Why are good men so unappreciated nowadays?

[victim_of_love]

This is a question I've asked some of my friends at college, and none of them could give a straight answer.

 

It is obvious that every woman wants a good man, at least that is what I thought. But I've noticed nowadays that many "good men" have been overlooked or traded for the "bad boys". Why is that?

[Tony T]

A lot of it is the challenge. Women simply love to collect men they can change...you know, the old saying: Women want men they can change...men want women who will never change...haha!

 

Thanks for asking.

[Trialbyfire]

You're kidding, right? I found a good man this year, someone worth keeping so...he's kept!

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'd say going purely for bad boy and tossing aside good guys is a sign of immaturity. I want a good guy - bad boys can go do their thing elsewhere - I'm not interested.

[chimpy]

I am a 19 year old male, what you would call the "good guy," and as a sociology major, I have taken some time to study this through girls I have met.

 

Most of them fall for bad boyz because, as mentioned, the challenge is a desirable aspect. Most of the girls I have talked to that had an abusive (verbally or physically, or emotionally) boyfriend have said they stay with them because she is determined to show him the "right" way to treat a girl. She is aware she is not on a humanitarian mission and does not have to do such a thing, but she typically has said that when they act right (no matter how rare it is) it is worth all the bad parts.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think it is totally rediculous. I would never put up with a bad girl, never in my lifetime ever, and I don't see why anyone else would, girl or boy. However, I at least have a rough understanding of the minds behind those that do.

[Woggle]

This is a prime example of why men should consider looking at older women. Many of them are over this need to date the worst the male gender has to offer.

[SoulSearch_CO]

This is a prime example of why men should consider looking at older women. Many of them are over this need to date the worst the male gender has to offer.

I can agree with Woggle, for once. But I guess I'm shooting myself in the ass for asking this - what are you considering "older," or even "good enough," Woggle?

[Woggle]

I can agree with Woggle, for once. But I guess I'm shooting myself in the ass for asking this - what are you considering "older," or even "good enough," Woggle?

 

It depends on the age of both parties.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Ah. So you're just saying that a man should date an older woman THAN HIMSELF. Not that a man in his late 30's should maybe find somebody closer to his own age rather than going after little 20-somethings.

 

I disagree about a younger man dating an older woman just because generally the case is that women mature earlier than men. I have yet to find a man that is right around my age or younger that has grown up. (I'm 29, btw.)

[prettybaby]

This is such a vague general statement. Of course you won't get a straight answer. Let's first look at the group you're actually referring to:

- age?

- area?

- education level?

- income?

- lifestyle?

[Woggle]

Ah. So you're just saying that a man should date an older woman THAN HIMSELF. Not that a man in his late 30's should maybe find somebody closer to his own age rather than going after little 20-somethings.

 

I disagree about a younger man dating an older woman just because generally the case is that women mature earlier than men. I have yet to find a man that is right around my age or younger that has grown up. (I'm 29, btw.)

 

It depends on the case because everybody is different but single women when they hit mid 30s either tend to be hardened misandrists or have actually learned their lessons from chasing after bad boys and canm appreciate a good man. The former are pretty easy to spot for the observant man and the latter can make a very good partner. Finding a good woman who will actually appreciate what she claims to want in a man is not easy task at any age but a young man has the best odds if he goes a bit older.

[yongyong]

actually they will fxxx as many bad boys as they can when they are young.

 

too bad, those girls will eventually marry to nice guys at the end.

(it's like buying a used car with many previous owners, high mileage, salvage title)

[Woggle]

actually they will fxxx as many bad boys as they can when they are young.

 

too bad, those girls will eventually marry to nice guys at the end.

(it's like buying a used car with many previous owners, high mileage, salvage title)

 

And then they will screw bad boys on the side while you pay for everything. This is why I will never be a provider for a woman.

[Jersey Shortie]

This is such an over exploited stereotype that some men try to ration why a woman doesn't want him because he considers himself a "good man". There are several things at work here.

