gormley Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I've read quite a few threads about trial separation. To cut a long story short we have been together for 10 years and married for only 16 months. We have 2 lovely girls (6 & 3) and my family is the most important thing in my life. We went thru a terrible time just after marrying from outside stress which caused a lot of arguing but came thru and things seemed to be going well. Then I got the lines that everyone else gets "I need space, too much has happened... etc". She said she wanted to move out and I agreed to it (even though it's not what I want). We've been apart for 2 weeks and have maturely sorted out child visitation, contact with each other, dating etc (template contract from "How controlled separation can save your marriage"). We are going to review the situation again in 3 months. She has left 4 or 5 times, for weeks to a couple of months, in the past but always to stay with her parents. This is the first time she has moved into a rented house. All the other posts seem to be met with "move on its already over comments". Are there any couples who have got beynd this for the better? Are advice along the way is appreciated. Many thanks
CM2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Well I'm going through it now, the first couple of days its kind of rough. But this gives you time to really think about your relationship like I've been doing and you'll begin to see little things here and there about yourself and your spouse. Whatever your faith or religion is I'd say draw closer to it, take time out and take care of you. I'm at the point where I was thinking "I wanna go back to my wife, I miss her," to now "Do I really want her back." You build your confidence within yourself to the point where you say "If we don't make it, i'll be fine." Sure I'd love my wife back but it's not that much of a need to me right now. A funny thing happend though the last few days my wife has been text'n me, calling me especially after I told her I was leaving town for a few days, it kinda caught her off guard. Make her sweat a little bit!!!
pparrott Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Gormley - All situations, as you will hear are different. Mine was a success story. I moved out. We did marriage counseling, which helped a little. But, we never had a NC rule. We hardly spoke over the first few months. After a few months of counseling, we started "dating" each other. After a solid year of living apart, we are now living together again. But, being apart for a year, is a LONG time. Lots of things happen. Not only did we have to repair the damage from BEFORE when I left, but new issues have come up. BUT, we are being patient with each other & are trying very hard to make it work. We think it's worth it. I know some people don't think their marriages are worth saving. It just depends how you feel about it. Good Luck to you. If you want something bad enough......it'll happen
Author gormley Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Thanks guys. I think the biggest unanswerable I have is why do I want her back. There are quite a few problems we need to sort out most of which I have taken responsibility for. I'm not sure that I want her back just to ease the pain that I'm in now and to end the uncertainty and the gnawing loneliness now the kids aren't around as much. I suppose the "space" will help us decide that - I just hope we come to the same conclusion and that we can progress. She has agreed to counselling which we have dabbled with in the past. Anymore stories out there.
CM2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 That's what im wrestling with right now is if I want her back and put up with the same bs again, I know I had a lot to do with it as well. I'm a challenge taker and I don't wanna take the easy road out. Sometimes that's how you have to look at it, as a challenge and probably the greatest challenge of your life. If you feel if it's worth saving then by all means save your marriage.
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