DreamerReality Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 We have been married for 7 years and we have 2 beautiful healthy kids, 5 year old son and 6 1/2 year old daughter. Our marriage started great I was runing a family owened Business and making really good money. My wife always asked for the best, new Mercedes, lui Vutton purses, expensive sun glasses, and the best money can buy in all items. I have always settle for not much just a few hobbies here and there. the family business was sold 3 years ago and i went to work for a local cell phone company. She was working as a office manager at a doctors office center. While i was working 80 hours a week making close to 2,000 per week to support our lifestyle and save some money. She told me she was having an after hour office meeting/celebration. I adviced her i didnt want her to go because it was happy hour and there was alcohol involved. She lied to me and went anyways. i was at work and she left our kids with her parents. Itried calling her many times between the hours of 5pm and 9:30 pm, out of the 15 calls she picked up 1 time and turned off her cell phone wich i heard several men laughing. I was upset and left my job. She finally called her sister at 9:30 pm to come pick her up because she was drunk. I asked her why she never answered my calls and she said she was having too good of a time. The next day i went to work at 6am and i changed all her incoming calls to my cell phone, then at 7am a man called her phone and i disquised my voice. he wanted to know if things were ok, then i confronted him, so i asked who was he and why was he calling my wife at 7am, he lied and told me he was her friends husband wich is a lie because i know him we went to her weeding and i knew the guys voice. Anyways i eneded loosing my job cause of me leaving early that night. In recent times my wife has made horrible choices and basically ruined my and her credits and has made a huge mess of finances. I have never forgiven her for that 1 night and my dreams are eating me Alive , I dream that she is cheating on me about 3 times a week. She is more into her needs then mines and it has shown it in the 7 years of our marriage. I feel im leaving my life for someone elses. As far as the kids goes. She is a great mother to them and takes great care of them. If i didnt have the kids i would have been divorced the night this whole incident happened. She wants us to go to counseling to work things out with her. I feel a counselor is not the solution for me. Any opinions?
plane addicted Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Start with the counseling, for sure. During the session you can ask about anything you want and the mediator will diffuse things so it's kind of nice to get things off your chest, withough harsh consequences or flying objects. It sounds like she is missing something in the marriage, and in herself. Sometimes people fill voids with material things. She may blame things on you, but remember, it may be more of a personal issue that is easier to blame on you. It doesn't mean there aren't things she may be missing in the marriage though. I think you should decide, all things aside, if you would be willing to stick by her if she has committed and act of infidellity, or not. That is a starting point.
2sure Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Is your wife an alcoholic? How often does she get sitter for the kids to go out with the people she works with? If she is not a recovering alcholic & has no habit of going out....I have to tell you: You telling her she could not go to happy hour after work because there would be alcohol seems overly controlling. That might be why she didnt take your calls and why someone called to see if everything was alright. If she does have an alcohol problem - that certainly needs to be addressed. You Lost your job because you left early one day? Is that even legal?? And if so...you really think thats your wife's fault? Your wife is open to MC....has she told you what kind of problems she would like to talk about there? Finances and credit can be big problems in any marriage. Giving up a Mercedes is something she should have been able to sacrifice easily when you had to change jobs. Now that have you lost this job - is she the main bread winner for the family?
Author DreamerReality Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 To answer some questions, My wife drinks maybe once in 2 weeks. She has never been an Alcoholic. I told her i didnt want her to go because 2 of the guys in the office like her and i was told by a mutual friend. I am not a control freak but I felt by her going she was going to put her self in a situation that was not in favor. I am going to go to counseling but they advised for me to go alone 2 to 3 times before we go together. She has a bad spending problem, last week we were broke but she went and bought 240.00 pair of jeans and some other close. i was like OMG woman are you serious. I truly feel she needs another man to support her cause i cant do it. as for me to loosing my job in 1 day. i broke a very serious rule as to i was the only one to cover my department from 5pm to 11pm in overtime. She is getting a 700.00 anual bonus this month. She has already counted in what she will be spending it on and its not me the kids or bills, its for a new Lui Vutton purse she wants..
Author DreamerReality Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 And she is the bread winner right now, with this economy it is very hard for me to find a job here. I did have an oportunity for a sales Job but it was working 60 hours a week and every weekend. Sadly i turned it down because first thing that came to my mind is while im at work making money for the family she would be out cheating on me again..