 

1. Not all self proclaimed men are really honsetly "good men". Even if they are your buddies, family members or buddies friends. Women have different qualifying factors in what makes a man good then a man has in what makes a buddy good. I have dated nice men, men who openned doors, where polite, and other gentlmanly activities. That didn't mean they were "good men" on the inside. Most women can pick up on men that are just doing these things because they think it gets them brownie points and men that really do them because they want to. If your guy friend is complaining about what a "good guy" he is and how women reject him, you can gaurntee that there is something else at work there that is turning off said women. It doesn't mean that he is a "bad guy" either but this doesn't all amount to "bad" and "good".

 

2. Sometimes there are good men, respectful, polite that truly are "good men" that you just feel no spark for. You could be a really good man, that doesn't mean a woman is automatically going to be attracted or want a second date. That doesn't mean that guy is bad or not good enough or that the woman is a messed up mess because she didn't pick him. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. As a man, do you honestly want to date every "good woman" you run into? Of course you don't. You want someone with a spark, someone you think is hot. It's not because all women are broken and want bad boys. Not even close.

 

3. Sometimes good men look for, fall for "bad girls" and ignore "good women". This works both ways. How many times have you heard about a buddy that's girl was disrespectful to him? Hooked up with another guy at a club..etc etc. Sometimes "good men" are looking at "bad girls" and then blame all women as being messed up because of his choice in picking the more exciting enticing flashier option.

 

4. Good girls, bad girls, good men, bad men....everyone's idea of this is different.

[Woggle]

I must admit that many men go for women that treat them like crap. I just don't understand why the biggest witches who treat men like crap usually have boyfriends who treat them like gold. These men will do anything for these women just to have it thrown back in their face. Why don't these guys just grow some balls and leave?

[prettybaby]

I must admit that many men go for women that treat them like crap. I just don't understand why the biggest witches who treat men like crap usually have boyfriends who treat them like gold. These men will do anything for these women just to have it thrown back in their face. Why don't these guys just grow some balls and leave?

The same also happens the other way around. Women who treat their boyfriend like gold but are treated like crap, yet they stay. I mean, this is a pretty pointless statement.

 

I still think the OP's original question is way too vague and cannot be answered unless we are given more facts about the "nice guys" she's referring to. We all know single people around us. But the reasons why they're single are extremely varied and depend on many personal factors.

[boxing123]

There are no "good guys" and "bad boys". The same man treats different women, differently.

 

I think a better question is why do women love it when they meet a man and he treats her like dirt?

 

The above is a problem..The man treats the woman like dirt because he is NOT into her. It will not work. If that same man meets a woman he IS interested in, he treats her much better. But then she is "bored by the nice guy."

 

The trick is finding a woman you like enough, but not overly into. Then you can still be aloof naturally, and she can't get enough of it.

 

You can ignore her calls, go out with the guys, blow her off etc, and she will love it. As soon as you start making her a priority it is over.

[Jersey Shortie]

Boxing, you are more and welcome to find a woman like, that is more into you then her, that but what you described has more to do with controlling the situation, the woman and the relationship then giving a woman a fair shot or treating her with respect. Your choice but don't complain about how awful women are when you treat them like that.

[victim_of_love]

This is such an over exploited stereotype that some men try to ration why a woman doesn't want him because he considers himself a "good man". There are several things at work here.

 

1. Not all self proclaimed men are really honsetly "good men". Even if they are your buddies, family members or buddies friends. Women have different qualifying factors in what makes a man good then a man has in what makes a buddy good. I have dated nice men, men who openned doors, where polite, and other gentlmanly activities. That didn't mean they were "good men" on the inside. Most women can pick up on men that are just doing these things because they think it gets them brownie points and men that really do them because they want to. If your guy friend is complaining about what a "good guy" he is and how women reject him, you can gaurntee that there is something else at work there that is turning off said women. It doesn't mean that he is a "bad guy" either but this doesn't all amount to "bad" and "good".

 

2. Sometimes there are good men, respectful, polite that truly are "good men" that you just feel no spark for. You could be a really good man, that doesn't mean a woman is automatically going to be attracted or want a second date. That doesn't mean that guy is bad or not good enough or that the woman is a messed up mess because she didn't pick him. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. As a man, do you honestly want to date every "good woman" you run into? Of course you don't. You want someone with a spark, someone you think is hot. It's not because all women are broken and want bad boys. Not even close.

