ImBroken Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 It had been 3 years since i had seen my ex. she went off to college 400 miles away from where i lived and i joined the navy. rite before i got out of the navy we got in contact with each other, met up and got back together again. she said that she really loved me and i was the only one she loved and she had never gotten over me. i used to be a jealous guy and i promised her that i would try to get over that. and i did. she had a friend in college and looser guy who she would hang out with and smoke weed, she would also sleep with him but assured me that now that were together she was not going to sleep with him again. for my birthday she got me plain tix to go visit her for 2 weeks, and so i did and had an incredible time, we spent v-day together and things seemed like they were going great. after i returned about a week later she told me that she had cheated on me with this guy 4 times. i was shocked she said that she would never do it again and that she was telling me because she didnt want anything to be unknown between us she really wanted to be with me. after a few days of begging me to forgive her i did and we got back together again, i went up to visit her and had another weekend of beautiful time with her. no more than a week later she did it again. this time she didnt tell me i had a feeling and i dragged it out of her. i broke up with her. i was not mad at her because i thought that there were some screws loose in her head, and that was what caused her to do this. we were broken up for a week when she came down for spring brake, she called me and we hung out a few times and had a great time. she told me that she had changed since she got to college and that she didnt like the person she had become, and she wanted to change, and i told her that we could be friends and if she changed we and she could prove it to me and earn my trust i would get back with her again. she promised and promised that she would change and that she only wanted me and no one else... i believed her. a few hours ago, (day one since she got back to college) i spent a good amount of time with her on the phone trying to figure out what exactly the problem was, why she kept going to this other guy. she told me that sex with me was way better, she had a strong emotional connection with me, the physical aspect was great and i was the only guy she ever met that "loved eating pussy and did it so well". so i kept asking her and she said she kept going to him because she also liked sleeping with him (not as much as me but liked it none the less). and i told her that she was probably going to go see him again, and she said that more likley then not that she would. i asked her if she really wanted to be with me and she knew that this was the one thing that got in the way, why would she throw it away over such a small temporary pleasure? and her responce was basically that she liked doing it sometimes and didnt feel that it was bad that she liked doing it. and i asked her everthough your with me, and you want to be with me and that this was keeping us from being together, and i got no responce. at that moment i realized that my beautiful angle wasnt and angel after all... she was a selfish bitch that put her temporary pleasures before me and our relationship, why? maybe because she thought she could have the cake and eat it too, i mean i have been forgiveing her this whole time, and the one week that we were broken up where i didnt answer her calls or talk to her at all was the worst week for her, she cryed the entire time, infact when i saw her she looked like hell, she had bags under her eyes, hair messed up and she didnt stop crying for about 3 hours into us hanging out. but shortly after that i decided that i would forgive her and try to make it work again. i just got off the phone with her about 30 mins ago and i have never been more confused in my life, (emotionally). i told her to never call me again, and if she did i would not pick up her calls, and i told her to not make me change my number because i would. i was the meanist to her that i have ever been and tried to make myself completley clear. i dont know what im feeling rite now, anger, saddness, remorce, sympathey, fear, reliefe... maybe a combenation off all and more. i dont mean to stroke my own cock here but im a really good guy, im understanding, openminded, great in bed, i went to hell and back for her. i did everything possible to make her happy. i put my all into the relationship. ever since i broke up with her after the last time she cheated on me all my friends (guys and girls) have been trying to hook me up with girls they think would be perfect for me, but all ive wanted was her. i guess what im trying to ask you guys out there is, is my ex really a horrible person? it appears that way but i really dont want to be angry at her, i would much rather have ended it on a good note, it is difficult for me to dislike someone ive loved so much. and my other question is should i start dating other girls so soon? and if so, what kind of girls do you think i would be compatible with? ...i just hope i never go through anything like this ever again. ( i know this thread is long and i apriciate you guys taking your time to read it. )
curiousnycgirl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm sorry I couldn't get through it all - dude you need to use paragraphs!
