snoguy986 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This will be a bit of a novel, so make sure you have some time on your hands. Back in mid-February, my (now ex) girlfriend and I broke up after dating a little over a year. I know that's nothing compared to some of the breakups I've read about on here, but still. We broke up over mutual differences. Both of us just had things about the other person that we couldn't handle. We had been rocky for months, and in the back of my head I felt like it was inevitable. A few days after we've broken up, we're chatting online and she wants to get us back together. She wanted to fix things and try to change. I was hesitant because I felt that after a year that nothing would change between us. I would be who I am and she would be who she was. I finally say I would think about it, because I truly loved her and missed her and missed being with her. She tells me that there is something that she wants me to know before I think about it and make my decision. The day before we broke up, she was at her ex's house (they were best friends, more on this later) just hanging out and she ended up sleeping with him. At this point, I had never been cheated on in my life. I had seen the concept on television and read about it in articles and books and never stopped to think how I would deal with it if it ever happened to me. I honestly thought that I was the type of guy who showed as much love as I could muster and care about someone more than life itself to not even consider being cheated on a possibility. I ended the conversation and went out with a friend to talk about it, because I knew if I didn't I'd do something stupid. After talking with my friend and calming down a bit I realized that I would never be able to take her back. The thought of her and her ex together like that just disgusted me to no end and I didn't know if I could ever speak to her again. I sent her an email telling her how I felt about things and we didn't talk for a while, mainly because I felt like I needed space, to be away from her and the drama until my head cleared. We start talking again, and we get along fine for a few weeks. A few weeks ago she texts me while I'm at work and in this conversation she tells me that she's dating her ex again. Despite my best efforts, I lost my composure. The conversation became a heated argument, with her being the child for the most part in the argument, and the friendship was ended that day. A week later, she texts me wanting to reconcile things. After texting for a few hours, things were ended on a more adult and permanent basis. Fast forward to today. We haven't spoke since that discussion. And I can't seem to move on. I don't know how to let things go. I keep letting thoughts of the past into my head and think how good the times used to be. Despite my best efforts, despite what she did, despite our differences, I still care for her. I don't want to though. I feel as thought if I try and start another relationship with someone that I'd be bringing all that with me and will most likely spell doom from the start. I want to move on with my life. I've absorbed myself in work, friends, things I enjoy, and taking up new hobbies and none of these things get this crap off my mind in a permanent sense. I hate having her in my head still, but I can't seem to help letting my mind drift to the life that we had. Is there anyone who can help me get a clean slate? Any advice will be most appreciated. Thank you.
boldjack Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Snoguy, memories are permanent, you will never forget. The good news is that you remember the good times, the bad news is that you remember the bad. I think what you are doing now with your job and your hobbies will help to mellow your anxiety and will eventually allow you to move on. You should consider "no contact", as well. Texting and e-mails from her will only keep her on your mind and make it harder for you to progress.(Maybe that's what she wants anyway). You know she's no good for you and that you could never trust her, so go NC and look to the future. Good Luck
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