alasia Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 hi, my ex finished with me and moved out on feb 28th. we have 2 children and have been together for 3yrs with 2 breakups previously. he is older than me but is very immature and is used to everyone making excuses for him all the time, so he has a tendency to be very self centred at times. he does have good points tho and is a great dad. we split apparently cos of the fierce rows we were having almost daily. its fixable stuff but we both have to make an effort to change. over the past few wks ive been asking him a lot whether he wants to try again - sometimes hes said he does but doesnt want the arguments, other times hes got moody and said he doesnt want me bk as i wont change, and hes also occasionally asked to stay the night and see how we get on,then not turned up - his reason for that is that when hes here he wants to stay, but he works until midnight and by the time hes thought about it all night, he changes his mind as he knows i will keep him talking all night - i do tend to do this. he did keep to his word and stay tuesday night,we shared the bed - with me wearing a vest top and jogging bottoms,i said nothing sexual would be happening - and we got on well,although i kept him talking til 5am trying to get an answer as to whether he wanted to get bk together or not! the next day we chatted and he said that he thought he wanted to try again but isnt 100 percent sure cos of the arguments. he said he loved and missed me and the kids and that he would stay over again that night - but then text me from work later saying he had enjoyed staying and wanted to again but was more tired than he thought he would be. i phoned him earlier and said he had to make a choice today and either we get bk together or he walks away for good. he said i was pushing things,weve only just started getting on properly again so couldnt make a decision yet. i told him it seems like he wants the single life but be able to play house when it suits him - he assured me it wasnt that, i hung up then he sent me a text saying - im not trying to call all the shots and i have feelings beyond what you will ever know. so - do i believe him and take things slowly, or is he just stringing me along? we act coupley when we are together but it could be an act on his part - was it unreasonable to expect him to make a decision right now? sorry this is so long but please reply,badly need advice! thanks x
65tr6 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 its fixable stuff but we both have to make an effort to change. over the past few wks ive been asking him a lot whether he wants to try again There you go. You both need to change. It can be done but takes lot of effort from both sides. Why did he move out ? Is he tired of all the bickering ? I dont understand you have two kids, so has he given up ?
Author alasia Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 yep - we had a huge argument that ended up in me pushing him and i think i threw an - empty - cup at him. that night he didnt come home and thats when he rented the room hes living in now. he says he just couldnt stand the constant arguments,and i admit it was mostly me starting them and sniping at him towards the end, due to insecurity. thing is, hes asked to stay tonight and i loved it when he spent the nite here on tuesday,but now im thinking i should call it off - because a few times recently he has said he will stay over but not turned up - if he doesnt show i will look stupid and he will be in control again.
BILL B Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Well if you slow down , and let him show you take some time and see if he realy cares to make the right moves, let him take you to dinner and let him do the talking. This may take some time if he cares he will---------so slow down dont do a thing unless he realy trys----------i hope the best for you---bill b
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