Loxx Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 They want a good guy that looks like a bad boy. In essence a bad boy that is so in love with them they become good!
moman Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 It's not about being a badass or not. It's about being natural and indifferent. I'm not that much of a badass, but there's a clear difference in my results with women when I'm a challenge vs. being a doormat. I don't have time for women that date *******s or bad asses.
CommitmentPhobe Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 They're not, just stop limiting yourself to slappers that want a quick one up against the wall.
monkey00 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 There are girls out there who are genuinely into nice guys. I think it's just about the availability/or lack thereof of options that influence people to do and behave the way they do. I've noticed that the women who don't have a lot to offer physically are often interested in the nice guy. These types of girls are long pass the drama and just want someone to treat them well. But there are some posts in this thread that do ring true. A lot of times when I was presented with a situation where there was a so called 'good/nice girl', even if she was physically appealing - I just wasn't attracted. On the other hand throw me in the pits with the women who don't have their sh#t together - you just might find me there. The majority of my nice girl experiences turned out to be that they were boring. I think both sexes have this issue, not everyone's interested in boring. Certain individuals look for spontaneity/adventure with the person that they're with. When I was younger I was the typical nice guy...who was truly, genuinely interested in the nice girl. Now I'm just a good guy who's a bit of a jerk underneath. As someone else said, everyone should learn to unleash their inner motherf*cker every now and then. Though I will have to say one last thing. If a girl is genuinely interested in a guy, there's little a guy can do or say to screw things up. If she flakes out for no apparent reason, then she was flakey from the start. People can be pretty good at acting. I think this thread needs to pinpoint on what being a man means. There are so many individuals that I know who still behave like grown up kids that are immature, insecure, and indecisive.
collegekid491 Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Its actually extremely simple. Most nice guys lack in other traits, most notably boring the crap out of them. Girls want a nice guy, but they still want to enjoy the time they spend with you by making it fun, little things to 'improve' on you to make them feel like you actually are putting something back into the relationship, and even just knowing you will kick some ass if need be. Girls are like us in the fact they prioritize numerous traits, as they mature the priorities change. Has anyone ever seen keys to the vip? it was a lame show, but surprisingly enough there were a handful of good tips among all the crap. The one big one that stuck out to me cause its right, most nice guys just don't present a challenge, they see you as a fall back plan because you aren't a challenge, if they can't get another guy, you will always be around. I mean, heck, just today i met up with a old friend, i am fairly relaxed around her, i am a gentleman but i still will throw her an occasional insult or a inappropriate comment, evening ended with her trying to kiss me... which is another story because my gf was not impressed!
Sam Spade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Nice guys just need to get in touch with their inner motherf*cker, though I'd suggest keeping said motherf*cker on a leash. Words of wisdom here. Not keeping the leash on is how I sabotaged my last relationship. Though I'm not sure you can ever win here - based on my own and my friend's experiences, eventually women begin to resent the very same (e.g. whatever falls in the bad boy-ish category) qualities that attracted them to you in the first place . I am soo impressed by my current girlfriend: after I bluntly declared in front of her that girls simply don't ever know what they want, she calmly looked me in the eye and... agreed! More importantly, she suggested that the problem is that most girls want everything at once. And then she finished me by distancing herself from the Pack by declaring that the secret is to understand the tradeoffs and even if you can't have something, if there is something else to compensate for it, you're in a good shape. I don't know (and don't want to know) what my defficiencies that I somehow compensate for are, but i begin to hear the faint melody of wedding bells . I look forward to the day when she'll be rolling her eyes and laughing behind my back whilte talking to her family, and then cook me dinner . But, she's a mellow, calculating asian. So she's way ahead of the curve .
