knm750 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I need some advise. last night my wife told me she was going to dinner with coworkers.I thought she would be home after that.Well she called me at 5:30 to tell me she was at the resturant and she would call later.Well 8:45 and no call.So i called her and she was with her friends and she would call me back.She did but didnt say what she was doing. 9:30 hadnt heard anything so i called again and she said she would be on the way.10:45 she finally gets home but im alseep somewhat.So this morning im kinda upset about last night so i ask her what she was doing.She said she went to walmart and kohles with her girlfriends.I told her she could have called me to let me know that and she went off and got real defensive.I wasnt trying to argue but i wanted her to know that it pissed me off.so now were not speaking.My question am i wrong or going about in a strange way.
2sure Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 She went to dinner and shopping after work with friends. She was gone from 5:30pm to 10:45pm. approx. 5 hours. You called her several times and spoke to her. For what? To be called and questioned like (by an adult) that would be .... irritating to say the least.
Constantine Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Agree with 2sure, i bet you wouldnt like it if she called every hour if you where at the pub with your friends?
imagine Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 No problem. Please set you parameters more clearly in future.
liveandlove Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Sometimes things happen, people get distracted and forget to call. Maybe if you approached it more like you get worried something's happened to her when she doesn't call instead of acting angry with her, she wouldn't have gone off on you.
65tr6 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I need some advise. last night my wife told me she was going to dinner with coworkers.I thought she would be home after that.Well she called me at 5:30 to tell me she was at the resturant and she would call later.Well 8:45 and no call.So i called her and she was with her friends and she would call me back.She did but didnt say what she was doing. . op, i am giving to approach this from a different angle here. The fact that you called several times and she didnt bother calling you back is a flag. What is the normal "protocol" when your wife is out for extended period ? I suggest you sit her down and lay your concerns clearly. Also ask her how she felt about you calling and checking on her constantly. May be it is not just this issue alone that could be bothering you both. The fact that you both indulged in major love busting the following morning is not a good sign. That's how resentment starts to build. Dont brush this incident aside. How would you rate your marriage otherwise ?
seibert253 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I don't know man, does she normally ignore your calls? Does she go out with "the girls" regularly or often? I mean with my wife and I, when we call each other, all else stops. Even if it's to say I'm busy right now, I'll call you back. If it were me, red flags waiving all over the place.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Give me a break- she was gone for 5 hours and you called several times like a jealous, controlling husband. She picked up everytime. She was probably trying to have a little bit of freedom and fun with her girlfriends. If my husband or bf did that to me I'd be so irritated. No, you don't have a right to be angry with her. She has a right to be angry with you for questioning her right to go out for a few hours.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Well she called me at 5:30 to tell me she was at the resturant and she would call later. What more information did you need than this? She was home before 11 pm, pretty normal stuff. Were you looking for a reason to pick a fight with her? Mr. Lucky
Queen of Hearts Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah, what you did seemed very controlling and highly annoying. You said "... 8:45 and no call.So i called her and she was with her friends and she would call me back.She did but didnt say what she was doing. 9:30 hadnt heard anything so i called again..." You hadn't heard anything in 45 minutes and are freaking out? Seriously, you need to re-evaluate the situaion.
tami-chan Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Why would she call you back? You already called her several times....besides she probably knew that you would be checking up on her...when her phone rang, her friends probably teased her and told her to answer the phone "it's your probation officer"!
Island Girl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Sorry there seems to be split views here. I think it was weird that you say when she called you back she didn't say where she was. Did you ask her? Because if you did and she didn't answer that's weird - not good. And the fact that she said she was on her way and then wasn't isn't good either. It may just mean that there isn't very clear communication going on. Maybe you should approach it with her by telling her that you wouldn't have kept interrupting her time with her friends if she had just been a little more clear about what her plans were. And you certainly wouldn't want her to worry and say you were on your way but take longer to get home than it should be. Just let her know you would appreciate the same respect.
LonelyTiger Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Spot on IG. Seems to me if she had explained what her plans were before she went out there wouldn't have been a problem here. Asking her to let you know about any change of plan is also perfectly reasonable. I can understand you being concerned. Maybe ringing her that often wasn't ideal but it wouldn't have happened if she had been communicating a little better in the first place.
giotto Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 she was in restaurant with her co-workers, enjoying herself. She finally called back at 10.30 (not that late). Is that not enough? You sound a bit too oppressing to me. Next time, ask her before she goes out and don't call her, unless it's 4 am!
Woggle Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She has the right to hang out and enjoy herself. Stop being so controlling.
