4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 So, long story short bf and I broke it off last week over an issue regarding LDR and whether we wanted to do it or not. So we both have facebooks and in a fit I took off the "in a relationship with so and so" status and left that slot empty. (God it is all so very childish! but bear with me please). He also changed his status and put it as "single" After a few days we reconciled differences and I added him again as bf but he had to accept the request. Well, by tuesday he hadnt changed it so I kinda jokingly told him he had an ugly status. On Wednesday he told me he hadnt been able to change it because his computer is broken and doing it on the phone was difficult. So today I was looking at his profile and I see he has been on facebook thru his computer, posting links, taking those silly tests, etc...yet no relationship status change. He is still single. I know its silly in a way, but it kinda raised alarm in my head. Is he not sure that he wants to be in a relationship with me so he doesnt want to bother to change that? He was the one to ask me to get back with him, and, though you could argue he just doesnt bother with those silly things he did change it right away when we broke up (after I did). So....what do you make of this? is this something I should be concerned with? As i said i mentioned his status before and he gave me an excuse which proved to be bs....what should I do? For the record, i took mine off completely. It doesnt say whether i am or not in a relationship. God this is so silly...
Star Gazer Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Sounds to me like he's not certain that he won't have to change it again soon. The back-and-forth status change can get embarassing. I know when I changed mine, I got so many questions - people are so nosy! So I don't blame him for not wanting to announce to the world the ever-changing status of his love life.
samiam143 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 My facebook and my bf's facebook both say single. lol
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 yup but see thats the problem. TO begin with we broke up because he wasnt sure he wanted to stay with me and try a LDR. WHen he asked me to get back with him he said he was fully committed and wanted to be with me for sure... I guess he isnt as sure as he wants me to believe.....
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 well well well. When i changed my relationship status to blank i guess he got an email about it because he put on his page "I started out clean but now Im jaded" Oh i dont like the sound/feel of this
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 people are so nosy! Isn't the whole reason you post a status message in the first place is to tell your friends what's up ? I think the whole what his status is thing is just childish.. I think he either wants you to realize that he isn't all in or he just never got around to changing it.. or could care less.. or he is now courting a new girl and changing it to in a relationship would raise a huge flag.. my bet is on the last one
The Collector Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Yes it's silly, he probably doesn't want everyone to have a running commentary on his relationship status. well well well. When i changed my relationship status to blank i guess he got an email about it because he put on his page "I started out clean but now Im jaded" Oh i dont like the sound/feel of this It appears to be from a Matchbox20 song. I'll leave you to decide if the sentiment of the entire song is promising "Bent" And if I fall along the way Pick me up and dust me off And if I get too tired to make it Be my breath so I can walk And if I need some other love then Give me more than I can stand And when my smile gets old and faded Wait around I'll smile again Shouldn't be so complicated Just hold me and then Just hold me again Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me bent And if I couldn't sleep could you sleep Could you paint me better off Could you sympathize with my needs I know you think I need a lot I started out clean but I'm jaded Just phoning it in Just breaking the skin Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me bent Start bending me It's never enough I feel all your pieces Start bending me Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in Shouldn't be so complicated Just touch me and then Just touch me again Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me bent and without understanding Hell, I'll go there again Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together You're breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me bent
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 You know i googled it earlier and read the lyrics... At first it hit me that it totally describes where we are...he is scared about a lot of things and yes he has asked me to stick around.. But reading the ending of the song....it scares me....is he saying if I stick around we're both gonna end up "bent" aka screwed??? beyond confused now
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 He is quoting lyrics from Matchbox 20?? Maybe you should reconsider.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 When I read someone's status and it goes from "in a relationship" to "single" to "its complicated" to "married" and back to single it drives me bananas. (all that was facebook talk) like someone already stated maybe he doesnt want people to keep questioning his relationship status. I mean if someone is changing it then Im sure someone is going to coment on it. . Does it really bother you that he hasnt changed his status?
loser101 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 as an adult it should not matter whether he changed his status
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 like someone already stated maybe he doesnt want people to keep questioning his relationship status. I mean if someone is changing it then Im sure someone is going to coment on it. . Does it really bother you that he hasnt changed his status? Well i wouldnt mind if he had nothing...like the blank option they give. But him stating he is single....it does bother me. At first i sent him that request. Now i just changed mine to blank. IF he wants to change it blank thats fine, because i know of the whole comments and stuff....i dont care...but i dont want to see "single" cuz it makes me wonder.....you know? The whole quoting from the song made me think a lot.... I know what he is going thru....I know its hard, we've discussed it a million times and Ive accepted it....and he knows im willing to stay with him so long as I know he is in it committed as well (hence the whole single crap) Im wondering if he thought my taking off the relationship request meant i was done with him.... God facebook is the devil.
loser101 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 it's only the devil if you don't have the kind of relationship where you can ask him....
