fral945 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Two questions for men: 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them?
bayouboi Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Two questions for men: 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them? Speaking on a pure physical level, with my ex wife I felt that she was attractive enough that I liked sleeping with her, but unattractive enough that other men wouldn't come snooping around. As messed up as that sounds, she still ended up cheating on me. Perhaps I'm partly to blame because maybe I didn't treasure her as much as I would have with someone more attractive. This more answers your #2 question first in that I was unsuccessful at acquiring a loyal mate by lowering my expectations, which leads to #1 in that now I try to be with a woman that is prettier than I am. Which I'm currently enjoying
Stockalone Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? I dated because I was looking for a LTR. So for me, there is no difference. 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them? I am either attracted to a woman or I am not. There are many women that I find attractive but at the same time I am not attracted/drawn to all of those attractive women. Normally, I can't even pinpoint what makes the difference.
clv0116 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 This is gonna be hard to explain and I'm gonna get my a** beaten for expressing my opinion. Where do I sign up? 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? It's tricky. She has to be pretty enough, or it's just not gonna happen. Past that level, looking better is a plus but not a big one. Also some aspects are more important than others. For instance a pretty face and fit body go a long way, whereas a coke bottle figure is nice but not such a big deal. I don't understand the second part of the question. 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them? No. Why would I do that?
Sibyl Vane Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 This is gonna be hard to explain and I'm gonna get my a** beaten for expressing my opinion. Where do I sign up? Were you holding back? Please don't. I'm sure if this was asked of women you'd get a laundry list of reasons why they need someone they are "at least" attracted to.
Bejita463 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? I held no concern for it at all, prior to my failed marriage. After that, I decided that I'd trivialized an aspect that ended up being important to me. 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them? Depends on how you measure success. My ex-wife was someone I was attracted to and care for mentally, but was about as unattractive to me physically as she could have been. A lot of that was her horrible attitude towards improving or maintaining her looks in any way. To be a bit more descriptive, even cleaning her hair often enough it didn't look oily was apparently too much work to please me. I ended up resenting the fact I made constant effort to maintain a pleasant appearance and physique and she did not. I didn't really HAVE standards to have lowered, but all the same I consider it a failure. I can't ever see myself in a relationship lacking physical attraction again.
flash582 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Wow .... what a loaded question. How far have you lowered your standards on a man's income, penis length, attractiveness, intelligence, or emotional connectivity? When I married at the age of 20 I was mainly concerned with looks. what I consider Beautiful is much different today than 20 years ago. I can consider a woman very beautiful until she opens her mouth ... and I can consider a woman not very attractive until I get to know her a bit better. In a LTR it's the whole package that makes a woman attractive. My concept of physical beauty is shaped by my mind as much as my eyes. I find the idea that I am "lowering my standards" more than just a little insulting.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My personal philosophy on meeting girls has stayed pretty constant for a while now. Bear in mind that I'm 22, so as I get older, I openly admit this could change. I nearly always seek out women who are balanced on three different variables: intelligence, personality, and physical beauty. She needs to possess all 3 to a good extent, although she doesn't have to be some superhuman who epitomizes all of them. Physical beauty is very important to me when I seek out a long-term relationship simply because, at this point in my life, I don't feel like I have any reason to settle for anything less. There ARE girls out there somewhere who have a lot in common with me, who can keep up a great conversation, who are really smart and could maybe teach me a thing or two, who also happen to be really hot. Being as picky as I am does leave me pretty lonely for extended periods of time, but I'm a patient guy, and my patience is currently paying off with a wonderful lady I soon hope to call my girlfriend. Call me shallow, but without what I consider physical beauty, I'm unlikely to ever give a girl any attention beyond just being a friend. There's a stereotype about attractive women being more airheaded/vapid, but I've found it to be false. It's pretty evenly distributed. I've met plenty of women who were large enough to have their own gravitational pull that acted just as conceited and vain as how you'd expect a swimsuit model to act. With that in mind, even if I meet someone with a fine personality, I always think to myself "There's someone out there who has this but is also really hot. Just be patient."
