partlythere Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I feel I have a lot of issues with my boyfriend of 5 years. at the moment, the one that bugs me most is that, about 6 months ago i found his porn. even though i am in my early 20s and quite liberal in my thinking, i am still really disgusted by porn. the thought of him watching it makes me feel two feelings- 1. really, really, not attracted to him 2. kind of jealous, confused, hurt, angry. all the rest. he asks me to do things in bed that i am not yet comfortable with, and yes it could probably be more exciting, but i don't understand why he wants to watch porn instead of working through it with me. i guess, yes, i do find it intimiating as well. i'm a little chubby. i'm not confident. i don't do half the stuff those drug addicted slappers in porns do. anyway when i found his porn i got very upset and he deleted it, and i started laughing about it and joking with him, making fun of him in a way. a few nights ago, i was joking around and i said, 'well we could watch two chicks ... (fill in the blanks) and he was drunk so he put on a movie with that in it!!! I got very upset and asked him to turn it off, and he just said 'you wanted me to put this on!' and he wouldn't take it off for ages. that's when i realised he had an erection!!! so, after that ifind him rather less attractive, but i love him, so i am looking for some advice or help. thanks
JackJack Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Please do a search on porn threads here..there are tons! A good one is over in the marriage section.
PandorasBox Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Cut him loose! Then maybe you'll both be happier!
bean1 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 i don't do half the stuff those drug addicted slappers in porns do. Give it a try, you just might enjoy it :-) (And I'm a woman... my motto: keep his belly full and his balls empty - great sex keeps your man happy)
PandorasBox Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Yes, and make sure that while you're making HIM happy, that you're doing it because YOU want to as well, and that you're happy too! If you're not happy or not wanting to do what he wants etc, then its not worth it. Its not just about HIM.
Circe Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Love what Bean1 said! Copy that! When I was a lot younger (in my 20s) I thought all this porn stuff was horrible -- objectification of women and all that. And yes, there is more than a grain of truth in the idea that porn objectifies women. On the other hand, there is a recreational and fun/horny side to sex that a lot of women just never manage to get in touch with. You'd be surprised, if you keep an open mind, what you can enjoy. Go through his porn videos and pick out one or two you THINK you might like. Or better yet, go online and do some research. There is at least one book I know of that reviews erotic movies and tells women which ones are more geared for feminine tastes. Then you can rent or buy one or two and check them out for yourself. Have a few drinks with your boyfriend one evening and put one of them in. There is no sense in kicking against this fact: men are visually oriented and they get turned on by what they see. If you at least TRY it and you keep an open mind, you might surprise yourself. And barring all else, having a very active sex life with your boyfriend will probably at least help him tone down his interest in this extracurricular activity. And if your sex needs don't match, I have another suggestion: either get another BF who's more compatible or live with the fact that this one has interests that you're not going to share. Sorry I can't say more, but this is one thing it's going to be hard for you to change about your man. P.S. Guys rarely want to "work through" things in bed. They want a yes or a no answer. That way they have a direction, not a sexual psychotherapy session.
dsuhiti Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Get over it. Every guy does it, whether he has a girlfriend/single/married etc.
samsungxoxo Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Either get over it and act like a mature woman or leave him if it's making you feel so grossed out.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah OP, completely ignore any of your feelings and needs but completely cater to his. Worst advice ever on this thread.
JackJack Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Yeah OP, completely ignore any of your feelings and needs but completely cater to his. Worst advice ever on this thread. You beat me to it! I see alot of this on here..."get over it" ..."all men do it"...."if you don't like it leave".....accept it and it will be ok"..... Yep its like one person in the relationship gets what they want while the other one doesn't and has to sit back and take it.....I do agree with the leaving part though if its not something that is workable...I just hate to see so many people be accepting of one persons behavior and completely disrespect the other persons feeling on the issue,....
JooLee Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 you have been with him for 5 years and yet you are not all comfortable with him? isnt that the real problem here? you are insecure about your weight around him? shudnt he have seen you in your worst moments by now and u shud know he accepts u however you are? what gives girl? i dont think there's anything wrong with yr bf watching porn. it cud be fun sometimes, and being adventurous trying out new things. it is with your long term bf n not with a stranger. anyhow, guess its just not in yr principles.. so talk to him about it. but u reli gotta deal on why yr still feeling uncomfortable with him about yr weight.
Els Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Why does him watching porn make you feel less attracted to him?
EnigmasMuse Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Come on now...you need to be watching you some porn too..go to websites with hot men... And if your b/f has a problem with you watching porn with hot men...tell him to hush up...that if he can, you can too! And that you wish he wasn't so insecure about you looking at hot guys.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 You beat me to it! I see alot of this on here..."get over it" ..."all men do it"...."if you don't like it leave".....accept it and it will be ok"..... Yep its like one person in the relationship gets what they want while the other one doesn't and has to sit back and take it.....I do agree with the leaving part though if its not something that is workable...I just hate to see so many people be accepting of one persons behavior and completely disrespect the other persons feeling on the issue,.... Jackjack
Enema Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 You beat me to it! I see alot of this on here..."get over it" ..."all men do it"...."if you don't like it leave".....accept it and it will be ok"..... Yep its like one person in the relationship gets what they want while the other one doesn't and has to sit back and take it.....I do agree with the leaving part though if its not something that is workable...I just hate to see so many people be accepting of one persons behavior and completely disrespect the other persons feeling on the issue,.... But JackJack... that's exactly what porn-opposers want too. They just want to be the one that gets their way, while the man sits back and takes it. I think the other posters in this thread are right. Don't try to change your partner. Either accept them as they are, or leave.
JackJack Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 But JackJack... that's exactly what porn-opposers want too. They just want to be the one that gets their way, while the man sits back and takes it. I think the other posters in this thread are right. Don't try to change your partner. Either accept them as they are, or leave. I also stated that if it wasn't workable they should leave. Its basically a case of mismatched people together...and I have said that before as well... If you don't like your man/woman looking at porn and you see no compromise in the situation then leave or accept it.... If you enjoy porn and its your thang....and your spouse/partner does not, and you see no compromise in it...then leave or accept it..... Personally, IMO I don't think people should just have to "accept" anything...thats like settling for whatever...if thats the case..they can do better. As far as people sitting back and getting what they want..I see far more people who dis-like porn get bashed for their beliefs than I do those who love porn...
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