UCLAMike Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I think she may have been hooking up and dating around a lot during her early 20s. Now she is 25. Is it ok to ask or is it kind of pointless? I don't wanna come off rude or insecure but I wanna know if there's something I should know.
Art_Critic Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 What do you need to know ? Isn't the important stuff whether or not you BOTH have had your STD tests.. While talking about your pasts may sound keen, in the beginning of a relationship it isn't a good idea. All you need to know is your basic stuff about STD testing and birth control.. other than that at this point it isn't any of your business. Although... As time progresses and the relationship matures then you will have the time to talk about your pasts.. but not in detail.. Who wants to hear how some guy could make your GF cum like no other.
blind_otter Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Yuck. I don't want to know what my S/O did in his past. That would only inject rather distasteful images into my brain that would then lead to....bababaBOOM! Retroactive jealousy. Then I would be one of the five trillion people who come to LS to complain about their partner's past, which they were not present for and therefor could not control. Anyways, as a woman, I would be a bit put off if a guy was like, "Sooooo. What sort of sexual past times did you enjoy with men who have previously been all up in your stuff?"
boldjack Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Bruin, It's not inappropriate to ask her about her sexual past, if you make it clear that YOU are willing to divulge YOUR sexual past also. In the era of HIV and other STD's you need to know if there are any health risks involved. But, having said that, be careful what you ask for. You might get more info than you want or need.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 If you want to get into details, don't go there, either now or later. What happens in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom between individuals. If you want numbers, it's your right to know. If someone evades or refuses to answer, they've got something to hide.
moman Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 This causes two problems 1) Don't ask questions that you don't want to answer yourself 2) Don't ask questions where the answer might bother you (i.e. geez I never dated a girl before who had a foursome)
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 If you want to get into details, don't go there, either now or later. What happens in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom between individuals. If you want numbers, it's your right to know. If someone evades or refuses to answer, they've got something to hide. These two statements seem contradictory. In addition, I don't share my numbers, and I don't ask. At the same time, I've got nothing to hide. Her past is her past. There's no need for disclosure about numbers, or what/who she slept with. If he's concerned about STDs, he should be concerned regardless of the number of partners she's had. After all, all it takes is just one sexual occurrence with an infected person to contract an STD. Unless there's something he needs to know to protect his health, there should be no need for disclosure of any kind.
GorillaTheater Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Don't ask. You probably won't like anything she has to say on the subject. Even if she says "you're the best!", you won't likely believe it because you're insecure enough to have to ask about it in the first place. If you're concerned about any whorish tendencies she may have, rest assured that they'll manifest themselves soon enough without you having to ask about them.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 These two statements seem contradictory.They're not contradictory in that it's no one's business what positions, etc, that two other people get involved with. In addition, I don't share my numbers, and I don't ask. At the same time, I've got nothing to hide. Her past is her past. There's no need for disclosure about numbers, or what/who she slept with. If he's concerned about STDs, he should be concerned regardless of the number of partners she's had. After all, all it takes is just one sexual occurrence with an infected person to contract an STD. Unless there's something he needs to know to protect his health, there should be no need for disclosure of any kind. You and I will never agree on this point. It's extremely important to some people like myself, someone's numbers. It's my choice whether I'm willing to accept someone with high numbers, as a partner, just like it's your choice to reject someone who isn't a skillful lover.
burningashes Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 If STD's are your concern, simply say that you both need to be tested for your peace of mind. That's really the only thing you should know about on top of birth control.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Yes, ask her. But ask her to provide it in a detailed Power Point presentations with graphs.
Author UCLAMike Posted April 2, 2009 Author Posted April 2, 2009 Don't ask. You probably won't like anything she has to say on the subject. Even if she says "you're the best!", you won't likely believe it because you're insecure enough to have to ask about it in the first place. If you're concerned about any whorish tendencies she may have, rest assured that they'll manifest themselves soon enough without you having to ask about them. This is what I am afraid of. I don't wanna give my heart away to somebody and later get trampled on. It happened to me before.
kdark Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Yes, ask her. But ask her to provide it in a detailed Power Point presentations with graphs. Don't forget the piecharts...
GorillaTheater Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 This is what I am afraid of. I don't wanna give my heart away to somebody and later get trampled on. It happened to me before. Well, there are a couple of things in play here: 1) Any time you enter a relationship, you have to understand that odds are it'll end at some point. But you enter into one anyways because you figure the good will outweigh the bad. And that'll probably be the case, so it's okay to put your heart on the line (within reason). Hell, even the bad relationships teach you alot about yourself. 2) That said, this girl ain't the old girl. Don't saddle her with the baggage that the old girl laid on you. I don't know how long you've been together, but presuming it's been a little while, she's entitled to your trust until it's proven that she doesn't deserve it. If you don't trust her, for any reason or no reason, hang it up because the relationship will not work. Forget about men in her past. It's a clean slate with both of you once you get together.
GorillaTheater Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I just saw your other post. This girl is one month out of a three year relationship. Your problem isn't the possibility of any whorish tendencies on her part, it's the fact that you are almost certainly a rebound guy. Better buckle up, man. It's probably going to get rough.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Damn duke, I'll be shot before I'm the rebound kid. **** that.
PinkKittyKat Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I don't think it's inappropriate to ask.... just make sure you're ready to hear anything. My bf asked about my past and was pretty about it for a bit. He especially didn't like when he specifically asked about M/M/F threesomes and I (*gasp*) answered honestly. It was like word for word Holden in the scene from "Chasing Amy", I'm not even kidding. And this, from a guy who SAW that movie and criticized Holden for being such a tool! I pointed out his hypocrisy and he was sort of embarrassed and apologized. When the numbers are very different than your own it's easy to get insecure. Be prepared.
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Don't ask her about it, man. The only thing it is your business to know is if she's been tested and is clean. You probably won't want to hear what she tells you...and here's the kicker: She probably will gloss over some stuff. So you not only will know about her M/F/M, but you'll be wondering if it was 5 guys instead of 2! Keep the past where it belongs.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Don't forget the piecharts... Excellent. You've done this before haven't you.
PinkKittyKat Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Don't ask her about it, man. The only thing it is your business to know is if she's been tested and is clean. You probably won't want to hear what she tells you...and here's the kicker: She probably will gloss over some stuff. So you not only will know about her M/F/M, but you'll be wondering if it was 5 guys instead of 2! Keep the past where it belongs. How did you know!? Hahaha j/k LOL
Isolde Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 While it's not wrong, I wouldn't enjoy being asked for numbers, even though mine is extremely low. I think people deserve to know whether their partner has been with a few or many, but exact numbers, that's kinda unnecessary IMO.
MN randomguy Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I think you have to know enough to know that she's clean. If you don't any woman after it you're like, well I should be clean, but I was with this girl for a few months.... You don't want graphic depictions of how she was with these guys.
D-Lish Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I think you have to know enough to know that she's clean. If you don't any woman after it you're like, well I should be clean, but I was with this girl for a few months.... You don't want graphic depictions of how she was with these guys. You can't know such a thing unless you exchange test results. You can't rely on judgement- because ANYONE can get an std... even from one encounter, or from being with one person before you came along. I wouldn't give a bf details of my past- or numbers either. Mostly because I know most guys are so judgemental about it.
PinkKittyKat Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 You can't know such a thing unless you exchange test results. You can't rely on judgement- because ANYONE can get an std... even from one encounter, or from being with one person before you came along. I wouldn't give a bf details of my past- or numbers either. Mostly because I know most guys are so judgemental about it. Yeah, you don't need to have been with many people to have an STD. All it takes is one person.
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