Athena Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 There are many women that I find attractive but at the same time I am not attracted/drawn to all of those attractive women. Normally, I can't even pinpoint what makes the difference. An individual woman's pheromones?
Author fral945 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I don't understand the second part of the question. IOW, if you keep failing or have yet to find success with the physical caliber of women you have dated have you try lowering your expectations or standards? And did it work if you did?
Author fral945 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I am either attracted to a woman or I am not. There are many women that I find attractive but at the same time I am not attracted/drawn to all of those attractive women. Normally, I can't even pinpoint what makes the difference. Understandable, I feel the same way. But have you gone below what you generally consider physically attractive before? And has it worked out if you did?
clv0116 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 IOW, if you keep failing or have yet to find success with the physical caliber of women you have dated have you try lowering your expectations or standards? And did it work if you did? I don't understand "Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating?"
BobSacamento Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 When dating I'm looking first for is how attractive the person is. That's pretty much what gets someone to the first date. After that it's pretty much what the woman has to say. Basically physical beauty is important but personality and intelligence far outweigh that when going long term.
sunny20 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Probably depends on how mature you are. A mature man would be able to recognize more than physical attractiveness and realize that looks fade...if they are looking for a wife then personality would be MUCH more important than looks. My fiance always said that of course a woman must be physically attractive for him to want to make that initial contact but in order for him to stay interested she must also have a good personality. I'm obviously a girl but that's just what I have heard from friends, my fiance, and my brother. LTR= little emphasis on beauty...Hooking Up= incredible emphasis on beauty.
Loxx Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I think looks are a bonus. Its the initial quality that attracts us, however if your looking long term, personality is key. But i guess depends on what your standards are, dont go repulsive!!! Then there probably wouldnt be any sexual chemistry, but dont go for perfection either. Middle ground. My ex wife was extremely pretty. When we would go out most men would check her out. however she became very ugly to me after so many years due to her personality.
amymarieca Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Wow .... what a loaded question. How far have you lowered your standards on a man's income, penis length, attractiveness, intelligence, or emotional connectivity? When I married at the age of 20 I was mainly concerned with looks. what I consider Beautiful is much different today than 20 years ago. I can consider a woman very beautiful until she opens her mouth ... and I can consider a woman not very attractive until I get to know her a bit better. In a LTR it's the whole package that makes a woman attractive. My concept of physical beauty is shaped by my mind as much as my eyes. I find the idea that I am "lowering my standards" more than just a little insulting. I agree. The person who wrote this thread has got to be younger than 21. People who are mature don't place this much emphasis on looks. I had a crush on a guy who was about 300lbs once because he was such an awesome person and exuded confidence. I have had crushes on men who look like models and then hate them the second they open their mouth. Attraction is so much more than physical appearance.
clv0116 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Probably depends on how mature you are. A mature man would be able to recognize more than physical attractiveness and realize that looks fade. This is a typical incorrect female response. By and large men will always be attracted first by beauty and later by other things. Later he remembers her this way, because of the love he feels. In the words of Michael Johnson, "She's still turning 18, and turning his head" for the duration of the relationship.
Author fral945 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I agree. The person who wrote this thread has got to be younger than 21. People who are mature don't place this much emphasis on looks. I had a crush on a guy who was about 300lbs once because he was such an awesome person and exuded confidence. I have had crushes on men who look like models and then hate them the second they open their mouth. Attraction is so much more than physical appearance. Good for you but I’m interested in men’s opinions and not women’s as stated in the original post.
