carrots Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 So, I posted a few days ago about this... here's some more information... (And some background info, too) My ex boyfriend and I were together on and off for four years. We broke up for reasons that I felt responsible for. I became more emotional than necessary and I was also insecure-the typical "push him away" reasons. I completely understood and I have since made huge progress on getting emotionally healthy and while I miss him, I am coping and doing well. We had NC for 5 months. He is the one who ended up contacting me. He has since started seeing someone else but insists on being my friend. He calls me and makes plans in advance to hang out. When we do, It is nice and comfortable. Until he talks about his new girlfriend. Of course I want him back. But I know that he has moved on and it seems hopeless. Being friends with him is not easy-I don't tell him want him back...I just treat him and myself with respect and I love my new-found confidence. As long as he is with her I now I have no chance. It is strange that he calls me so often, though. The other kicker-the other woman is married. This is something that I have a huge problem with. It's his life and his choice and I cannot really tell him how I feel. I have secret hopes that things won't work out-it's not exactly an ideal relationship-but I also don't want to be his second choice if things don't work out with her. This is more complicated than I thought.... I can't 'make' someone fall in love with me. Many have said that if he loved me once he can love me again. I am making an effort to date others-I know that I cannot wait for him forever and it's not fair to put my life on hold for him. But I wonder if there could be a chance. And if so, what can I do to make that happen?
seibert253 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 If you don't agree with what he's doing, do you think the other women's husband does? Do you think her husband has a right to know what's going on? If I were him, I'd want to know if my wife was "spending time" with another man. If you know who the other women's husband is, or have a way to find out, I'd let him know what's going on. Unless the women's husband is into this type of thing, I guarantee you that after the husband confronts his wife, and lays the smackdown, she'll throw your ex under the bus. Then you can try again with your ex. Sneeky, but effective.
Author carrots Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 That's one way of doing it-but I don't think it's my place to get involved. I don't know her or her husband, anyway. Nor would I want any harm to come to my ex. I disagree with what he's doing, but I love him and I know that he might get hurt if he was caught. There really is no easy answer to this.
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