LoveLace Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 ...because I only see him at work! I work in a surgery center, so he's one of the many dr.'s of anthestiology (crap I doubt that's spelled right!) that runs around...most of them keep to themselves pretty well and don't socialize much...for the most part he's quiet, too. But for a couple months now I've began to think he's pretty attractive...then I finally got some eye games going...but someone told me he's married...aw crap. One day at work we actually struck up a casual conversation and asked him about medical school, etc...so still professional, not too personal...it was the most words I've heard come out of his mouth...anyway I kept it brief as I heard he was married..but did find out that he's exactly my age, 32. THEN I find out he's NOT married and he actually tried to date another co-worker several months ago...the story goes that SHE wanted to go way too fast for him, so he wasn't interested anymore. (I mean sexually fast)...so ever since that conversation, he smiles and says "hi how are you" everytime he sees me now...but this friendliness remains minimal around others....so I picked up the eye games again and smile and say hi...but it's always in quick passing, there is rarely more than a moment to stop and chat...it's not a good idea to give other co-workers the impression that a tech is dating one of the Dr.s...not that it would be breaking rules, just too unprofessional to let it show... Today I passed by and smiled at him several times, then ONE trusty co-worker who knows about my crush, confirmed that he was majorly checking me out. At the end of the day, he stopped to ask me if a patient left a urine sample....he could have just ask the patient that though...so I agreed to help him with this info and in the process I managed to say something funny and we both laughed...he seems fairly shy, but he must not be TOO shy if he asked out another co-worker once.. So I figure he's definitely getting interested, and it's probably best to just keep the game going for now? ..and eventually at some miracle of a right time and place at work, when it's not obvious to everyone, he'll ask me out? That kind of time and place RARELY happens there...and I only see him once or twice a week...someone told me to slip him a note but if he's not interested, I couldn't look at him ever again! Thanks
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I've got a crazy idea but hear me out. You ready? How about you show him that you are interested? Wild isn't it? Start off by having a conversation with him the next time you run into him. Ask him what his hobbies are, what he does when he's not drugging people, you can be really bold and ask if he has a GF. Just try to find out more stuff about him. Also don't be afraid to lightly touch him. If he's got half a brain he should figure out that you are interested
Author LoveLace Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I've got a crazy idea but hear me out. You ready? How about you show him that you are interested? Wild isn't it? Start off by having a conversation with him the next time you run into him. Ask him what his hobbies are, what he does when he's not drugging people, you can be really bold and ask if he has a GF. Just try to find out more stuff about him. Also don't be afraid to lightly touch him. If he's got half a brain he should figure out that you are interested Not crazy at all, I just didn't know how to go about it... Well it'll be quite a while before I can strike up a conversation like that, there is usually WAY too many other people around and it would be like putting on a show to clearly start flirting with the doc like that...last we time we really chatted, we were the only ones around on a day when only a few people are staffed. Most other days, 75 people are staffed...so I guess I'll just keep up the eyes, and wait for that day...
bean1 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 [quote=LoveLace;2114019 THEN I find out he's NOT married and he actually tried to date another co-worker several months ago...the story goes that SHE wanted to go way too fast for him, so he wasn't interested anymore. (I mean sexually fast)...so ever since that conversation, he smiles and says "hi how are you" everytime he sees me now...but this friendliness remains minimal around others....so I picked up the eye games again and smile and say hi...but it's always in quick passing, there is rarely more than a moment to stop and chat...it's not a good idea to give other co-workers the impression that a tech is dating one of the Dr.s...not that it would be breaking rules, just too unprofessional to let it show... Too unprofessional to let it show? Like how YOU already know that he tried to date another coworker but she "was too sexually fast" for him? Yeah, right! So he's a doctor who likes to date/flirt with the techs/nurses, already known for unprofessional behaviour (that sort of detail seriously qualifies for that)? See it for what it is and not what the belly butterflies tell you.