CommitmentPhobe Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Two questions for men: 1) What degree would you say you place on a woman’s physical attractiveness when looking for a long term relationship? Is it less, more, or no different than when you are dating? 2) Have any of you had any success by lowering your expectations for physical beauty? If so, how far did you lower them? By and large, I think if a man is well adjusted he'll find his level of compatibility attraction wise and seek out women in that range with a compatible personality. I don't think lowering expectations works, nor do I think it's healthy to work on scoring a member of the opposite sex based solely on how attractive they are on a wider basis. Thus for me the emphasis is high on both attributes, but not on a "wider" basis. I wouldn't always chase models for example. Couples appear to be happy with a similar level of attractiveness, it's partly about being able to relate to each other. This does not only operate for couples who would be perceived to be at a high level of attractiveness by society. Part of a humans great attributes is being able to adapt to their own set of circumstances. Then there are the men who only chase a certain level of attractiveness despite adding nothing into that mix... these are the men trying to fill a void.
Author fral945 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I don't think lowering expectations works, nor do I think it's healthy to work on scoring a member of the opposite sex based solely on how attractive they are on a wider basis. Thus for me the emphasis is high on both attributes, but not on a "wider" basis. I wouldn't always chase models for example. I agree. I’m interested to know if you’ve lowered your expectations of attractiveness on the individual level (what you find attractive), not relative to what others or society thinks. Based on your statements it sounds like you wouldn’t.
carhill Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 An individual woman's pheromones? Yes. Of this I have no doubt
CommitmentPhobe Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I agree. I’m interested to know if you’ve lowered your expectations of attractiveness on the individual level (what you find attractive), not relative to what others or society thinks. Based on your statements it sounds like you wouldn’t. No, because there's no need to do it. These expectations were set quite young in my life when I figured out which type of women I could attract on a physical level.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'm uncertain about this need to delineate between external and internal attraction. You're either attracted or you're not. If you get to know someone and the chemistry starts to go mad, you're not going to step back and say, they could be better looking, do you? That's unfathomable.
GorillaTheater Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 When I married at the age of 20 I was mainly concerned with looks. what I consider Beautiful is much different today than 20 years ago. I can consider a woman very beautiful until she opens her mouth ... and I can consider a woman not very attractive until I get to know her a bit better. In a LTR it's the whole package that makes a woman attractive. My concept of physical beauty is shaped by my mind as much as my eyes. Couldn't agree more. As for my standards, I think they're pretty reasonable: hard and fast on some issues, fairly flexible on most. So no, I would never consider lowering them. But by the same token, I haven't been "in the market" for over 25 years, so I haven't followed up beyond merely noticing one level of attractiveness or another.
Stockalone Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 An individual woman's pheromones? That could be. Understandable, I feel the same way. But have you gone below what you generally consider physically attractive before? And has it worked out if you did? I don't think it is possible to try to change something that you can't control. I like what I like. I have a favourite type and I also have types that do nothing for me. But I didn't choose certain physical attributes from a menu, what attracts me is IMO build-in. Or maybe it has evolved in a certain direction. But that was not a conscious process. That I am madly attracted is rare, that's okay though. I would be worried if I hardly ever see a woman that I find attractive, but that was never the case. Good for you but I’m interested in men’s opinions and not women’s as stated in the original post. Fral, Amy isn't wrong about this. There is more than physical attraction. Attraction is so much more than physical appearance. I'm uncertain about this need to delineate between external and internal attraction. You're either attracted or you're not. If you get to know someone and the chemistry starts to go mad, you're not going to step back and say, they could be better looking, do you? That's unfathomable. Attraction is a package deal. Personality and looks are important. But the OP was specifically asking about physical attractiveness and I thought it was because for most men, the first thing we notice about a woman we don't know, are her looks. From a distance, there is no way to tell whether or not a woman has a great personality. In that case, the first attraction is physical and that is how we make the decision to approach her or not. Personality can enhance or diminish the physical attraction quite a bit though. But I don't think that there is a way around it. There has to be some physical attraction. Things are different, when we already know the woman and know at least some things about her personality.
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