Bejita463 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 It has been 3 years since I have seen my ex. She went off to college 400 miles away from where I lived, and I joined the Navy. Right before I got out of the Navy we got in contact with each other, met up, and got back together again. She said that she really loved me, that I was the only one she loved and, had never gotten over me. I used to be a jealous guy, and I promised her that I would try to get over that. And I did. She had a friend in college and a loser guy who she would hang out with to smoke weed. She would also sleep with him, but assured me that now that we are together she was not going to sleep with him again. For my birthday she got me plain tickets to go visit her for 2 weeks, so I did and had an incredible time. We spent v-day together and things seemed like they were going great. After I returned about a week later she told me that she had cheated on me with this guy 4 times. I was shocked. She said that she would never do it again, and that she was telling me because she didn't want anything to be unknown between us. She really wanted to be with me. After a few days of begging me to forgive her, I did and we got back together again. I went up to visit her and had another weekend of beautiful time with her. No more than a week later she did it again. This time she didn't tell me. I had a feeling and I dragged it out of her. I broke up with her. I was not mad at her, because I thought that there were some screws loose in her head, and that was what caused her to do this. We were broken up for a week when she came down for spring break. She called me and we hung out a few times and had a great time. She told me that she had changed since she got to college, that she didn't like the person she had become, and she wanted to change. I told her that we could be friends. If she changed, she could prove it to me and earn my trust, I would get back with her again. She promised and promised that she would change, and that she only wanted me and no one else... I believed her. A few hours ago, (day one since she got back to college) I spent a good amount of time with her on the phone trying to figure out what exactly the problem was, why she kept going to this other guy. She told me that sex with me was way better, she had a strong emotional connection with me, the physical aspect was great and I was the only guy she ever met that "loved eating pussy and did it so well". So I kept asking her and she said she kept going to him because she also liked sleeping with him (not as much as me, but liked it none the less). I told her that she was probably going to go see him again, and she said that more likely than not, she would. I asked her if she really wanted to be with me, and she knew that this was the one thing that would get in the way. Why would she throw it away over such a small, temporary pleasure? Her response was basically that she liked doing it sometimes, and didn't feel that it was bad that she liked doing it. I asked her "even though you're with me, you want to be with me and that this is keeping us from being together?" I got no response. At that moment I realized that my beautiful angel wasn't an angel after all... she was a selfish bitch that put her temporary pleasures before me, and our relationship. Why? Maybe because she thought she could have the cake and eat it too. I mean, I have been forgiving her this whole time. The one week that we were broken up where I didn't answer her calls or talk to her at all was the worst week for her. She cried the entire time. In fact, when I saw her she looked like hell. She had bags under her eyes, hair messed up, and she didn't stop crying for about 3 hours into us hanging out. Shortly after that I decided that I would forgive her, and try to make it work again. I just got off the phone with her about 30 minutes ago and I have never been more confused in my life (emotionally). I told her to never call me again, and if she did I would not pick up her calls. I told her to not make me change my number because I would. It was the meanest to her that I have ever been, and tried to make myself completely clear. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Anger, sadness, remorse, sympathy, fear, relief... maybe a combination of them all, and more. I don't mean to stroke my own cock here, but I'm a really good guy. I'm understanding, open minded, great in bed, and I went to hell and back for her. I did everything possible to make her happy. I put my all into the relationship. Ever since I broke up with her, after the last time she cheated on me, all my friends (guys and girls) have been trying to hook me up with girls they think would be perfect for me. All I've wanted was her. I guess what I'm trying to ask you guys out there is: is my ex really a horrible person? It appears that way, but I really don't want to be angry at her. I would much rather have ended it on a good note. It is difficult for me to dislike someone I've loved so much. My other question is if I should start dating other girls so soon? If so, what kind of girls do you think I would be compatible with? ...I just hope I never go through anything like this ever again. I know this thread is long and I appreciate you guys taking your time to read it. That's the help you get from me. In the future, if you want advice, it would be prudent to spend enough time on your story that it is legible without being a literal eyesore.
lostsunsets Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'll save the writing criticism. You did the right thing. She was a skank who had absolutely no self control. She will cheat in any future relationships as well. She just cannot stay vertical (unless that's a position she likes) with any man who she finds attractive. She needs I/C in the worse way. She is unable to understand that if she wants something there are trade offs. I think it's pretty common today.
boldjack Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 To the first two posters, this is an infidelity forum, not english 101, give the guy a break. IMB, Dude, you did the right thing, she is a player and you are the playee. She's not worth the effort. Find another woman, who will put you first and be faithful. Good luck
JohnnyBlaze Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm sure it hurts that you had to do it in such a mean fashion, but there really was no other way. You tried being nice and got walked on for it. Lost is right; it was either cut her loose or watch her do this over and over again. You gave her a pass the first time, which was more than many would do. She took advantage of that and pressed her luck. Whether or not she's a horrible person isn't up to me to judge. Other than this one predilection, I don't know nearly enough about her to make that call. You'll know when you're ready to date again. Some bounce back quickly, some don't. Your friends will (and, as you mentioned, already started to) push you to other girls to try and help you 'get over this'. If they're good friends, you can probably tell them to back off a little, if you still need more time, and they'll respect that. As to what type of girl to date, again, that's up to you. I used to be able to tell you exactly what type of girl I was going for. I could tell you her visuals, attitude, intelligence, everything. The problem was, of all the girls I have ever fallen for, not one of them fit the profile that I thought I was looking for. You don't always get to choose who you dig.
Bejita463 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 To the first two posters, this is an infidelity forum, not english 101, give the guy a break. Which version did you read, the wall'o'text, or the fixed version I created for him? Perhaps I worded the suggestion that he be more careful a bit harshly, but I was offering a kindness all the same.
Author ImBroken Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 sorry, first time on a forum and i was in a ****ty mood :-/
Bejita463 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 sorry, first time on a forum and i was in a ****ty mood :-/ Understandably so. No one likes feeling taken for granted. For what it is worth, I believe you were too lenient to begin with, but not that you've ultimately arrived at the incorrect decision.
Surfer Dude Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Wait, you were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship prior to these incidents? She's a total freak. There's only one suitable punishment for such behavior: I know you don't feel like laughing, but I hope it makes you feel better, this **** certainly helped me when I went through all this
Kaii Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Wow, I'm so sorry buddy, but you did the right thing. I hope you don't cave and give her ANOTHER chance. She doesn't deserve it and chances are would just do the same thing to you again. I think you should give yourself some time to heal before you start seriously dating again, because you are just setting yourself up for dating someone on the rebound. Heal yourself first.
Author ImBroken Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 im completely disturbed by this experience, its going to take me a while to heal... Wow, I'm so sorry buddy, but you did the right thing. I hope you don't cave and give her ANOTHER chance. She doesn't deserve it and chances are would just do the same thing to you again. I think you should give yourself some time to heal before you start seriously dating again, because you are just setting yourself up for dating someone on the rebound. Heal yourself first.
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