Author LoveLace Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Too unprofessional to let it show? Like how YOU already know that he tried to date another coworker but she "was too sexually fast" for him? Yeah, right! So he's a doctor who likes to date/flirt with the techs/nurses, already known for unprofessional behaviour (that sort of detail seriously qualifies for that)? See it for what it is and not what the belly butterflies tell you. Yes, too unprofessional....I found out a year AFTER the fact that he tried to date her...I never knew it, or noticed, nor did anyone else...I only know because a close source told me. So they obviously kept it under the rug, professionally. If you saw where I work, you'd understand why that's pretty important...and he did not have sex with her (again, close source)...apparently SHE expressed wanting to fool around too soon for him, so he dumped her. This is what the girl herself told my source. So if you ask me, that sounds like he's a respectable guy...and trust me, I believe this girl tried to get too permiscuous with him...she's been caught making out with guys in the work parking lot before, and she was looked WAY down upon because of it...he must not have known that, because obviously a fast-moving reputation is not what he wants, or he would have fked her... She's always known for being a chronic liar, and ever since she found out about my crush...she purposely tells stories when I'm around that he textes her in the middle of the night (and oh she's engaged to be married)...the source told me this is NOT true because he lost interest immediately after the 1st date...and I've NEVER seen him even say hi to or acknowledge her...even her close source and friend, told me it's all lies and she's just trying to get a reaction out of me...I"m tellin you, this girl is messed up...and I get from the way he presents himself, that he doesn't want trash like that...yet he certainly does not come off as cocky, at all...just shy.
bean1 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Don't get yourself dragged into that mess! I doubt it is that under the rug, just because it takes that long to get around to you, doesn't mean tons of other people don't know about it. Believe me, I am on your side in this, I let myself get sucked into a similar mess (and I said all the same things that you are saying). I have a hard time believing that an intelligent man such as himself (assuming so as he has his MD and has been on more than 1 date in his life) is so vulnerable to a succubus. He's 32, come on, he KNOWS the game. It actually doesn't make sense when you look at it. If it doesn't make sense, something is up. Do what you want, but you'd be suprised the kind of things people will say about you behind your back. It will spread like wildfire. If and when it ends, it will be painful.
Star Gazer Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Seeing as he's asked out another co-worker before, he's clearly not afraid of asking out a co-worker IF he's interested. Therefore, IF he's really interested, he will ask you out. DO. NOT. CHASE.
Lucky555 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Seeing as he's asked out another co-worker before, he's clearly not afraid of asking out a co-worker IF he's interested. Therefore, IF he's really interested, he will ask you out. DO. NOT. CHASE. I agree with stargazer. Let him come to you. Do talk and seem interested when he does!
7117 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I agree make him ask you out.He has asked aonther in the past so if he likes you than he will.Trust me I know how bad it sucks to wait when you think you like somebody but it will be sooooo uncomfortable for months if he says no.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2009 Author Posted April 2, 2009 My co-worker friend that caught him check me out yesterday, caught him again today...she said he noticed me walk by him while he was writing, then he looked up and watched me walk by...then she said he looked at her, as though he was just busted, she was laughing when she told me.. I wouldn't worry about me chasing, because the extent of chasing I feel comfortable with at work is smiling and "how are you"...just as he's been doing...I'm not comfortable with advancing conversation or flirting with him there, period...unless he were to initiate it...even then I would always be thinking of all the people around who might notice. BUT, in a couple weeks there is a big retirement party for a Dr. of ours that is leaving...probably the entire OR staff will be there...the co-worker who keeps catching him, said we could go together. 1st of all, it's a chance to get dressed up nice and go be social...if not this Dr, surely ONE of them will notice how much better I look when I'm not wearing scrubs ...he's not the only one that's cute and single...hehe Anyway, I figure this is an opportunity for us to chat more, in a more appropriate setting. Also perfect time to ask me out, but if that doesn't happen, like I said, there are others...it's a matter of learning who's single and who's married; because they don't all wear bands while they work, from what I"m told. There is even a story that says surgeons have been known to wear rings, just to avoid destraction!! (even if single)...some of the girls there say that we all have a "work husband"...and one of them named him mine; it's all a joke but they don't seem shy about saying who THEIR crushes are, too...our crushes can even change from week to week (that's how many Dr.'s run around!)so the whole thing is kinda fun in a way. If he finds out, so what, that's not as bad as being caught making out in the car like the other chick! lol And if he knows, and likes me, it should get him to step up, anyhow...I guess, who knows...
