unique77 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I've been with my bf for 2 yrs and 2 months now. A year ago he cheated on me. I have been living with this and its so hard to let go...feels like the relationship is getting worst. we are currently working on trying to make things work but im still hurt from what he did to me. he use to party every weekend and hang out. Not answering the phone. but he doesn' t do that anymore. every now and then he still wants to hit a bar or club. but i have notice a change in him but somehow i just cant let go what he did to me. i know he keeps stuff from me. he doesn' t want me talking to no male friends. cause he says they like me and they just trying to talk to me. but it ain' t fair cause he has soooooo many friends and a lot of them are females. he was very popular in high school. but yea i love him with all my heart and i really want our relationship to work. I know he loves me very much cause he ain' t never broke up with me and he just wants us to be together despite everything we been thru just like me. but since i cant get over the fact he cheated on me once before....what do i do??? i am sooo afraid he will do it again. but he never told me he cheated. my cousin saw him with the girl. i called him and he lied. den he wouldn' t answer the phone. i called his boy and he spilled the beans by accident. i need closure but he never wants to talk about it. i jus wanna know why he did this? and how cud he keep it from me. he was with me thinking of her. not caring that while he was wit her how much he was hurting me. he says he doesn' t like talking about it cause it hurts him when we i bring it up.....i just don' t know what to do? keeping trying to make it work or just be friends. my heart is confused. i don' t wanna hurt him cause i know he don' t wanna be apart.......i have a 4 yr old little girl. he is not her real father but he is all she knows as daddy and i dnt wanna take that away from her.
huck Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Hi unique. In my opinion any good relationship is based on Love, Communiction, Honesty and Trust. Your boyfriend broke your trust by making out with the other girl ( you dont mention what he did ). Putting myself in your place ( and believe me ive been there ) it would never escape my mind what he had done.. I'd always be wondering what hes up to when he gos out clubbing or to the bars - therefore the trust has gone.. Your mind plays tricks and its horrid.. You questioned why did he do it ? - basically some guys and gals are weak and cant help themselves when something else is served on a plate. Its difficult as you've got a kid involved who looks to him as father figure but personally id ditch anyone who cheated on me.. There are plenty of proper guys out there who know how to treat women properly..
TigerCub Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I understand that you love him, but I personally don't think you should stay with him. He has a lot of female friends yet you're not allowed to have any male friends? what the hell is that about? I believe that everything in a relationship needs to be fair. He's just trying to control you and you're letting him. As far as the cheating goes, you should have left him then. But now, a year later, when you still need your closure, he doesn't want to talk about it because it hurts him?! That should tell you all you need to know about the kind of guy you're with - he was completely willing to cheat on you and hurt you and now that you're still hurting, the poor baby doesn't want to talk about it because all that is painful for him. He's so selfish, and you're putting up with it. I understand that you have a child and that he's the only 'father' your child knows, but he honestly doesnt seem like the type of person that would put you or your kid before his needs, so what good is he to your kid? I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh, but I'm just saying the truth, that you deserve a much better man in your life.
Sco Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Sorry to hear about your pain..my heart goes out to you.. It seems to me there may be hope after all.. since he doesn't want to leave the relationship, then I suggest YOU PUT HIM TO WORK. Read " Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harvey @ marriagebuilders.com and put your boyfriend to work. If he's willing to do the work, then it's worth trying.. if he complains, kick him to the curb and cut your losses for both you and your daughter's sake. You can't receive anything good, 'til you make room and get rid of the bad. Good luck sister and keep posting, Sco!
Blu-Guy Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 My current cheated on me for a while in the beginning of our relationship with her ex. She also did not tell him we were together. It hurts alot. She did eventually tell me the truth... after she apparently stopped it and everything was good. So if he is willing to prove to you he is truely sorry for what he has done then you can give him another chance. Maybe you could set some boundries though especially around his female friends. The bottom line is he will have to earn your trust all over again. It is not going to be easy for either of you. Good luck! Keep us updated and remember there are lots of people here who have gone through a similar suituation.
MichelleS1983 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Hey Unique - this how a message board works. You post your story or thoughts asking for others to give their input or opinions. Then you actually come BACK and interact with the folks who took the time to reply to you - you don't desert the thread like a drive-by poster. You have another thread you started about your boyfriend not posting pictures of you on his lame FaceBook account. You haven't been back to that thread, either. What's the point of posting if you're not going to actually take an active part in your own threads?
Author unique77 Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Im sorry been a little busy lately. i really appreciate everyones response to my threads! ummm ok Forgive but dont forget....Im working on it cause I kind of feel bad since i bring it up every now and then. I really dont know how far he went with her but i do know that He stayed getting drunk with her partying with her and she hung out with his friends more than me. He has never tooken me to a club. is it because i have a daughter?? My mom has babysit for us plenty of times so i dont get it. ummm this is difficult. i jus feel like i never got closure.. but i do love him and i do want to be with him.
sotired Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 He never takes you to the club because there are girls there that he has hooked up with or is trying to hook up with. Just because he's never broken up with you doesn't mean he loves you. He will never change. Won't even own up to what he did....Your child deserves a much better father figure than that.
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