Author Lucky555 Posted April 2, 2009 Author Posted April 2, 2009 You are definitely onto something. I would also recommend the book Why Men Marry Bitches. It's not about being a bitch -- it's about having your own life and passions and not NEEDING a man. Works both ways. I have never been the one to initiate upping the commitment ante in relationships, as that is what has come naturally to me. The approach that has always felt right to me is to participate in the relationship on the level it's at, without specific expectations around future intensification of commitment. If we're sitting at one level for too long without progress, I naturally start to pull back out of self-protection. If things aren't progressing as I want them to, my interest and investment start to stall. Should it get to that point, my partner inevitably picks up on this, then himself initiates the next level of commitment (exclusivity, I love you, future plans, etc.). I have never once initiated any of these commitment landmarks. Being cool about this seems to arouse a lot of fire and desire within men. One of the principles in the Bitch book is that the more rational/cool/non-emotional the woman is, the more emotional the man becomes -- natural balance of energy. Though I am well in touch with my emotions, I communicate with logic and rational arguments as my foundation, always. I don't get angry and worked up, even in the most heated arguments. I stick to the facts. This seems to have a very powerful effect on men. I was talking about this with a friend recently, and we agreed that the woman (if she's smart) is always in control of the relationship and where it's going. But a wise woman knows how to make the man feel as though he's actually the one in control. I totally agree with you. 100%
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