 

3. Sometimes good men look for, fall for "bad girls" and ignore "good women". This works both ways. How many times have you heard about a buddy that's girl was disrespectful to him? Hooked up with another guy at a club..etc etc. Sometimes "good men" are looking at "bad girls" and then blame all women as being messed up because of his choice in picking the more exciting enticing flashier option.

 

4. Good girls, bad girls, good men, bad men....everyone's idea of this is different.

 

Best answer I've read so far. Also, I apologize if my question was low of depth. My situation ties to the other topics I've put up and I just assumed everyone read them, which was stupid.

 

I asked that because I'm just trying to understand why the relationship with this girl I had a crush on just did not work out. Like, I was really looking for what I may have done or may have been a problem that I could have fixed. Because we were great friends one second, we got really close, and then all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me and started talking more to the other men, most of them were like gothic bad asses.

 

I guess just by reading, it was just not meant to be. That is a hard pill to swallow considering how strong my feelings were for the girl.

[boxing123]

Boxing, you are more and welcome to find a woman like, that is more into you then her, that but what you described has more to do with controlling the situation, the woman and the relationship then giving a woman a fair shot or treating her with respect. Your choice but don't complain about how awful women are when you treat them like that.

 

 

Women are great when you treat them poorly. It is when you become invested that they change.

[prettybaby]

Women are great when you treat them poorly. It is when you become invested that they change.

As far as I know, happy marriages that last well over 20 years aren't based on that little recipe you're giving us here.

[Jersey Shortie]

prettybaby

 

What do you want us to say Boxing? Do you really think your going to snag a good woman with that attitude?

 

 

I asked that because I'm just trying to understand why the relationship with this girl I had a crush on just did not work out. Like, I was really looking for what I may have done or may have been a problem that I could have fixed. Because we were great friends one second, we got really close, and then all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me and started talking more to the other men, most of them were like gothic bad asses.

 

 

 

She is flakey, could have nothing to do with you. Don't give her so much attention anymore and focus on other women.

[The Collector]

Best answer I've read so far. Also, I apologize if my question was low of depth. My situation ties to the other topics I've put up and I just assumed everyone read them, which was stupid.

 

I asked that because I'm just trying to understand why the relationship with this girl I had a crush on just did not work out. Like, I was really looking for what I may have done or may have been a problem that I could have fixed. Because we were great friends one second, we got really close, and then all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me and started talking more to the other men, most of them were like gothic bad asses.

 

I guess just by reading, it was just not meant to be. That is a hard pill to swallow considering how strong my feelings were for the girl.

 

The pill you have to swallow is not that it was not meant to be. I don't mean to be mean, but look at the bolded parts - too many apologies, too much blaming yourself - women don't tend to go for this mindset, though they love it as a nice guy best friend who will listen to their problems with the bad ass dudes who don't kiss her ass or say sorry all the time. 'Victim Of Love'? Don't see yourself as a victim, and you didn't love this girl.

 

There are no quick fixes for you I'm afraid. If you want to have more options with women you need to study what turns them on.

[You'reasian]

This is a question I've asked some of my friends at college, and none of them could give a straight answer.

 

It is obvious that every woman wants a good man, at least that is what I thought. But I've noticed nowadays that many "good men" have been overlooked or traded for the "bad boys". Why is that?

 

1. Bad boys know how to get a woman's emotions running. Rational is boring. Bad is exciting.

 

2. Women like a good fixer upper.

 

3. Women like the chase - the more attention you give them, the bored they get.

 

4. Once a woman likes a man, she's really into him - thus she's willing to overlook the bad boy qualities.

 

A man can be talking about a time he's taking a $**+ and if the woman likes him, she'll laugh and be amused. If she doesn't like him, he's creepy

[The Collector]

Also exciting sex. The bad boy (and this can just mean an edgy haircut and a tattoo, ha) makes her think 'what would sex be like with him? What would he do? I need to find out.' The nice guy is far more predictable, he would be all tender and careful and probably not **** her to within an inch of her life.