lonely_star Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm new to here guys and in need of some good advice. I have a partner of 5 years, i'm 25, he's a young 30. We've got the house, cats etc etc, and spend a lot of time together. But I feel lonely. I feel like something is missing. Its strange? It's not like anythings suddently happened, its been a slow progression. Our relationship has always been fun and jovial, our friends say they admire the way we are together.. we have a laugh and we take the piss out of eachother for a wind up. But over the past couple of years I have started to feel like he takes things a little too far. He says i'm a fatty and that im a hypercondiac whenever i'm ill. He calls me so many names, he says them in a jokey way but i sorta know he means it. I lost 3 stone 2 years ago eventualy I started to make myself sick and he knows this, and now i've put it back on and so i'm depressed about it, i want to be thinner but i dont want him telling me it would do me good to go on a diet, and would make me feel better about myself. If he was that worried about making me feel better about myself why would he call me fatty, chubs, butch. He's also said things along the lines of me not being girly and that women are meant to be delicate and gracefull. It makes me feel like crap. Again, he does say it jockingly but its obviouse he means it. I know he must be peed that i've put weight on... and because i'm a student I dont have the money to buy new clothes to make the most out of what i've got (size 16). He's always critising what i'm wearing but what can I do about it? Then there's the sex .. I went off it a year or so ago when I started putting weight on and i DID turn him down a fair few times. But we have ALWAYS had brill sex when we've had a drink.... and he doesn;t even try then now? I've been going to bed the past week topless with the idea that it might turn him on or make him think i might be up for it, but it all i've got when i've tried to talk to him is 'im tired, i came to bed to read then go to bed, if you wanted to chat you should have done it when we were downstairs'... but he is always just watching the telly and i feel i don't have his 100 percent attention. I know you might think i'm mad saying this after all of the above, but i love this man. I want to feel close to him. I want him to want me. To open up to me... i know something is missing. I love him more than anything he means the world to me and i just want everything to be ok. I dont ever want anyone else.
cachaca Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Perhaps you need to spend some time apart...relatives? It will give the both of you time to think about your own needs. When you meet up again there should be obvious chemistry...if not, it might be time to move on. (btw, translation for those of us not using British English, a "stone" equals 14Lbs)
DayDreamer75 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I think only you can decide what's the best for you. The only advice I can give you is talk to him. I think women and men are very different and your man simply can't understand what you are feeling and what you are going through unless you have an open and sincere dialogue with him. Don't let the unspoken problems make your relationship worse. If you speak to him and you find that he does not care about what you have to say than you're better off without him in any case. But at least you would know that you made all the possible efforts to save this relationship and it simply is not working out for you.
Author lonely_star Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 thanks guys. I think that is what i'm having problems with... women and men ARE different and i know he doesn't see things from my point of view. Im a deep person, i think a lot about things and i am interested in what other people think about things... and he just doesn't get it. My only other ltr was with a bloke who was the same as me...he was feminine in his thoughts. It's not that I want my ex back, we didnt work out...but i just want him to be like that SOMETIMES. Its strange... sometimes i want to shake him and say, have some bloody emotion.... react! Maybe thats why we have been bickering a lot... i want to feel what he's feeling, i want to see and hear it.
DayDreamer75 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Than talk to him. and make sure that you create an environment where he can't talk. Men often don't like talking about their feelings and emotions. But I don't think it's their fault. This is the way they have been grown by their parents and the society. I don't know why it's considered ok for girls to cry and openly express their emotions and why, on the other hand, boys should not cry and should not talk about their feelings. Unfortunately we take into our adulthood what we've been taught since we were newly born.
Author lonely_star Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Ok, so we had a chat.. well i left this page open and he read it. Hmmm. So he said i'm ungrateful and i don't appreciate anything nice he does for me (like the washing up once a month...) and if i hate him that much we should just split up, and about the nasty things he says to me... well apparently i USED to be fun and i shouldnt take things to heart. and i shud know he loves me and that he doesnt mean the things he said... so after this rant i said one thing... how do i know that if you dont touch me anymore. Maybe he heard me, maybe he didnt, but he didnt say anything and after 2 mins said i'm going to bed. And thats it. Help.
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