LakesideDream Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 It's very difficult to go from breadwinner / provider to unemployed and looking. For your own self image I suggest you take a job! The best you can find in say... the next week. You can always look to move up from there. Have you considered counseling? I could be helpful to aire your differences and conflicts with a third party. Remember though, it takes two to succeed with counseling if both don't give it your all. Counseling didn't work for me, tried 5 different counselors including a PHD and a MD Phyciatrist. But.. I hear on LS that they can be very helpful. Are you sure she actually cheated on you? However distasteful flirting and being vivacious is, if she didn't "cross that line" you may have much more to build on remaining. Oh... and welcome to LoveShack. There is a world of help and opinion available here. Lean on it.
Author DreamerReality Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I have tried talking to her many, many times. She recently Finished a lease on a Jaguar Type S- R yes the 450hp because she didnt want the reg she always wants the best. And i tried telling her to please lets get a reliable NEW car like a Honda or Toyota. Her reply was she is not that type the least she will take is a infinity. So after looking for high end 80,000 cars she had to settle for a used $35,000 2006 CLS-500 mercedes with only 9 months of warranty left on it. After getting the car the car has 2 bent wheels and has frame damage wich now costs $6,500.00 to repair. Guess what we cant repair it due to funds. And the car was bought AS IS. So again she made another bad decision. I tell her every one wants Champane with beer budget. We also swiched recently our cell phone company we were paying 120.00 per month on 2 cell phones. So we went with new company and she said she had to have a Blackberry cause of her boss and her new assignments so the guy gave me one also. But i warned her that the PDA plans are going to be much more then our 120.00 per month, she ignored what i said and were now paying 239.00 per month. Im ready to look for a wife that Doesnt Cheat on me and that is not so materialistic/makes better desicions. By the way last time i bought anything for myself was over a year ago and she doesnt remember to get me anything either.
2sure Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 When did she cheat on you? With whom? You mentioned that a guy called her cell phone the morning after she went out. You said he was asking if she was "alright". But in the same paragraph, you said her sister picked her up from the bar at 9:30 pm. That seems reasonable & even responsible. She didnt even take a ride home with a co-worker, she called her sister. When you had been calling her cell phone so many times while she was out, she probably mentioned to her co workers that you didnt like her being out , so one of them called to see if she got in trouble. Is this the cheating ? Your wife is way out of control with the spending. You know you cannot support the lifestyle she wants - and thats OK! Not many could. But is it possible you feel a little unmanned by this, a little insecure? Who wouldnt? I simply ask if these feelings might be making you feel insecure which makes you think she is cheating?
NYCmitch25 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This thread is all over the place - instead of looking at the details, marriage is for better or worse and honestly, you have children which seals the deal. I suggest that you try to work things out as long as you can get to to agree with it, if you can't then let this one end.
DayDreamer75 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This story seems so strange to me . You can't really tell your adult wife that she can't go out for the happy hour. Unless she's doing this often and every day I really thing this was a bit controlling. Maybe all of these problems stem from the fact that you want to have more controller over her and over your life and you're simply unable to have more control? As far as her spending goes, I agree, this is really excessive, but was not she like this when you married her? Did not you have your kids with her knowing that she was like this? Did she change recently?
confusedinkansas Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'm a little confused as well.......Is she cheating? ... OR is she just a spend-aholic? You don't mention having any evidence on an affair ~~ besides the phone call from another man. Did he say they were having an affair?
Author DreamerReality Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I am not insecure or a controll freak. I just want a wife that doesnt disappear for 5 hours and shows up drunk. I dont want a wife that drains a bank account when ever she feels like. yes i probably cant control her spending habits. Before i met her her I didnt know her spendings but her freinds told me she had good taste. She also covered up about the man that called her at 7am to see if she was ok. Would you call a married womans cell phone at 7am? I wouldnt dare. Plus the guy gave me a wrong name and hung up on me. Until thgis day i dont know who called but it was covered up well and her stories have changed on what happened in the 5 hours.
2sure Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 If my H were to grill me, call me 15 x, & accuse me of cheating - all because I went to happy hour with work - I might manifest my bitterness in shopping. MC, IC will help you both end this one way or another. Have the two of you discussed divorce?
Jo78 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I was buying the story until here: then at 7am a man called her phone and i disquised my voice. Really? He did not notice that it was not your wives voice but that of a man talking in a high pitched voice? This only works in cheesy movies.
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