Jolena9 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Anyone have to deal with people in their lives dead set against them getting back together with an ex? if my ex and I do get back together, both his and my family will flip out and my friends have already said they wouldn't want to be around him. I'm sure the feeling is mutual with his friends when it comes to me. On both sides, the negativity is because we love each other so much that we hurt each other very badly when we are apart that they are scared to see us go through it again. Anyway, I just wanted to see how others dealt with it.
not_a_happy_camper Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 hi Jolena, I'm in a similar situation, so I'd like to hear people's perspective here too! my ex broke up with me in November. He behaved stupidly, and had taken me for granted towards the end of the relationship. I was already going through a sh*t time with unemployment, and my father was ill, and everything heaped together, he broke up with me, and I fell apart. I'm way stronger now. I know I had part in the break-up due to my own behaviour too, but at the time I blamed so much of it on him. In front of my family and friends, which I regret. Especially now, since we are trying to make a go of things. I'm fluctuating a lot in my feelings for him. I was wondering if they'd truly come back, but they're simmering slowly at the moment, and getting stronger. He does appear to be truly sorry. Bit by bit, we are getting through the issues that caused the break-up. ONe of them being that he has a temper, and anytime I tried to confront him on issues I was unhappy about, he got angry because he thought things were ok. In the end a lot of the time, when we fought, the originial issue was lost in the heat of the argument, just because we didn't like the tone! He's really listening to me now, and trying to understand where I"m coming from. ONly in the last week mind, but it's positive! Unfortunately, my family are unhappy. The attitude is that it's my life, I have to live it, but they'd rather I lived it differently, that I deserve better. I know he broke up with me. I know I deserved better behaviour. But I also know I could have behaved better, and I know how much he regrets his actions. my main regret is that we couldn't resolve things at the time, that I felt things were unfinished. If things don't work out this time, I know I'll be ok. This was my first relationship and breakup. I was devastated, didn't think I'd ever get this far. If it happens again, at least I know there's light at the end of the tunnel! And my questions will have been answered. The family don't seem to see that though! they're more of the tough love variety, he dumped you, don't ever take him back. I can see where they're coming from, but this is something I have to learn for myself, regardless of what others say. But it does make it difficult knowing those around you aren't happy for you. It does influence your own thinking on the matter. And wondering if things do work out, what's it going to be like when ex meets family again, how awkward will it be, will they accept him, will he make a huge effort to bridge the gap? etc, etc! I'd also love to see what others have to say on this! if there is any positive story, that would be great!
Aerorobyn Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 IF my ex and I were to ever get back together (which is about a .000001% chance, from the way I see it)... Well, I think my grandmother wouldn't like the idea at first. But that's just because she's the one I've been talking to the most about all of this (she's the only woman I really trust to go to for advice on things). As for the men in my family...dad, brothers, grandfather...I know they don't want to see me go through the hurt again, but I don't think any of them are opposed to the idea of my ex and I getting back together, because they always thought we made a cute couple. My ex's family...I don't know what his sister or mom thinks. All I know is what his dad and older brother have told him. His dad told him that he (my ex) needs to do whats best for himself in the end, whether it be with or without me. His brother told him that if he misses me and wants me that much, to just suck it up and come back to me.
ameeker Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I totally relate. My parents were part of why we couldn't work it out (it added to all the other negative stuff we had going at the time), and he made it clear to me that he hates my parents, perhaps more than he loves me.
brokenglass Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 As with Aerorobyn, if my ex and I got back together, which is also has a very small chance of happening, I imagine her parents would be very displeased with the situation, at least right now. With my situation, I am trying to reach out to them and reconcile with them as well. I went far too long in the relationship without trying to connect properly with her father and step-mother, its something I regret every single morning I've woken up for the past 3-4 months. I was totally scared and afraid they'd reject or not love me... As for friends, if they are friends they will deal with whatever decisions you make and act accordingly. Family is salvageable in my opinion. There are going to be people either way that never accept it but if it makes you both happy again, even happier than before and more compatible, more loving, more understanding of eachother, then what does it matter?
bean1 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Friends, family, and other outsiders see things for what they really are whereas people who are in a relationship have clouded judgement based on emotion. It's a mistake to disregard those people's opinions, considering they want what is best for you. Think of all the ridiculous posts you've read here and thought "DUH! Isn't it obvious!!??" but the poster is oblivious.
ameeker Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 First off, I don't blame anyone. However, the relationship between my ex and my parents are almost unsalvageable. What happened is that I thought badly of my parents and told my boyfriend. They didn't like him because he had a low paying job, and they thought he was taking advantage of me. So my boyfriend didn't like them because I didn't like them, but my parents didn't like my boyfriend because they didn't think he was good for me. So both sides don't like each other and it's because they like me. Then I broke up with my boyfriend and fixed the relationship with my parents, but I also want to fix the relationship with him now. I don't know what to do about the relationship between them because my parents see him as someone I left and he sees them as the cause for my leaving.
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