Author victim_of_love Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 THen when we started dating ya stupid me, "your all the qualities I want in a man", finally I found a good guy who puts me first won't cheat or hit me blah blah, 2 months later, ah were different people your boring bla bla women:rolleyes: Haha, same situation with me bro. That is exactly what happened to me. I'm not a wussbag, I consider myself a good man becasue I don't cheat emotionally or physical, hit woman confident and respectful. Thank you!!! I too respect women for who they are and will not sink to disrespecting them just for them to like me. I shouldn't have to do that. If I like you for you, I'll show it up front.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It's really easy for good guys to start whining about the ways of the world, "jerks," etc. The fact is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for: the chicks you get, the money you make, etc. I'm shorter than most guys and less assuming. So I can go ahead and start crying about how I get no game - or I can put my best "foot" forward, which is my generosity of spirit and sense of humor. If good men are unappreciated, as someone else said, it's because they don't appreciate themselves. Let me just say: the minute you start backing down, softening, relenting and generally acting like a PUSS - everyone else will treat you the same way.I agree with quite a bit of what you're saying. The bolded portion will get you nowhere if you don't know when to compromise and give. Give nothing, get nothing.
Author victim_of_love Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 I agree with quite a bit of what you're saying. The bolded portion will get you nowhere if you don't know when to compromise and give. Give nothing, get nothing. That is also a question that's been bothering me. When do we hit that borderline with apologies? Like, when is it a good time to apologize and when it is a good time to just shut up and walk away? Because I don't want to apologize TOO much and come across as a wuss, or don't apologize enough and come across as a jerk.
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 But is it so wrong to show the girl some affection? Yes, I can be assertive, I'm already very independent, I work hard to achieve my goals (ambitious), and I am very playful. Confidence is a bit of a problem at some points when I'm by myself, but not when I'm around her. She makes me confident. It's not wrong to show affection. You just have to be careful and not lay it on too thick, especially early. Eventually, even something as nice as affection can seem disingenuous. Or, think about it like this...Imagine you are dating a woman. She gives you a gift, a brand new DVD of a movie you love. Then, every day, she gives you another, and another, and another. Eventually, you just get used to the fact that when you wake up, you've got a new dvd coming to you. You don't even have to do anything in return. You start to take it for granted. Eventually, you stop really even paying much attention to them. Now imagine you are dating a different girl, at a different time. It's been a month and things are going great. She gift wraps something for you to surprise you on a date. You open it. It's a Quantum of Solace dvd (or whatever) - just the one you were talking about! You're beside yourself; she listened to you babble about something as boring as James Bond, and she went out of her way to pick it up the day it was released. A month or two later, she buys you a nice shirt and surprises you. You see the difference? Think of your shows of affection in the same terms. A constant flow of affection will eventually bore the recipient, and will make you seem submissive and desperate. Oh - and it takes a smart man to admit where he went wrong. Live and learn...
carhill Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Compromising with healthy respect for one's boundaries is a good thing Abrogating one's boundaries at the altar of another is one parameter of "puss", IMO.
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I'm not a wussbag, I consider myself a good man becasue I don't cheat emotionally or physical, hit woman confident and respectful. I NEVER said that cheating or abusing your woman makes you a man. On the contrary, guys who do this sort of thing are cowards, through and through. And, in fact, not engaging in cheating or abuse does not automatically make you a "good man," nor does it disqualify you from being a wuss. You're not SUPPOSED to do those things, period. If you think that's all you need to be considered a good man, I don't want to know what kind of women you're dealing with.
kizik Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 when is it a good time to apologize and when it is a good time to just shut up and walk away? I don't know, but I can tell you that I have not apologized to anyone for anything in months. Sounds rude, right? It isn't. Not apologizing is different than not admitting fault. For example, when I get called out for doing something wrong at work, here's my response: "Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I'll fix it and keep that in mind for next time." As opposed to: "I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry. I''m so stupid!" People, I really recommend monitoring your "sorry"s.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 That is also a question that's been bothering me. When do we hit that borderline with apologies? Like, when is it a good time to apologize and when it is a good time to just shut up and walk away? Because I don't want to apologize TOO much and come across as a wuss, or don't apologize enough and come across as a jerk. Compromising with healthy respect for one's boundaries is a good thing Abrogating one's boundaries at the altar of another is one parameter of "puss", IMO. victim_of_love, refer to carhill's response. Learn to understand what you're willing to put up with or need, for a viable relationship. Never apologizing or compromising for the good of a relationship won't get you a viable relationship. Sometimes, it won't even get you a date. Pick your battles but for certain never beg, plead, grovel or nag.
pollywag Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It's not wrong to show affection. You just have to be careful and not lay it on too thick, especially early. Eventually, even something as nice as affection can seem disingenuous. Disagree! You can lay it on as thick as you want provided you choose the right type of girl who is going to first and foremost appreciate it, and scondly deseve it. Always keep a bit to yourself in the early stages and don't give everything you have before you know for sure if someone is worthy of your all. Once you give you can't take back and giving too much but then trying to retract always backfires. That's the "challenge" everyone speaks of, it's not someone who wants to sit around to debate, attack and question everything you do or needs your attention 100% of the time, that's not a challenge that's just dealing with a difficult person. The challenge is being someowhat unpredictable within the predictability you must give to nurture trust and a strong foundation.
Woggle Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It is good to compromise and be willing to acomodate but nobody should ever give up their self respect and if a person love you they would never ask you to.
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Disagree! You can lay it on as thick as you want provided you choose the right type of girl who is going to first and foremost appreciate it, and scondly deseve it. That won't work because you don't always know who you're dealing with in the early stages. And she should earn some of that affection by proving herself worthy of it. Doling it out, especially without reciprocity, IS predictable and the wrong way to go. The less you wield it, the more effective it is. Respect yourself first, my friends. Protect that heart and be careful how much you give without getting something back. It's a two-way street.
pollywag Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 That won't work because you don't always know who you're dealing with in the early stages. It will work if you requote my entire post, not just a fraction of it!
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