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 it's only the devil if you don't have the kind of relationship where you can ask him.... I agree. The relationship resumed from a LDR and a little think like Facebook is already causing distrust between you two. Consider asking yourself why you want to be with him again and what really made you guys break up in the first place.
nelib Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 When I first started out on Facebook...I was in a relationship and so I had that listed and with whom...when we broke up....I took it off and Facebook plastered my single status on everyone's home page. It was very embarassing to say the least. Everyone was sending me messages and trying to find out what happened. And after that experience I like to leave that box empty. I am in a relationship now and I don't have anything listed.
openbook08 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 When I first started out on Facebook...I was in a relationship and so I had that listed and with whom...when we broke up....I took it off and Facebook plastered my single status on everyone's home page. It was very embarassing to say the least. Everyone was sending me messages and trying to find out what happened. And after that experience I like to leave that box empty. I am in a relationship now and I don't have anything listed. and that is why i deleted the bloody thing altogether esp. after the sting i got a few days into our "break" (when we'd agreed not to change anything about our status on FB as i didnt want to have to deal with the q's when , as i thought at the time, there was a possibility this was just a break (deluded!!!!) he changed his to single. and the even bigger sting i got when a week later i see hes "in a rship" with... well , not me!! now, i think the whole thing is ridiculous & if i were to ever reactivate my account i wouldnt bother with stuff like rship status. i understand your anxiety though. hard to call.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 You know that good old advice of talking to your SO about whatever issues that come up in your pretty head??? yeah totally worth its weight in gold. So i sent him a message teasingly telling him how i hated his status. THat night he went on and changed it. I sent him a message saying I was glad he changed it because i was begining to feel slighted. He said I really shouldnt have, that to him the whole facebook thing was more like a game than something to take seriously. I told him that in reality i was just nervous that he might changed his mind about our relationship. He said that he was afraid I would change my mind, but he knows a good thing when he sees it and wont be letting go that easily. Im glad we discussed it, Im glad he clarified...Im glad he is who he is.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 it's only the devil if you don't have the kind of relationship where you can ask him.... yeah...i used to be in a relationship like this for a year and a half, where any question or fear i had which i brought up was immediately shoot down as me being dramatic and too sensitive. Kinda left a scar... Im trying to be more trusting...but its hard. However, as i posted earlier, so far i have yet to be disappointed when I raise any questions or flat out tell him about my fears and insecurities (something i never did ever ever before, especially with the last guy). He is a good man...despite his own issues. (Which we also discuss on Saturday, he explain the Bent song to me...without my prompting...good man) Between the two of us, we got more issue than The Times. But i think we both want to have a good relationship and we're both going on a limb hoping the other isnt like the ones before... I hope we're not.
2sunny Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 sounds like grade school... "she/he won't play by the rules/MY rules. so i don't think i want to play anymore! how old are you both? and why would this matter at all if you are considering the bigger picture called "life"?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 sounds like grade school... "she/he won't play by the rules/MY rules. so i don't think i want to play anymore! how old are you both? and why would this matter at all if you are considering the bigger picture called "life"? Pure simple insecurity....such a pain to deal with....
Trimmer Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Aside from the obvious solution of not posting your relationship status at all if you don't want people to know about it - either its current state or any subsequent changes - there's another possibility: from the menu bar across the top, select "Settings" then "Privacy" (or "Privacy - manage") then "News Feed and Wall" Then you can uncheck various options, like "Allow Highlights to show my activity when I..... change relationship status." I've also unchecked "Also show Recent Activity when I... Remove profile info." In theory, you can alter and change your relationship status, and although the changed status will show in your profile, it won't get actively "advertised" to your friends. But again, why not just remove it, if you're sensitive to it. Just because FB provides it doesn't mean you have to broadcast your status. Only put it out there if you want people to konw it. You take control.
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