Sam Spade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Its actually extremely simple. Most nice guys lack in other traits, most notably boring the crap out of them. Girls want a nice guy, but they still want to enjoy the time they spend with you by making it fun, little things to 'improve' on you to make them feel like you actually are putting something back into the relationship, and even just knowing you will kick some ass if need be. Girls are like us in the fact they prioritize numerous traits, as they mature the priorities change. Has anyone ever seen keys to the vip? it was a lame show, but surprisingly enough there were a handful of good tips among all the crap. The one big one that stuck out to me cause its right, most nice guys just don't present a challenge, they see you as a fall back plan because you aren't a challenge, if they can't get another guy, you will always be around. I mean, heck, just today i met up with a old friend, i am fairly relaxed around her, i am a gentleman but i still will throw her an occasional insult or a inappropriate comment, evening ended with her trying to kiss me... which is another story because my gf was not impressed! The challenge concept is true, and really makes it hard to respect women who actually follow the kneek-jerk high it gives them . I understand it, but it's a clear indication that they're probably not in charge of their own feelings if they need constant outside stimulation - children ! I'm all for having fun and good times. But, in a relationship i want anything BUT challenge. I want somebody to come home to and enjoy our time together. If a girl has to rely on me for excitement, I predict that our time together will be exceedingly short .
Chicago_Guy Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Its actually extremely simple. Most nice guys lack in other traits, most notably boring the crap out of them. Girls want a nice guy, but they still want to enjoy the time they spend with you by making it fun, little things to 'improve' on you to make them feel like you actually are putting something back into the relationship, and even just knowing you will kick some ass if need be. Girls are like us in the fact they prioritize numerous traits, as they mature the priorities change. Has anyone ever seen keys to the vip? it was a lame show, but surprisingly enough there were a handful of good tips among all the crap. The one big one that stuck out to me cause its right, most nice guys just don't present a challenge, they see you as a fall back plan because you aren't a challenge, if they can't get another guy, you will always be around. I mean, heck, just today i met up with a old friend, i am fairly relaxed around her, i am a gentleman but i still will throw her an occasional insult or a inappropriate comment, evening ended with her trying to kiss me... which is another story because my gf was not impressed! I think that if a guy is chasing after a girl and she isn't sure whether she likes him, being too "nice" can come across as boring. Some guys try to bend over backward to be accommodating and that isn't going to win over a woman who isn't sure whether she likes the guy. However, if the girl decides that she likes the guy, then being nice isn't a bad thing at all and is, in fact, desirable to a certain extent. If a girl really likes a guy, and it is obvious, the girl usually won't try to take advantage of him and he won't end up being too accommodating.
male_in_scrubs Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I am a 19 year old male, what you would call the "good guy," and as a sociology major, I have taken some time to study this through girls I have met. Most of them fall for bad boyz because, as mentioned, the challenge is a desirable aspect. Most of the girls I have talked to that had an abusive (verbally or physically, or emotionally) boyfriend have said they stay with them because she is determined to show him the "right" way to treat a girl. She is aware she is not on a humanitarian mission and does not have to do such a thing, but she typically has said that when they act right (no matter how rare it is) it is worth all the bad parts. Don't get me wrong, I think it is totally rediculous. I would never put up with a bad girl, never in my lifetime ever, and I don't see why anyone else would, girl or boy. However, I at least have a rough understanding of the minds behind those that do. I too agree with you I think though that the reason a girl will cherish even the rarest show of kindness or sentiment or anything that resembles adoration or love with the bad guy is because often with a bad guy they don't see it... it's much like the most beautiful flower you have ever seen growing in a **** pile...it's noticable, where as because adoration and kindness pours out a "nice" guy it is much less noticable because of the normality of it. where as in the "bad" guy kindness and adoration and all the things that represent what love is... is unexpected and out of character often women think that they are finally coming around, that they must love them because it is easy to observe because those actions are so much different than the usual ass they are with... just some thoughts
BoredPerson Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I'm plenty bad. Women won't date me because I am ugly and I don't have a high flying career. They're superficial and they can't see that my career might take off soon. By then I will be a bitter old man and they'll be old maids that no one wants, that post of forums like this about how unfair it is men only want 20 year olds.