BCCA Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Seeing as he's asked out another co-worker before, he's clearly not afraid of asking out a co-worker IF he's interested. Therefore, IF he's really interested, he will ask you out. DO. NOT. CHASE. This is really false. I'm interested in plenty of people that I dont work up the nerve to ask out. And a lot of times, we as men feel as though our 'window' closes pretty quickly on these things. Women are fickle with their interests, as Im sure men are as well. If you dont strike when the iron is red hot, which you may not even know when exactly that is, it is usually too late. It's so funny to hear women embrace this old fashioned courting, yet thats the only 'old fashioned' part of the relationship they want. In these modern times, or equality and such, why not just maybe, oh I dont know - ask him out? Ask him what hes doing this weekend? As much as men get flack for 'sitting on their butts and not doing anything', it seems thats exactly what women want to do. He may be very bad at reading body language, as most men are, and be on the fence about wether youre interested or not. And at work, we tend to be even more cautious. Listen, it's 2009. If you like a guy, don't just sit on your hands and hope that he asks you out one day. Be modern, its ok to make a move yourself.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 This is really false. I'm interested in plenty of people that I dont work up the nerve to ask out. Then, with all due respect, then you're not a man I'd want to date. I want (and have) a man who's confident enough to go after what he wants. Besides, in this instance, the dude has already chased after something he wanted before - LL's colleague. Therefore, he's not the type to lose his nerve. And why should she CHASE him to get second place?
stepka Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Lovelace, I am going thru a similar situation at work right now so I'll be watching this with interest. Also I'm not deterred by shy men--it even adds to the attraction somewhat, b/c it is usually the most intelligent ones who are like that, and I def want an intelligent man. I just found out today that he's probably not married, but I say probably b/c his closest coworker has never heard him mention a wife or girlfriend, b/c he is extremely private about his life, so that's kind of interesting. Well I'll be flashing my blues for sure.
melodymatters Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Gentleman, sometimes we know a posters history well enough that we tailor our replies specifically to THEM. I believe this is the case here, as Stargazer and myself have been rooting for lovelace and her romances for like three years now, and in too many cases, she pursued too much, too soon or too often. So, knowing that history, I agree with SG, keep up the friendly flirting, but let HIM chase YOU. Sorry everyone, but that still works the best, at least in the beginning !
Chicago_Guy Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Then, with all due respect, then you're not a man I'd want to date. I want (and have) a man who's confident enough to go after what he wants. Besides, in this instance, the dude has already chased after something he wanted before - LL's colleague. Therefore, he's not the type to lose his nerve. And why should she CHASE him to get second place? It's not a competition, so how does she end up in second place? She doesn't have to ask him out, but if she has a major crush on him, she can just be friendly and nice to him and eventually he'll figure it out. It's human nature to like women who like us, so just being friend to him may help nudge him toward asking you out.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Gentleman, sometimes we know a posters history well enough that we tailor our replies specifically to THEM. I believe this is the case here, as Stargazer and myself have been rooting for lovelace and her romances for like three years now, and in too many cases, she pursued too much, too soon or too often. Ding ding ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! So, knowing that history, I agree with SG, keep up the friendly flirting, but let HIM chase YOU. Sorry everyone, but that still works the best, at least in the beginning ! Spot on! LL, just because he's checking you out doesn't necessarily mean he's interested in you romantically. He's a man. Men are visual creatures. For now, consider it a nice little boost in the ego, and flirt away. But don't chase!