Island Girl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 she was in restaurant with her co-workers, enjoying herself. She finally called back at 10.30 (not that late). Is that not enough? You sound a bit too oppressing to me. Next time, asker her before she goes out and don't call her, unless it's 4 am! Are you married? -- If so, happily? Sorry, but if my husband says he's going to dinner after work and nothing else is mentioned he'll SURE be getting a call and long before 4 am. When you get married you do have a responsibility to the other person. That responsibility and mutual respect should be the reason to avoid this kind of behavior.
giotto Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Are you married? -- If so, happily? Sorry, but if my husband says he's going to dinner after work and nothing else is mentioned he'll SURE be getting a call and long before 4 am. When you get married you do have a responsibility to the other person. That responsibility and mutual respect should be the reason to avoid this kind of behavior. I am married. Happily? On and off. What's to do with it? I think the OP had all the info he needed. She was going out with her co-workers to a restaurant. The other day, I went out with my friend and said to my wife we were going to [name of town]. I didn't have to say anything else or give more info. She trusts me. If you need to pester your wife/husband with numerous phone calls, I think you are not respecting your husband's freedom and then there's something wrong with your marriage...
stuckinoz Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I can understand this behavior if your wife- in the past - has given you reason to NOT trust her. Sounds like you don't trust her at all. Perhaps you should re-think letting her go out again....perhaps chain her to a chair, that way you will know exactly where she is every waking moment. I say it was unreasonable for you to keep calling. She told you where she was & whom she was with........ Does she check up on you every hour when you're out?
Dexter Morgan Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She went to dinner and shopping after work with friends. She was gone from 5:30pm to 10:45pm. approx. 5 hours. You called her several times and spoke to her. He called twice. For what? To be called and questioned like (by an adult) that would be .... irritating to say the least. Again, it was only twice. But believe you me...if the shoe were on the other foot, and he would have come home later than expected without so much as a call....she'd be thinking the worst about him.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Give me a break- she was gone for 5 hours and you called several times like a jealous, controlling husband. Again...he called twice. So lets examine the 2 calls: Well 8:45 and no call.So i called her and she was with her friends and she would call me back.She did but didnt say what she was doing. 9:30 hadnt heard anything so i called again Care to indicate anywhere in there where he called her up and accused her of anything or showed any jealousy towards her? She told him she was with friends and she'd call back.....she didn't. So he called her again. If someone I'm with says that they are going to dinner at 5:30, ok....maybe served around 6:30...eat, chat a while...and lets say they can chat for 2 hours, that takes them til around 8:30. If I was out with friends and dinner is over, if I was going to do something else with my friends, I'd call my SO and let her know I'm going to be a bit later since my SO figured I was only going to dinner. thats what she should have done. She told him dinner..not dinner/shopping/drinks...whatever. Seems she didn't respect him enough to tell him she is going to be a little later than the dinner she told him she was attending. Honestly, if someone did this to me....I'd think, just don't wake me up when you get home, since sleep is important to me. But the next time I'm out, I'll just figure that I can refrain from calling my SO up and giving her the courtesy of letting her know when I'll be home if I decide to stay out later and do more than i told her I was going to do. Again, he called her twice just to find out what is going on, and not only did she not call him back like she said, seems like she was giving him the runaround. did she do anything? maybe, maybe not. My current SO calls me twice when out with friends and calls me to let me know when she is going to be home. I don't ask her to, she just does. She sees it as respecting me since I am giving her the consideration of my trust.
eclipseIDE Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Again...he called twice. So lets examine the 2 calls: Well 8:45 and no call.So i called her and she was with her friends and she would call me back.She did but didnt say what she was doing. 9:30 hadnt heard anything so i called again Care to indicate anywhere in there where he called her up and accused her of anything or showed any jealousy towards her? She told him she was with friends and she'd call back.....she didn't. So he called her again. If someone I'm with says that they are going to dinner at 5:30, ok....maybe served around 6:30...eat, chat a while...and lets say they can chat for 2 hours, that takes them til around 8:30. If I was out with friends and dinner is over, if I was going to do something else with my friends, I'd call my SO and let her know I'm going to be a bit later since my SO figured I was only going to dinner. thats what she should have done. She told him dinner..not dinner/shopping/drinks...whatever. Seems she didn't respect him enough to tell him she is going to be a little later than the dinner she told him she was attending. Honestly, if someone did this to me....I'd think, just don't wake me up when you get home, since sleep is important to me. But the next time I'm out, I'll just figure that I can refrain from calling my SO up and giving her the courtesy of letting her know when I'll be home if I decide to stay out later and do more than i told her I was going to do. Again, he called her twice just to find out what is going on, and not only did she not call him back like she said, seems like she was giving him the runaround. did she do anything? maybe, maybe not. My current SO calls me twice when out with friends and calls me to let me know when she is going to be home. I don't ask her to, she just does. She sees it as respecting me since I am giving her the consideration of my trust. exactly Its called common courtesy, she said she would call and she didnt twice. he waited 3 hours and 15 minutes before he called the first time. second time was 45 minutes. think of it this way. if they were dating and he said he would call at a certain time and didnt he would be called selfish, inconsiderate etc...
LonelyTiger Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Dexter Morgan and eclipseIDE, I am totally with you on this one. This poor guy seems to be getting a bashing from everyone because his wife was inconsiderate and he was concerned. If I went out for dinner with friends and decided to stay out longer than I'd originally planned I would ring my husband to let him know. He wouldn't be forced to ring me first. And if he did ring me, for any reason, and I wasn't able to take the call, I would ring back, as soon as I possibly could. Not because he is a control freak or doesn't trust me, or is jealous (because he certainly isn't) but because he's my husband and he deserves my respect and consideration.
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