kassy Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I am confused why does everyone insist here on no contact? (I am new to the website clearly) A brief rundown, met a guy who had just got out of a big messy relationship 3 months earlier, we got on exceptionally well, had a very intense relationship for a few months - but it was too intense for both of us (I have commitment problems) and I freaked out and broke up with him. Then we hung out all day - lunch, shopping etc... WTF? We were in touch all the time after we broke up and I regretted it and wanted to get him back, but then he went away and it was the first time we hadn't had contact since we met. When he came back I asked him if we could try again, he said he thought he should be single for a while (I agree BTW), but obviously that sucks for me. I emailed him only once each day since then (we usually have about 20 odd emails a day and either catch up at night or have a chat on the phone before bed). So he replies to the emails since he said no to getting back together in like a minute of me sending them (none have required a reply - they are forwards or info I said I'd send him ages ago). And I know he is drowing in work right now and super stressed with financial year end. I leave tomorrow for 10 days skiing, when I get back we have a few events to go to with mutual friends, and he has also asked if we (just me and him) can catch up for a drink... so if you are going down the no contact route what do you when you have mutual things to attend?? And can I go for a drink with him? Even if he's said he really wants to be friends?? I dunno how to play this... suggestions please!
Author kassy Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 oh forgot to say, I want to give him some time to sort out some things he needs to and is doing well with... but I do want him back too... so I am quite conflicted. But I really do he needs to do these things on his own, as he is a guy who has been in relationships almost his whole life.
melodymatters Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 In general, No Contact is for the end of long term relationships where one person wants to break up and the other doesn't. It sounds like in this case, you BOTH have a lot of work to do on yourselves before either of you will be ready for something real and long term, and I don't see the harm in remaining friends as long as there are CLEAR boundries. Talk about whats going on with both of you and how the timing isn't right, and just be really honest with each other. DON'T get into a FWB scenario where one of you is bound to get hurt. Right now things are cool between you, and that's great ! See what happens as friends... then, who knows ?
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I have no suggestions about how you "play" this but if you're not prepared to move on, no contact isn't the way to go. I really find it annoying when people use no contact as a game, to play on the insecurities of other people. It's cruel when used as manipulation for personal gain.
Author kassy Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 Ok that makes more sense, I kind feel like we have a lot of getting to know each other still to do anyway... and I just don't want to have no contact, I certainly don't want to manipulate him. And FWB is just not something either of us would ever do with each other... quite simply we just couldn't do it, it ould be complicated and we both know it. Most importantly I really care about him and think that he needs really good friends to help him kinda work his stuff out ... as do I, and I'd like to think we fit into that category for each other (maybe not knowing each other for so long does limit us there, but how we get on is pretty special regardless if we can make it work as a relationship). Don't get me wrong I do want him back... but most of all I want both of us to be happy.
paperchase Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I have no suggestions about how you "play" this but if you're not prepared to move on, no contact isn't the way to go. I really find it annoying when people use no contact as a game, to play on the insecurities of other people. It's cruel when used as manipulation for personal gain. I'm confused. I see No Contact as a necessary measure precisely when you aren't prepared to move on but the decision is not yours to make. When you feel like you can't move on but you're out of options because your ex won't take you back or keeps hurting you. Whether you go into it hoping they come back or with a sincere desire to heal doesn't matter at some point because if you stay in it long enough you will eventually start to feel better.
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