WIN3S Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 my boyfriend and I have been going out for a year, in the beginning of our relationship we were extremely open with each other (still are) in the sense that we talked about our previous relationships in order to get to know each other better. At first I didn't find his exes intimidating for that I wasn't too attached to him like I am now, emotionally speaking. He had a few albums of photographs of he and his ex girlfriend snuggling and going out to dinners family functions, etc things on his computer. Since he and her had a 2 years long relationship they had alot of pictures, and I saw all of them and even though I didn't find her all that attractive he told mee he did. We exchanged stories about our exes and he said since he is strong he isn't insecure about my exes as long as I am no longer speaking with them, etc. And I told him the same. So the talk increased, stories on guys hitting on her and her good looking exes, how guys would chase her all these stories to convince mee of her being attractive (I kept saying she is unattractive, so he told mee he had told mee all those stories to show mee that she is hot, and he dates hot girls, and I am hot as well since I fall into this list) After awhile however, all his old talk about her sank into my head and started bothering mee making mee feel extremely insecure about myself. His ex is smart, the top student in her faculty, talented, she had performed dance on television several times and is a tae kwon do black belt among other talents. I have a few talents myself but I just feel so feeble against her much-notched-belt. I gained this crazy paranoia around her, and even though I know they're not together anymore and aren't speaking or anything I still feel intimidated by her. he had told mee once that she was an ambitious pre-med student heading on to becoming a surgeon or a doctor, so she wanted him to cater to her needs and move with her to anywhere her job might lead her. My boyfriend is ambitious as well, and he is an engineering student so he didn't like the idea of being a "house wife" so thats when they started having problems and eventually fell apart. He started seeing mee afterwards and I am in Arts and Sciences and even though I am ambitious, I feel I'm not as dominant and would be a "compliment" to my boyfriend's schedule and life plans compared to her. This also makes mee feel like he is only dating mee because I am less well-accomplished and ambitious than her, so he's dating mee because he thinks I'd cater to his needs. Am I just insecure... Link to post Share on other sites
Firenza Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 He isnt talking to her anymore, so what's the problem? If it bothers you so much talking about his ex, avoid that kind of topic. There's isnt any point in messing with the past, you're just comparing yourself to this other normal girl that you put on a pedestal for some reason. And you're just reminding him of her. You're great, he's with you, so stop being insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WIN3S Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 yeah thats true, but it's like I wonder if he's with mee only because he couldn't be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 You should be reassured that career smart people often see the good things in smart people who are differently oriented. I have a couple of doctorates and have done some quite cool things. I fell for a bleach blond hairdresser/trail guide. And she's still here, and I still love her. I wouldn't sweat it. But I'd stop talking about exes! Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 The word is "me". You have got to let go of this obession with his ex-girlfriends. You are going to kill the relationship with all of this stuff. What are you doing to try to get over these insecurities and this obsession? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Why do you use the word mee, instead of me? He is with you and not her, that should be encouragement enough! I never discuss ex's with bf's.... Ex's are in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WIN3S Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 well I just keep thinking he is only with me becuase he couldn't get with her, I've lately made new discoveries of my newly made friends that he's asked out in the past. They told mee that they rejected him and things like that it just gets me down because I feel like I'm eating other people's left overs. Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Time to move on. It sounds like you are never going to be happy with him. You'll keep cycling between feeling inadequate to his ex and superior to him because others rejected him. Link to post Share on other sites
Moccasin Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I am having insecurities in my relationship as well. If you look at from another perspective... Everyone moves on from an ex and onto a new relationship. So of course he is dating you... but because he has moved on from his previous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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