writergal Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 This week I developed a bad viral flu that left me quite ill to say the least. Well, I had a contact relapse moment with my ex-boyfriend, sending him a text in the early hours of the morning. Of course I regret it afterwards because it was such an impulsive act. I can't even blame it on my high fever or lack of solid foods as much as I want to. I know why I texted him: I was reaching out because I felt needy and lonely with being so ill, and living alone. Of course I don't expect a response that would be ridiculous. And it's not like I don't have a well established support network of good friends in my life already because I do. In the text I basically kept it short: "I"m glad you're happy again. I'm really sorry for everything. I will always regret losing you." Short-term-wise I had a good cry which actually helped me get some sleep. Long-term-wise, I wish I had better 20/20 vision and possessed the ability to be more proactive and less reactive with my relationships. I know my ex-boyfriend is not the only man out there and that I can find someone else. The point being, in my vulnerable state of being ill, I knew texting him was a mistake but I did it anyway. Why do I do this to myself? I knew I wasn't going to get a response but I still went ahead with it. My need to be attached seems to over-ride my rational mind even moreso when I'm at home with a viral flu that has me sleepless, feverish, and visiting the bathroom more times than I care to recall.
kizik Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Why do I do this to myself? I think you answer yourself here: I know why I texted him: I was reaching out because I felt needy and lonely with being so ill, and living alone.
Author writergal Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 Kizik, haven't you ever made the same mistake with an ex before? Of all the people I could have texted at that moment, why did I think my ex-boyfriend was the best choice? He rejected me and has moved on with his life. Why can't I? Don't you think it's immature what I did? I think so.
kizik Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It's not a mistake. You need to forgive yourself. You're beating yourself up for LOVING somebody. Does that make any sense to you? Is there anything wrong with caring for, and loving someone?
drummerprince81 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Don't feel bad about what you did. Like you said, it helped you get to sleep. I for one, have forgotten how to sleep at the moment. We all do stuff we regret in moments of weakness and I think everybody makes mistakes. Nobody really knows how to handle break-ups and the time apart perfectly and if they did, they'd be selling their book down the street so everybody could read it in advance of any impending break-up. And what you said was nice. I totally agree with Kizik's analogy. Loving someone is the biggest thing you can do for them.
playlislay Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Ha! This reminded of me last week..........I had the flu and I felt soooo needy. I need a hug, I needed him. I cried my heart out knowing that this is the time when I really needed him. It brought back floods of memories, like the time when I nursed him when he was ill. I just remember him laying in my bed, with the man flu, crying his eyes out and needing a cuddle-awwwww. ( So yes, I was temtped to call him, text him, reach out to him anyway possible to let him know that I needed him and I need him NOW! Luckily I didnt )
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I broke up with my ex in September and asked him not to contact me. On Thanksgiving, which I would have spent with him and his nice family in his hometown, I sent him a nice "closure" text telling him that in spite of our problems I was thankful for the good times we had, and he texted something similar back. I kicked myself over that stupid text for months. But whatever. I'm human. I rationalized to myself that I was "opening the door I had been holding closed", but it didn't turn out like that. In the end, I had to let it go. That's been my only contact in more than six months, which is not too bad. You had a weak and vulnerable moment. It happens. You're human. Just let it go and move forward.
nature Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Writer..how do you know he's happy? Perhaps in the text you sent him, you insinuated that he was happy and that you were ok with it. Perhaps that is why he has not contacted you. Maybe he's not happy? But maybe he thinks he's supposed to pretend to be, so that's why he's not contacted you. Maybe he assumed you're happy and have moved on, from the text you sent him?
Author writergal Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 Nature, because my ex told me when I called him 3 weeks ago. I asked him how he was doing, and he responded that he was happy again. So, I chickened out telling him that I still missed him, that I regret the way our relationship ended and still care for him. I figured, he's already happy again so I must not have meant anything to him at all. Feelings don't go away for me, because I still have feelings of love for him. However, it's unrequited love (sappy, I know) because if my ex-boyfriend felt the same way, he'd have contacted me on his own. And it's always been one-sided contact from me, unfortunately. He broke up with me. I contacted him 3 times. So that makes me look as though I'm chasing him, which I was...the fact that he answered my initial phone call led me to believe it was okay to contact him again, although he never called me after that. So, this text I sent, I think I sent for my own peace of mind. I imagine he read my text message this morning, deleted it and went about his day not giving it a second thought. He did that with his previous girlfriend, when she sent him several emails and text messages. He called her a "redneck" and told me he had stayed with her for 5 months because he was lonely, and broke up with her once she asked him to move in with her. So, you can see I'm not holding out my hopes too realistically for this guy to contact me again. Although some delusional part of me believes I had a different impact on him somehow. But I will never know, will I? When he broke up with me, he never validated his feelings about our relationship to me. He never said "I love you but your snooping really hurt me," He just said "It's over. I don't want to deal with your trust issues. Why does it always have to be about you?" So, I texted what I had been wanting to say to him for a few months now. And I have to let him go. But it's really difficult when you give yourself 100% to someone and they completely reject you. It's hard to recover from that quickly.
Author writergal Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 Now that I realize it, since I was the 2nd woman he dated since his divorce, I probably wasn't patient enough with him in allowing him to sort out his feelings in how to be in a real relationship with me, and when I jumped the gun and became suspicious of him, he freaked out and ended things with me because I scared him away? I dunno. I can theorize til the cows come home. If he had told me, I would know the real answer beyond his cryptic, "I don't want to deal with your trust issues" which isn't a reason as much as it is just an excuse of convenience.
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