Nikki Sahagin Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 After recent events leading me to question my relationship and whether I should remain in it or leave (I don't even know why i'm asking myself this question), I wonder....can love withstand anything? As in can you love someone so blindly, so dangerously, so obsessively, that they can cheat, lie, beat you, hurt you...and you don't even walk away? You trap yourself. And WHY? Why do we do this? What makes us stay? Is it the 'rose-tinted' glasses of love? Is it because we are afraid or too weak? Is it because they have broken us down so much?
blair08 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 To me love is a powerful thing...but IMO I do NOT feel it can withstand just anything... Abuse of any kind of to me is not love for example...and people who choose to stay in certain situations that are not good for them, may not have a real clear definition of what a healthy love is. If they did , they would love themselves first of all, enough to get out of a situation that was simply toxic.
SaffronBlu Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I believe that love can withstand anything, but I say this in terms of adversity from society and parents. The relationship I am in now is surviving due to mutual agreement from my partner and I that we can overcome our respective religious, cultural and ethnic backgrounds and still make it work. But the love that can harm you is not love. Love is being used as a weapon to keep you in a bad relationship, to hurt you and maim you so you believe that it is love. You are being blinded. Real, pure and true love will not be used to hurt you physically, emotionally or mentally. And if it then it is not love.
JackJack Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 To me, the only time love can withstand anything, would be if the two people involved really wanted it to, by working on what they need to in order for the relationship to survive. However, if there is abuse or if its just a very unhealthy and toxic situation, then love has very little to do with helping it to have a chance. In those situations, love probably will not withstand.
holiday Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Nikki, What you describe is not love--it is addiction. What you refer to happens when we become addicted to a person, which is not love. Just like with drugs or cigarettes. People know bad they are, but many can't stop using these substances. Some ways to know that love has become addiction (and is therefore no longer healthy, only self-destructive): --you feel panic at the thought of having to breakup or panic when you do breakup for awhile because you can't imagine life being worth living without that person. You may actually have physical withdrawal symptoms (I did. Lost 15 lbs after getting out of an addictive relationship. I stopped sleeping and was constantly nauseous.) --you KNOW everything is wrong and destructive and you don't care. You say "I will let this kill me before I let it go." --the good part! You feel relief and liberation when you've finally gotten away and over it--like many people feel when they've quit smoking and REALLY don't want to smoke ever again. They can't believe they were ever smokers and are so happy to be non smokers, just as I can't believe I was ever addicted to this person who was awful to me. If this is your relationship, you may want to think about getting out.
Circe Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I think people stay in unhealthy relationships for all kinds of reasons they're not willing to own up to and the word "love" ends up becoming the catchall excuse for it. When you LOVE someone you want them to be the best person they can be. Cheating, lying, beating people up, emotionally abusing them ... it's undeniable that someone doing those things is not at their best. If I was in love with someone who was doing those things, I would first try to get them help. Barring that, I would get out of the relationship hoping that losing me would at least help the person figure out their negative behavior had caused me to leave. People stay in abusive relationships not because of love, but because of fear. They are afraid what will happen if they lose the benefits of the relationship. It's not love, but a form of dependency.
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