pollywag Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Also exciting sex. The bad boy (and this can just mean an edgy haircut and a tattoo, ha) makes her think 'what would sex be like with him? What would he do? I need to find out.' The nice guy is far more predictable, he would be all tender and careful and probably not **** her to within an inch of her life. Wow I dunno about that!!! In my experience the guy with tats and the the edgy haircut lacks imagination. I mean look at them they look just like every other sap trying to be "cool". Bad boy wanna be's are just trying too hard and are far too into themselves to be even moderately good in the sack. Zzzzzzzzz........ Now give me a conservative preppy looking guy in bed and watch him turn into a twisted buck when it's sex o'clock. Twisted good that is All about the imagination and inhibitions, it's unexpected when he looks so propper on the outside. It's delicious! About the nice guy thing it boils down to excitement, if you are exciting and dynamic and have a general ease to you chances are you will be EXACTLY what women want. And you don't need to pull up in a Harley wearing a leather jacket to pull that off, or mistreat women to be cool, yuck! You just need to know you have it. Harshness and rudeness toeing the line with being disrespectful does not = sexy. Not at all! Someone else said it best a good balance of challenge and goodness, that's where it's at. Good men are not unappreciated, boring ones are unfortunately.
pollywag Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I think that if a guy is chasing after a girl and she isn't sure whether she likes him, being too "nice" can come across as boring. Some guys try to bend over backward to be accommodating and that isn't going to win over a woman who isn't sure whether she likes the guy. However, if the girl decides that she likes the guy, then being nice isn't a bad thing at all and is, in fact, desirable to a certain extent. If a girl really likes a guy, and it is obvious, the girl usually won't try to take advantage of him and he won't end up being too accommodating. I think that sums it up nicely! If you get the vibe she is on the fence up the ante, don't bend over even more. It happens to everyone, we lose our cool when we are doing all the work. Don't get stuck in a scenario where you have to do all the work you will always lose in the end.
johan Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 This is a question I've asked some of my friends at college, and none of them could give a straight answer. It is obvious that every woman wants a good man, at least that is what I thought. But I've noticed nowadays that many "good men" have been overlooked or traded for the "bad boys". Why is that? Most of the ones who are underappreciated also don't appreciate themselves. A good woman doesn't want a "bad boy". She just wants a guy who believes in himself.
JohnnyBlaze Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 They want a good guy that looks like a bad boy. In essence a bad boy that is so in love with them they become good! In my experience, no, they don't. I fit that profile, and it hasn't done sh*t for me. In fact, it works against me. The ones who are looking for a "good" guy get intimidated and the ones who are looking for a "bad" boy bolt the instant they realize that I'm not an a**hole. Welcome to god's green acre; east of the rock and west of the hard place.
carhill Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 For the men, it pays to look around and note who is paying attention to you and appreciating you. See with different eyes
runner Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 This is a question I've asked some of my friends at college, and none of them could give a straight answer. It is obvious that every woman wants a good man, at least that is what I thought. But I've noticed nowadays that many "good men" have been overlooked or traded for the "bad boys". Why is that? because that's how you've chosen to perceive things. in my own life, on the other hand, the great guys i know are very much appreciated by their women and these guys treat their women with respect - life is good. that's not to say that my reality is more correct than yours; i'm sure i can find a dysfunctional couple if i sought one out; they're all over the place.
carhill Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Asserting traditional leadership can cost the M as well, as I found out. It all depends on the perspectives of the individuals. IIRC, asserting leadership wrt our most recent real estate purchase is what ended MC. Again, it goes to compatibility and recognizing, appreciating and validating each partner's strengths.