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 It's not a competition, so how does she end up in second place? Because initially he chose to date her colleague rather than her. That means he was more interested in the colleague than LL. To me, that's second place, and settling for scraps. No thank you.
Author LoveLace Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 Because initially he chose to date her colleague rather than her. That means he was more interested in the colleague than LL. To me, that's second place, and settling for scraps. No thank you. Well, I've worked there a year, and until just 2-3 months ago, I never thought he was cute, not interested, he barely existed to me...and I didn't know his co-worker history until AFTER I noticed him...so if it took him this long to notice me as well, I haven't thought of it as 2nd place in the slightest. I think she's trash and I'm not the slightest bit threatened by her or her history. She is not all that attractive; he probably considered that 21 isn't too young, until he got stuck with her for 2 hours! Then, you realize her age pretty quick. A young wealthy surgeon is probably going to be picky because well, he's wealthy. So this is nothing to f*k around with, hehe...he's not so hot that it intimidates me, but I do feel shy when he's around...he has beautiful blue eyes that I've been caught looking into, and someone said my blue eyes are like his...oh the suspense. We have those those cocky Dr's that are good eye candy...but he's not one of them...he's way more mysterious and reserverd...I like it... All I can do is keep being friendly as always, but keep it minimal...today I walked by and smiled a couple time but I didn't speak...I tried to keep appearing busy...I have yet to even say, "Good morning Dr. Pepper!"...I"m nervous about how he'd take that kind of enthusiastic greeting sometime...but I guess it's a way to show a little interest without stepping outside the professional lines...that would be a step up from "Hi, how are you"..."good"...why not try it and see how he reacts...I'm changing up the routine here, so he'll either smile and say it back, or he'll just politely nod...that would be enough to know if he wants to keep it professional, or get physical I don't know, just an idea.
Star Gazer Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Well, I've worked there a year, and until just 2-3 months ago, I never thought he was cute, not interested, he barely existed to me... So, in other words... you're interested now only because you think he is...
melodymatters Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 So, in other words... you're interested now only because you think he is... I pondered this statement a bit, and decided that even if thats the case, there's nothing wrong with that either. For one, I don't pursue men, so the ones I end up dating all showed interest in me first. Also, people have different things going on in their lives at different times, and timing as we know, counts for a LOT. I believe Art critic met his current wife numerous times on business, but when they met up through match, well the rest is history, with a baby !
Star Gazer Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I pondered this statement a bit, and decided that even if thats the case, there's nothing wrong with that either. Generally speaking, Mel... I'd agree with you. However, this is LL we're talking about.
Author LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 So, in other words... you're interested now only because you think he is... Um, no, I just didn't bother to notice him until recently, don't ask me why. Actually, I saw him in regular clothes vs. scrub gear one day, and I thought hey he's cute!...then noticed no ring on his finger...then checked him out a good couple more times to basically confirm he's as cute as I suspected...you know, noticed his gorgeous blue eyes (why never before is a mystery) and whatever else made me think "yes, he's DEFINITELY cute!"...then I made a point to smile and say hi more often...and he does the same and he's been caught checking me out twice, too. I've been interested in him for a while before thinking he might be interested, at all. Even when we had an actual 5 minute chat one day, I didn't think he would be interested...but as of lately it appears to be a possibility, and nothing more. Also, I only see him once or twice a week because I'm part time. So it's been like a week since I've seen him now, but probably will see him tomorrow. So any progress made, if at all, will appear to be slowly and in bits and pieces. Plus if we are pretty busy, there can be days when we are both there, but never at the same time or place...I just have to keep going with the flow, and outside of work there always seems to be 1 other guy I'm into, so I see this as something I'd call a little extra fun that happens in another part of my social life..
Author LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I pondered this statement a bit, and decided that even if thats the case, there's nothing wrong with that either. Yes, not the case for me here, but if it was...who cares...I don't see how it really matters...someone always has to be 1st interested one...I've been on both sides of that fence, plenty, and either way there's 2 possible outcomes: it either leads to something, or it doesn't.
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