For those who have successfully reconciled, but thought you'd never have the chance..

[Aerorobyn]

For those of you who have successfully reconciled--whether it be a recent reconciliation, or one from twenty years ago:

 

Did you ever think, at any point during the breakup, that you would never reconcile because you had already begged and pleaded too much? Or because the dumper said (s)he didn't have feelings for you, wanted space, etc?

 

How long did it take before reconciliation happened? Who initiated "getting back together"--the dumper or dumpee?

 

 

I'm just looking for some good stories! I'm almost certain that my ex wont come back, which I'm fine with if he doesn't...there are other men. However, maybe there's a chance I could prove myself wrong in the end? Either way, I'll be fine and happy in the end! I just like to hear/see encouraging stories!!!

We've only been apart for about three weeks though. First couple of weeks were with LC (every time I spoke to him, I'd beg and plead...never worked...he got very irritated at me). Now, for the past 5 days or so, I've been in NC with him.

[flash582]

Robyn

 

For me it was I who generally did the reconciling, and the forgiving.

 

Then I changed. I learned a lot about myself, and kicked the low self esteem. The last time I got cheated on ... was the last time.

 

She was history, and still is.

 

I don't tolerate that type of behavior in my life. And I don't need to.

 

Once I discovered my self worth, and my confidence, a whole new world opened up for me. A world where you have your choice of potential mates and can make intelligent decisions based on what is best for you.

 

The problem, Robyn, with NC .... is that it does make them want to come back .... and, at least in my case, you can't get rid of them after that. They are always out there in the wings, wanting to get back together, because they messed up the best thing that ever happened to them, etc, etc, etc. God it gets annoying ... even after 10 years .... it's still annoying.

 

I would ask you this .... why do you want him back?

 

You're gorgeous, young, and obviously intelligent. You can have your pick of fish in the sea. Tell him to go pound sand.

[lonelypiscesguy]

You know, in my limited experience, the one that does the 'begging and pleading' is usually the sweetheart in the relationship. I had an on/off thing with my ex GF, but ultimately, is was a disaster. She lied to me the entire time and finally got caught cheating, so I was done with her after that, very happily I might add.

Look, if you believe this guy is really worth losing your dignity over, then you may get him back. But at what cost? People do get back together all the time and I don't believe the odds are as slim as a lot of people think, and I believe SOME of those work for the long-haul. My ex broke-up with me last Wednesday, and I agonized up until this morning, when I realized there would still be the same difficulties (LDR, her recovery and bipolar issues, her game-playing, MY selfishness issues, etc!) Just try to move on, sweetheart. You know you'll thank yourself later. Sorry if this hasn't helped.

[Aerorobyn]

Flash,

 

Thanks for that response.

 

From what I've read though, NC gives two possible options: (1) They come back and want to reconcile; (2) They let go and never look back.

 

To be honest, I think my ex will follow Option 2. He already told me that he was never coming back...and if we ever did get back together, it would be when he's 30 or older, because he prefers to lead a life of solitude, with occasional "beer outings" with his buds.

 

I know it has only been three weeks since our breakup, but I truly have found a lot more in myself during that time. When I was with my ex, I lost myself, lost my independence, stopped doing things I enjoy, etc. It wasn't all his fault, part was mine, but I also feel that he played a role in it (he was/is VERY insecure, and he constantly clung to me...the only other socialization he had was with guy friends he had known since elementary school).

 

To answer your question: Why would I want him back?

Well...I enjoyed the moments we spent together. I got tired of his clingy attitude, yes, but I feel that is a minor problem that can be fixed with counseling. Despite things he has said and done, I do love him. Honestly, he was the only one I ever saw when we were in a room full of people. I've learned so much about him over the past two years, as he did me--but it's like one day he was this guy I had known all along, and the next day he was ending things and acting like a jerk (he had turned into someone completely unknown to me overnight).

[Aerorobyn]

You know, in my limited experience, the one that does the 'begging and pleading' is usually the sweetheart in the relationship. I had an on/off thing with my ex GF, but ultimately, is was a disaster. She lied to me the entire time and finally got caught cheating, so I was done with her after that, very happily I might add.

Look, if you believe this guy is really worth losing your dignity over, then you may get him back. But at what cost? People do get back together all the time and I don't believe the odds are as slim as a lot of people think, and I believe SOME of those work for the long-haul. My ex broke-up with me last Wednesday, and I agonized up until this morning, when I realized there would still be the same difficulties (LDR, her recovery and bipolar issues, her game-playing, MY selfishness issues, etc!) Just try to move on, sweetheart. You know you'll thank yourself later. Sorry if this hasn't helped.

 

Thanks! It did help, I love hearing different perspectives on things like this.

 

To be honest, I think I am healing/moving on pretty well. I no longer feel the urge to pick up the phone and call him. I don't feel the need to go to all of those places we used to go to when we were together (if I do go, it's because I want to...not because of memories we shared there).

 

Overall, I'd say I'm pretty happy. And yes, there are other men out there...but before I even met my ex, I was happily single and independent--I wasn't looking for anyone. He was an exception though: I fell madly in love! Now that we're over though, I'm going back to what I was before I met him...I'm not looking for love or a partner, I like my independence. The only exception at this point, however, would be for him (maybe).

[flash582]

Well ... Stay NC then. When you do run into him make damn sure you don't give him the "puppy dog" eyes and ask anything about him. If he thinks you've moved on ... that's when the magic happens.

 

Start dating (even though you don't feel like it) .. nothing serious, just for fun stuff .... get out of the house, go to church, stuff like that.

 

You may be surprised.

 

Best wishes and good luck.

[Aerorobyn]

Getting out of the house seems to be the only thing I can do. I hate sitting here! Unless I have to be here to study for tests, which I should be doing.

 

I actually had class with him on Tuesday. I think I did things alright...I didn't even look at him once during the class like I usually do. I think I may have hurt his feelings to an extent.

[lonelypiscesguy]

And just to be fair to my last GF, the one that broke-up with me Weds, she wasn't the lying cheater, she was the GF before this one. I will always hold out hope that we can still be friends, and I think we will eventually. She truly has a good heart and I wish her nothing but joy in her life and I hope she finds the guy she can be happy with forever. The GF before her? Oh, don't let me get started! I have no time for a lying cheater. Just had to clarify, for my peace of mind.

[Jay34]

i think some people end it in hopes that the other person will change and others who have just had enough.

 

i agree lots of people get back together, but does it work..... that i don't know....

 

and i think though most people say to move on i think if someone was a true love or very strong love, or a first love that they won't ever forget you and i mean forever.

 

the less you hold on to hope the better chance you have it seems like, the begging, pleading only pushes the other person away...

 

i think second chances are most likely to work years after if there were external factors and not factors with the person, like circumstances, but even then people change a lot, who really knows anyways.