shadowplay Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 My life has been going well in most respects since I finally cut the cord with my ex. My academics have improved, I'm constantly busy,I'm being very productive and overcoming many of my bad habits. Also, I finally got on ADD medication. But whenever I have a moment to just reflect, with nothing to distract me, I realize that I am miserable. The worst is coming home to an empty house and room. At night, alone in my room, the pain takes over. Noticing other attractive men is a bittersweet feeling, but mostly bitter. The tiny shred of hope I get admiring them is quickly followed by a sharp pain, especially if they have something in their appearance that reminds me of his. I remember my love for him and how he hurt me. I also think of all men as potential rejectors. It's like admiring something beautiful behind a glass case that you know you can never touch. I just wish the feelings would go away. I wish I could be indifferent to him. I wish there weren't cute guys everywhere to make me feel unworthy. I keep trying to distract myself, but there's only so much I can do. Triggers abound. How do you deal with stuff out of your control that sends you into an emotional tizzy?
Beautiful Inside Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 first off im taking it your ex was a good looking guy?... any ways ive told all my friends and family if my relationship im in now doesn't for whatever reason work out i swear on everything that the next person i date will be based solely on personality....nothing else just cause looks go away eventually and all you have left is the person next to you in bed and how they make you feel. i rather have someone that is loving caring honest and faithful then constantly deal with pricks that cheat or do what they want just cause they think they have some kind of le way cause of their looks im sick of guys like that. i think everything happens for a reason and i think your ex was meant to be in your life for a certain point and thats it and i believe you'll have someone new and things will be better for you
messed-mind Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I know these feeling too, it's horrible. After 5 years with someone and experiencing a terrible and acrimonious breakup, I eventually started to enjoy being single and being able to do new things whenever I wanted. I was like you, I kept busy and had quite a varied life. However, I found the mentally "quiet" times, like night time mostly, to be very hard. My brain sort of switched into a day dreaming mode about my ex and I started to dwell on things. The girls I met and dated after her just reminded me of her, or I compared them all to her. I realised that it was all part of the healing, and that I really wasn't ready to move on, or hadn't met anyone worthwhile. Gradually in time, I did start to have feelings for other people and eventually didn't have a single thought for my ex . What I would say was that it took me a lot of effort and time to get back on the horse, but I got there.
EmperorR Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 first off im taking it your ex was a good looking guy?... any ways ive told all my friends and family if my relationship im in now doesn't for whatever reason work out i swear on everything that the next person i date will be based solely on personality....nothing else just cause looks go away eventually and all you have left is the person next to you in bed and how they make you feel. i rather have someone that is loving caring honest and faithful then constantly deal with pricks that cheat or do what they want just cause they think they have some kind of le way cause of their looks im sick of guys like that. i think everything happens for a reason and i think your ex was meant to be in your life for a certain point and thats it and i believe you'll have someone new and things will be better for you I said the same thing, and you want to know what? I got left and dumped and kicked to the curb as well. My ex fiancee looked like a model, but a horrible personality, got cheated on and left. My ex now was chubby, overweight, maybe a little fat whatever you want to call it, but a great personality the first time in my life I never went based on looks, and eh after 3 months got dumped as well. But to the OP, I know exactly what your feeling, whenever I would see a girl that looked like my ex it would tear me up inside,its like I knew if I got with them they would probably cheat and leave me in a heap, I know its wrong to think that but the mind plays horrible scenarios in your mind. Heck i was even scared to date, even scared to look at or talk to any girls, especially now after being burnt back to back, both times I did nothing wrong, but got the "your a great nice guy crap. I'm starting to think maybe its me it cant be a coincidence right. So to get things in order for me, I;m on a 90 day fast, no talking to any new women,no seeking out any new women and just working on me myself and I As people say you have to love like you neer loved before etc. etc., Not all men are vile and will reject you, same as in my boat not all women will betray me and kick me to the curb, we just have to heal get beyond this and when were ready, things have a funny way of working out.
kizik Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Noticing other attractive men is a bittersweet feeling, but mostly bitter. The tiny shred of hope I get admiring them is quickly followed by a sharp pain, especially if they have something in their appearance that reminds me of his. I remember my love for him and how he hurt me. You basically just verbalized my day-to-day. It's hard as a guy especially, b/c you women simply have to choose to respond or not to a guy's advances... whereas we dudes are responsible for alllll the initiation of conversation, flirtation, etc. Anyway, I see my ex in a lot of girls. What's worse is that I've seen her, three times to be exact. There's no escaping it. Sometimes I wonder if what people say is true... that you can only truly get over someone once you have a new S.O. to keep your mind and attention on. How do you deal with stuff out of your control that sends you into an emotional tizzy? For me, what I did after seeing her - and not just reminders of her, or people who look like her - is to sit and breathe deeply. Collect my thoughts. Just breathe and sit and think. Usually I bounce back after 10 minutes to a half hour. Shadowplay, what about meeting some new men? It can't be that hard for a girl. Can it?
EmperorR Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Anyway, I see my ex in a lot of girls. What's worse is that I've seen her, three times to be exact. There's no escaping it. Sometimes I wonder if what people say is true... that you can only truly get over someone once you have a new S.O. to keep your mind and attention on. I never got over my ex till I was with someone new but I still though about my ex alot, funny now though that I was dumped, I don't think about my ex fiance, only the latest girl that dumped me, strange.
holiday Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Shadowplay, Be glad you see cute guys! Be glad you have the ability to find other men attractive. I think that says a lot. I envy you. I haven't seen an attractive guy in many, many months and I'm starting think it's me and my perception of men. This is one of the reasons I still miss my ex. I can't seem to find men attractive. When I go out I look around and hope no guy talks to me because I find them mostly repulsive! I deal with "emotional stuff out of my control" by reminding myself that whatever bad feeling I'm having will pass. It won't last forever, I just have to ride it out and wait for it to lift.
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