about her gynecologist's appointment that day. She started to date someone new, and I started to feel that her behavior was inappropriate. She told my boyfriend that she still slept in his boxers and t-shirt - I feel that sleeping in someone's clothes, and then telling them, is flirting. She also was incredibly upset that he didn't want to meet her new boyfriend, which I found ridiculous - why does she care? Through all this, I also had to deal with things like the fact that my boyfriend still has stuffed animals she gave him displayed in his apartment, and him mentioning her on an almost daily basis. A few weeks ago she was coming to the city where we live, and wanted to see him, when I was going to be out of town. I said I felt very uncomfortable with that, and he explained to her that he could not see her because I was uncomfortable with their relationship. Then, yesterday was his birthday. And she posted on his Facebook wall, a public forum where she knew that I, and all of his and my friends, would see it. I feel like this is incredibly inappropriate. It would be one thing if she had not been told that I was uncomfortable, but since she was, I feel like this was bad behavior. My boyfriend, of course, thinks that I am being crazy. I don't want him to stop talking to her (well I do, obviously, but don't feel that it is my place to ask.) I just want him to set boundaries and tell her when she is being inappropriate. There should never be any discussion of sex, what she sleeps in, their current relationships, etc. And she should never feel entitled to do things that she knows will upset me. What do you guys think?
Lucky555 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I feel your pain. Tell him he needs to set boundaries. OMGOSH. Im sorry but I firstly blame your boyfriend. He accepts the way his ex is talking to him and is not setting boundaries! I really do think men like attention from other women. even if it is their ex. its an ego boost. I don't think he will go back to her but i do think you NEED to stand up for yourself here. You can not make him end a friendship ect. but you can Say "You need to set boundaries or the relationship with us is not going to work well, I want a healthy and loving relationship but she is interfering. I love you and I really want us to be happy together and to get past this." Let him know that your wellbeing and the success of the relationship depends on him setting boundaries. I do not picture you staying with this happening unless you want to lead a miserable life! I know how it feels it has happened to me. I am not with him and I won't let myself deal with stuff like this, he could set have set boundaries but it was too late I was too fed up.
Enema Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Doesn't sound like either of them are over the relationship. That aside, her posting "Happy Birthday" on his facebook wall isn't really crossing any boundaries.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 He got with you before he was over her, and he is clearly still not over her. Talking about her excessively in the beginning was the big clue. The stuffed animals and so on are further clues. Now you know to avoid that in the future. He needs to set the appropriate boundaries. If he doesn't, I'd leave. You're never going to get anywhere with someone who's hung up on an ex.
Lucky_One Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Grown men keep stuffed animals that XGF's give them???
EYECANDY000 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 It seems like your boyfriend is just blowing off his ex's actions. I would definately sit him down and tell him how it is affecting your relationship. and Im sure the girl can care less that she is making you uncomfortable and how to respect you. Seems like she has one motive and one motive only and thats to be with your boyfriend. The fact that she got mad because your bf didnt want to meet her bf, gives off the perception that she just wanted to make him jealous! he needs to seriously talk to this girl.. in all honesty it doesnt seem like they are completely over each other.
chrislovestosurf Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 when you started dating he was ****ing her still? And you stayed with him why?
Author daphne123 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Well, he had not been with her for about 5 years, they were just still sleeping together. I got together with him in March, and he had slept with her in October. So I don't know if I am a rebound. Plus I've been with him for a year now.
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