chaosbucket Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Ok.here goes. Broke up with my ex of 2 years about 2 months ago, it was one of those supposed 'mutual' break ups (which never are, lets face it) cos we didn't want to drag each other down with our problems anymore.The problems weren't anything to do with going off each other or fancying each other less, but more so to do with our financial and social predicament, which made us both so depressed that we couldn't even talk things through without getting stressed and starting arguements.We figured a break up was best for us, to save us clinging to what wasn't working, although we didnt want to COMPLETELY rule out getting back together in the future. A couple of days after moving back in with my parents,I tried to get some closure on what had happened.He initially blamed most of the break-up on my insecurities, which i think had a lot to do with the amount of time he spent on the computer, which again couldnt be helped cos we didn't have hardly any friends nearby and no money to go out and enjoy ourselves! So i suppose you could say it was both our faults, and we later agreed on this. Anyway, I proceeded to sleep with him twice after returning to collect my things.It was during both these times that he told me he still loved me, but we couldnt be together due to the problems within ourselves.However, he gave me the notion that we COULD get back together in the future,under different circumstances and after taking time out to work on those problems.We had made it very clear though at this point that what we were doing (sleeping together) could not continue...but it did for a couple of weeks,in the form of text sex. (we've all been there!) afterwards id break down in tears for not having any self-control, but was also hurt that he wasn't exactly keeping his side of the bargain by replying to them! I called him for an explanation and he replied with 'of course i'm going to reply,i'm all alone at night!' This made me feel angry and used, even though he protested that he still cared.We then went a week without contact,i called him begging for a second chance,he refused,we go another week without contact,then finally decide to cut ties i.e block each other on facebook, msn etc.This did indeed work...until HE texted ME asking me how things were,that he'd been a bit harsh with me the last time we spoke, blah blah.I SHOULDNT HAVE i know but i emailed him,just telling him what he asked.Nothing about missing him,wanting him back.i made it out i was starting to get on with my life,and i suppose i was in a way...before he replied to the email saying 'ive missed you last couple days, been reminiscing.not good.think im just lonely in the flat' WHY??? If he knew it 'wasn't good' to be telling me these things, then why say so? what did he really mean by this? I could have said something like 'just **** off and leave me alone' but i didnt have the heart, I was still messed up over him.So my reply was friendly,wishing him well,saying i still care about him,but that we also have our own lives now. The next Saturday, i had to make a final trip to our old flat to collect the rest of my things.before leaving, i couldnt help texting him one last time to ask him if he fancied coffee-to this he replied 'i would find it VERY weird, im still a bit of a mess etc etc, but i am missing having you around and seeing you now would make things harder.' This was the last i heard from him.I told him i respected his decision and told him i just want him to be happy.Am I doing the right thing here? thing is, I love him and miss him like crazy and believe that things can work out given time...but how much time will it take, and by just being nice and giving him his space, will he realise what he's lost? by reading what i've told you here, would you say he still honestly still loves me and may have an ounce of regret? I'm so confused but i don't want to push him even further away!!!! And above all-How do I deal with the pain of knowing that it might work again,but when?? XXX
plane addicted Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Hmm, it is so much easier to help people with their problems, why is it hard to sort our own out? My first question is, when you say you two want a break, what does that mean? Do you want to go out and meet others in the interim or are you going to work on yourself and not have any relationship? If it is the second, and you both really love each other, why not just take a step back. Find separate places to live, and date. Without the money issues. Work through those things "alone" and still date. Don't weigh eachother down with personal problems. Keep it light. If I'm overly optimistic, I'm sorry! It sounds like you two love each other.
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