samspade Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It is obvious that every woman wants a good man, at least that is what I thought. But I've noticed nowadays that many "good men" have been overlooked or traded for the "bad boys". Why is that? What you think is a "good man" is probably not attractive to females. A lot of guys engage in what they think is "good" behavior: Putting a woman on a pedestal, catering to her every whim, suffocating her with affection, pushing for commitment early on, backing down when she complains, trying to solve all of her problems, etc., etc. Then they look at some of the guys women actually choose and consider them "bad" because these guys are masculine, assertive, independent, ambitious, teasing (playfully), and confident. Well, you'll pardon women if they are attracted to men who act like men, and not bona fide wussbags. Most of the ones who are underappreciated also don't appreciate themselves. A good woman doesn't want a "bad boy". She just wants a guy who believes in himself. That is a great way to say it. What vexes all the nice guys out there is they hear women complain about their boyfriends (or guys they're into) and say things like "he's such a jerk!" Depending on her tone, she probably means, "He's attractive and I'm still trying to tame him." She doesn't want a guy who is so ready and willing to submit to her and make her the centerpiece of his life. I'm all for having fun and good times. But, in a relationship i want anything BUT challenge. I want somebody to come home to and enjoy our time together. If a girl has to rely on me for excitement, I predict that our time together will be exceedingly short . When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't act like a "challenge," but that doesn't mean you have to be boring, either. A lot of guys make this mistake and settle into laziness. It doesn't take much effort to keep things interesting and exciting. Your time together WILL be short if you don't do this, because she will discover that you are just like a lot of guys: Exciting when you're pursuing her, but boring underneath.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 By the way, I am a "he" not a "she" Dexter. Ooops....sorry my brutha!
Dexter Morgan Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I don't have time for women that date *******s or bad asses. my sentiments exactly. I had to turn down a woman for this very reason. She wouldn't let up until I gave her an answer why I wasn't interested...then finally in a "IF YOU REALLY MUST KNOW" moment I told her I wasn't her type based on the guys she went out with in the past. Pissed her off, which reinforced why I didn't want to date her in the first place
Dexter Morgan Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Most of the ones who are underappreciated also don't appreciate themselves. A good woman doesn't want a "bad boy". precisely right
westernxer Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I figure a woman will appreciate me when she reaches 40. By then we should be on the same emotional wavelength, unless she's on medication. LOL
Author victim_of_love Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 What you think is a "good man" is probably not attractive to females. A lot of guys engage in what they think is "good" behavior: Putting a woman on a pedestal, catering to her every whim, suffocating her with affection, pushing for commitment early on, backing down when she complains, trying to solve all of her problems, etc., etc. Then they look at some of the guys women actually choose and consider them "bad" because these guys are masculine, assertive, independent, ambitious, teasing (playfully), and confident. Well, you'll pardon women if they are attracted to men who act like men, and not bona fide wussbags. I think I may have found my problem....cause that is pretty much what I did with the girl I was talking about. I did pretty much put her on a pedestal, cater to her every whim, and all that. I didn't realize I was coming across as a wussbag, because I thought that was what they considered a "good" man. I am not a wussbag, that is far from what I am. But is it so wrong to show the girl some affection? Yes, I can be assertive, I'm already very independent, I work hard to achieve my goals (ambitious), and I am very playful. Confidence is a bit of a problem at some points when I'm by myself, but not when I'm around her. She makes me confident.
EmperorR Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 Your telling me, funny after my fiance left me and I was a wreck for months, my friend was so interested in me, I would avoid her not trying to get close to a women and she would continually bother me. THen when we started dating ya stupid me, "your all the qualities I want in a man", finally I found a good guy who puts me first won't cheat or hit me blah blah, 2 months later, ah were different people your boring bla bla women:rolleyes: I'm not a wussbag, I consider myself a good man becasue I don't cheat emotionally or physical, hit woman confident and respectful.
kizik Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 It's really easy for good guys to start whining about the ways of the world, "jerks," etc. The fact is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for: the chicks you get, the money you make, etc. I'm shorter than most guys and less assuming. So I can go ahead and start crying about how I get no play - or I can put my best "foot" forward, which is my generosity of spirit and sense of humor. I can make things happen. If good men are unappreciated, as someone else said, it's because they don't appreciate themselves. Let me just say: the minute you start backing down, softening, relenting and generally acting like a PUSS - everyone else will treat you the same way.
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